So sitemeter allows me to see which phrases people are googling in order to get to this blog. Amazingly enough, the most frequently googled phrase is actually “barry windham wrestling boots.” Hey, they WERE pretty snazzy. So if you stumbled across here looking for boots, but somehow got caught up in this drama instead, welcome. And if you are seriously missing Barry … have patience. I promise that he’ll be back as soon as we get a bit more of this Jeff garbage out of the way. Today, we get one step closer:
Chapter 57: One Night (Part III)
“So I guess you’re not one of those women who gets turned off by the overconfident lady-killer type?”
“You’re not overconfident. You’re charming.”
Jeff chuckled.
“Besides,” Angel added. “I’ve been with your opposite—the goofy, shy, good-natured, slightly-awkward guy.”
“Too boring?”
“Too insistent on sleeping with his ex. Whoops, sorry, there went the fifth.”
“I won’t use it against you in court.”
“Thanks. Hey, Jeff, I just realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, here we are at my hotel,” Angel said as Jeff opened the lobby door for her, “and we’re heading up to my room, but I don’t have any wine or movies or board games or music or photo albums or magazines or any other things we can pretend to be interested in until one of us makes a move on the other.” [photo albums? That’s a turn on. “Hey, here’s me in seventh grade! Look at my braces. Hey! Here’s me and my best friends. You don’t know any of them.”]
Jeff laughed as they stepped out of the elevator. “I like you a whole damn lot, Angel [sigh. Remember when characters would apologize for swearing? I kind of miss those days]. I guess we’ll just have to have a pretend object of interest. There’s got to be a room service menu. Or a pad and pen next to the phone. We could play hangman until one of us makes a move.”
“Are we really going to do that?”
“Probably not.”
“What about tic tac toe?” Angel asked as she inserted the key into the door. [is that a double entendre?]
“Are you that much of a glutton for punishment?”
“Are you sure that first victory wasn’t a fluke?”
“Those are fighting words, lady.”
The door closed behind them. Angel smiled at Jeff. “I’m going to go freshen up. I can’t believe I actually just said that. Only movie people say that.” [and characters in bad wrestling fan fiction, apparently]
“It’s classier than saying that you’re going to the can.”
“Excellent point!” At any rate, I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home—or at least your own hotel room.”
When Angel returned, Jeff was sitting on the bed with a pad of paper and a pen. “I’m X’s,” he said, handing the pad to Angel. She sat next to him and took the paper.
“Only suckers start in the middle.” [was THAT a double entendre?]
“Mmm-hmm,” he replied, handing her the pen. She took it and filled the rest of the squares with O’s [see bracketed comment above].
“Sucker,” she said.
“You play dirty.”
She grinned at him. He moved his face closer to hers, took the pen from her hand and put it in his shirt front pocket.
“I bet you do too.” She took the pen from his pocket and threw it on the floor [that seemed unnecessary]. Then she hooked her fingers in the pocket and drew him closer. Their noses touched. She felt his breath on her lips … [Ahem. Yeah. I know I promised that I’d type everything as it was written, but I actually forgot that I wrote this scene. It’s embarrassing, but not in the same way that lines like “love means hates nothing about” is embarrassing. So I’m just going to pretend that there are no extended descriptions of the way his calloused fingers felt against her soft skin or anything like that. Trust me, you’re really not missing anything. Let’s just say that they make out a lot, and it’s gross. Don’t worry, gentle readers, they don’t actually “do it.” There’s no need for anyone to go and tattle to Rick Steiner.]
NOTES:
1) Wow, I’m glad this one is behind me. At least this chapter is an outlier—the rest of ‘em are all strictly PG-13.
2) Oh Angel, you harlot. Rebounding with Slashburns in your hotel room. Freshening up. Throwing his pen on the floor. What happened to the nice young lady who brought cookies to a party and wore apricot t-shirts with a slight v-neck?
3) Let’s assume that it was a morning wrestling card. Why not?
Coming up next …
Angel and Jeff have a little talk about what happened the night before. I am going to have to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks to actually transcribe it. The good news is that we’ll get a break from Jeff chapters soon. Not soon enough, of course, but soon.
See you next time for …
Chapter 58: Invitations
Friday, November 20, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Chapter 57: One Night (Part II)
When last we left Jefgel, they were conversing about movies and favorite bands and being astonished at the fact that Angel worked in wrestling. Plus, Angel was wearing new underwear and I was squirming uncomfortably at the fact that I had written any of this. Today: Jeff nonchalantly admits that he is a musician and Angel has an internal monologue where she marvels about how she has no emotional attachment to Jeff and therefore it's a good idea to start getting frisky with him. Just a warning: that will be a recurring theme. I'm trying to think of a concise tag for that phenomenon. If y'all have any suggestions, please do share.
Chapter 57 – One Night (Part II)
“So look … what do you say we get out of here, take a walk along the pier, and get some ice cream or something?” Jeff said as they finished their meal.
“I’m up for the walk, but not the ice cream. I ate like fifty pounds of crab in there.”
“Who’s counting?”
“My engorged stomach.”
“Engorged … that’s such a romantic word. I’ll have to work that into a song.”
“You write songs?”
“Here and there. Did you like my lame attempt at working that seamlessly into the conversation?”
“Admirable indeed. Do you sing?”
“I try.”
“And play the guitar?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Nah. Yeah,” she giggled. “Let me guess … you write songs about women.”
“Wrong on that one.”
“So it’s not a lure?”
“Well, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t lure incidentally, but I really just love to play.” [I've already rolled my eyes like 300 times since this chapter started]
“That’s cool. I used to play the violin in junior high. I gave it up when I started forming a chin callus.” [way to suffer for your art, Angel]
Jeff smiled at her and extended his right hand. “These are like my badge of honor,” he said, displaying his callused fingers.
“You know what would have looked just as cool? A humongous one of those on my face.”
Jeff laughed and turned towards her as they leaned on the railing overlooking the water. “Anything marring that face would be a crime,” he said, tracing her jawline with his finger. [uggggg] Angel shivered at his touch. “So, Angel?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night.”
“What’s been stopping you?”
He tilted her face up towards his and brought his lips to hers. Angel’s head swam. No one had ever kissed her like this. The second his lips touched hers, everything else ceased to matter—but it wasn’t that she was caught up in love for him, as she had been with Chris, but with such a fierce passion that she could think of nothing else. When the kiss ended, she felt dizzy. [I don't feel so good myself having read that]
“Jeff …”
“Yeah?”
But she didn’t know what to say. The way he was looking at her rendered her speechless. His dark hazel eyes were locked on hers. He looked like he wanted to devour her. She had the distinct feeling that she was looking at him the same way.
“I … uhm …”
“We have the most intense chemistry I’ve ever felt. No joke.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean it. Look. You probably know that I’m no saint. I’ve been around … but this is crazy. The second I touch you, I …”
“Lose track of life?”
“Pretty much. That’s not a line, Angel. I’m speaking the truth here.”
“I know.”
“And you know what’s almost stupid?”
“What?”
“I like you so much that I wouldn’t even consider having a one night stand.”
“You only sleep with people you don’t like?”
“The fifth.”
Angel laughed. “So Jeff ... if I invite you back to my hotel room, I don’t have to worry about you thinking I’m a slut because I know it won’t be with the expectation of sleeping with you on the first non-date.”
“You’re seriously going to tempt me like that?”
“All I’m going to do is invite you back. You have my solemn vow that we will not have sex.”
“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve had in a long time.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Absolutely.”
As they walked back, neither of them spoke, but it wasn’t uncomfortable silence at all. Angel tried valiantly to not think about what she was doing, but she couldn’t help it. What if Jeff had not brought sex up? What if he hadn’t already promised not to sleep with her? How could she possibly tell him that she was a virgin without freaking him out? Was she seriously going back to her hotel room with a guy she barely knew, especially a guy she wanted this badly? Was he actually going to find out she was wearing a thong? That last thought sent shivers down her spine.
“So look, Angel, [awkward PSA alert!] even though we’ve not to have sex and we’ve both pleaded the fifth about all previous relationships, I just want you to know that even though I’ve been around, I’ve always done it safely.”
“Thanks, Jeff. I appreciate you saying that … and I’ve never had unsafe sex either.” Not at a lie at all, Angel thought. And there was really no reason to clarify beyond that. There was little chance she and Jeff would see each other again after this weekend. Why should she ruin a perfectly good night with awkward conversation, especially when they’d already agreed not to have sex?
--------------------------------
NOTES:
1) Gee, Angel, I don't know, why WOULD you ruin a good night with conversation? Why would you try to get to know someone a little bit better before inviting him back to your hotel room?
2) As smarmy as Jeff is, I don't quite want to punch him in the solar plexus just yet. Let's look at this from his perspective: he's a total hottie and he knows it. There's a hot blonde nurse looking to rebound. Everything he's doing and saying is totally in character. The only icky thing is that the hot nurse in question is Angel. He doesn't know that yet, readers. I actually feel kind of sorry for him at this point.
3) Don't you wish that Dustin had been eating at that restaurant too?
COMING UP NEXT ...
Avert your eyes, readers. It gets sort of steamy. I might actually have to tone it down a little, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to make eye contact with those of you whom I know in person. We'll see.
Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 57: One Night (Part III)
Chapter 57 – One Night (Part II)
“So look … what do you say we get out of here, take a walk along the pier, and get some ice cream or something?” Jeff said as they finished their meal.
“I’m up for the walk, but not the ice cream. I ate like fifty pounds of crab in there.”
“Who’s counting?”
“My engorged stomach.”
“Engorged … that’s such a romantic word. I’ll have to work that into a song.”
“You write songs?”
“Here and there. Did you like my lame attempt at working that seamlessly into the conversation?”
“Admirable indeed. Do you sing?”
“I try.”
“And play the guitar?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Nah. Yeah,” she giggled. “Let me guess … you write songs about women.”
“Wrong on that one.”
“So it’s not a lure?”
“Well, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t lure incidentally, but I really just love to play.” [I've already rolled my eyes like 300 times since this chapter started]
“That’s cool. I used to play the violin in junior high. I gave it up when I started forming a chin callus.” [way to suffer for your art, Angel]
Jeff smiled at her and extended his right hand. “These are like my badge of honor,” he said, displaying his callused fingers.
“You know what would have looked just as cool? A humongous one of those on my face.”
Jeff laughed and turned towards her as they leaned on the railing overlooking the water. “Anything marring that face would be a crime,” he said, tracing her jawline with his finger. [uggggg] Angel shivered at his touch. “So, Angel?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night.”
“What’s been stopping you?”
He tilted her face up towards his and brought his lips to hers. Angel’s head swam. No one had ever kissed her like this. The second his lips touched hers, everything else ceased to matter—but it wasn’t that she was caught up in love for him, as she had been with Chris, but with such a fierce passion that she could think of nothing else. When the kiss ended, she felt dizzy. [I don't feel so good myself having read that]
“Jeff …”
“Yeah?”
But she didn’t know what to say. The way he was looking at her rendered her speechless. His dark hazel eyes were locked on hers. He looked like he wanted to devour her. She had the distinct feeling that she was looking at him the same way.
“I … uhm …”
“We have the most intense chemistry I’ve ever felt. No joke.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean it. Look. You probably know that I’m no saint. I’ve been around … but this is crazy. The second I touch you, I …”
“Lose track of life?”
“Pretty much. That’s not a line, Angel. I’m speaking the truth here.”
“I know.”
“And you know what’s almost stupid?”
“What?”
“I like you so much that I wouldn’t even consider having a one night stand.”
“You only sleep with people you don’t like?”
“The fifth.”
Angel laughed. “So Jeff ... if I invite you back to my hotel room, I don’t have to worry about you thinking I’m a slut because I know it won’t be with the expectation of sleeping with you on the first non-date.”
“You’re seriously going to tempt me like that?”
“All I’m going to do is invite you back. You have my solemn vow that we will not have sex.”
“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve had in a long time.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Absolutely.”
As they walked back, neither of them spoke, but it wasn’t uncomfortable silence at all. Angel tried valiantly to not think about what she was doing, but she couldn’t help it. What if Jeff had not brought sex up? What if he hadn’t already promised not to sleep with her? How could she possibly tell him that she was a virgin without freaking him out? Was she seriously going back to her hotel room with a guy she barely knew, especially a guy she wanted this badly? Was he actually going to find out she was wearing a thong? That last thought sent shivers down her spine.
“So look, Angel, [awkward PSA alert!] even though we’ve not to have sex and we’ve both pleaded the fifth about all previous relationships, I just want you to know that even though I’ve been around, I’ve always done it safely.”
“Thanks, Jeff. I appreciate you saying that … and I’ve never had unsafe sex either.” Not at a lie at all, Angel thought. And there was really no reason to clarify beyond that. There was little chance she and Jeff would see each other again after this weekend. Why should she ruin a perfectly good night with awkward conversation, especially when they’d already agreed not to have sex?
--------------------------------
NOTES:
1) Gee, Angel, I don't know, why WOULD you ruin a good night with conversation? Why would you try to get to know someone a little bit better before inviting him back to your hotel room?
2) As smarmy as Jeff is, I don't quite want to punch him in the solar plexus just yet. Let's look at this from his perspective: he's a total hottie and he knows it. There's a hot blonde nurse looking to rebound. Everything he's doing and saying is totally in character. The only icky thing is that the hot nurse in question is Angel. He doesn't know that yet, readers. I actually feel kind of sorry for him at this point.
3) Don't you wish that Dustin had been eating at that restaurant too?
COMING UP NEXT ...
Avert your eyes, readers. It gets sort of steamy. I might actually have to tone it down a little, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to make eye contact with those of you whom I know in person. We'll see.
Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 57: One Night (Part III)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Chapter 57: One Night (Part I)
Welcome, gentle readers. So last week, Angel talked to Dustin on the phone. Dustin warned her about Jeff's reputation as a ladykilling cad. Then Angel talked to Jeff on the phone. Jeff used some smooooth lines on Angel and they decided to go on a date. SQUEEEEEEEEEE! Today, Angel goes on that date. But first, she has to buy underwear. Yes, you read that right. Oh how I wish I had never written this one.
Chapter 57: One Night (Part I)
The urge to buy fancy underwear had never really struck Angel. [it’s all downhill from here, folks]. Angel was a simple cotton skivvies kind of girl. Sure, they were pretty colors and none of them came above her bellybutton or anything horrendous like that, but they were all very … polite. But there was something about Jeff that made her feel a deep need for thongs. [oh gross. I’m sorry, everyone.]
She felt something akin to self-consciousness as she browsed through the store. What was too much when it came to these kinds of things? How could these be comfortable [yeah, they can’t]? Did she really expect Jeff to see them anyway? That last question was not up for discussion … she was simply not thinking about what might or might not happen with Jeff.
She finally settled on a lacy black number. Sexy, but not overdoing it.
She wore a sheer black tank top [doesn’t that mean it’s see-through? I’m somewhat fashion illiterate] and an electric blue skirt and knee-high boots, also recent purchases. Her hair fell in soft layers [holla, 1998!] around her face and her lips shone with raspberry gloss.
“I’m pretty damn hot,” she said to her reflection. Why had it taken her so long to show some cleavage? [wow. Again … I’m sorry, readers.]
Jeff arrived six minutes late. Angel had never felt so acutely aware of the passing of minutes. When the knock finally came on her hotel room door, Angel had to force her hands to stop shaking.
“Be cool, lady,” she told herself as she opened the door.
Jeff looked amazing. His hair was pulled back, revealing the patterned slashes of sideburns. He wore a long-sleeved button-down shirt over stylish jeans. One arm was tucked behind his back.
“Hey Jeff,” Angel said, ushering him in.
“Hello, sexy.” Angel noticed the way his gaze quickly swept over her body before he met her gaze [super classy]. She smiled inwardly. “I know we’re just chilling, and not on a date, seeing as how I’m a wrestler and all, so I didn’t bring you flowers. But I did bring you this.” He produced a small brown paper bag from behind his back.
Angel smirked at him and opened the bag.
“A rubber ducky?”
“A Baltimore, Maryland rubber ducky.”
“It sure is. Thank you, Jeff. Its pained squeaks will always remind me of this non-date.”
“Ouch?”
“I’m only kidding. Thank you, really.”
“You look gorgeous.”
“You look pretty good yourself.”
“Shall we?”
She took his extended arm and locked the door behind her. [how many hotels require you to lock the door behind you? Don’t tell me she suddenly transported to her house again]
------------------------------------------------------
“This is my favorite restaurant in the Inner Harbor—not too touristy, don’t usually have to worry about fans. Fabulous crab cakes.”
“Good to know!”
“So what’s your story, Angel?” He asked, pushing her chair in for her.
“Hmm … what to say … well, I’m a nurse. I travel around with WCW. Guess it’s easier and cheaper for them than having the EMTs on call.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, well … I guess it saves money by …”
“No, I mean I had no idea you were in the business.” [I was starting to forget myself, actually]
“Why else would I have sworn off wrestlers? Ohh … you thought I was a ring rat, eh?” [a “ring rat” is basically a wrestling groupie]
“Well, you were hanging out at a hotel bar.”
“Yeah. Bad move on my part. It just seemed like a happening spot. You obviously have no problem with ring rats, seeing as how you’re sitting here.”
“Pleading the fifth.”
“No problem.”
“Been burned by a bunch of the guys, huh?”
“Fifth applies to me too.”
“Cool with me.” They clinked glasses. “I’m actually pretty relieved that you’re on the inside. Now we can talk about something besides …”
“Whether or not it’s fake.”
“Amen.”
“I’ve treated enough gaping wounds to know how real it is.”
“And you don’t have the glazed-over fan look in your eyes.”
“Nope.”
“You actually look more cynical than anything else.”
“Check.”
“The reason for which is …”
“Part of that fifth I plead.”
“Gotcha. And how do you usually react to the starry-eyed fan-variety eyes?”
“Fifth it is.”
“Okay then.” Angel laughed. “So let’s not talk about wrestling or wrestlers or wrestling fans. Or any permutations of the above.” [sounds like it will mesh well with the usual fare on this blog]
“Agreed. What’s your favorite band?”
“Pearl Jam. What’s your favorite movie?”
“The Shawshank Redemption. What’s your favorite food?”
“Lasagna. What’s your favorite season?”
“Winter.”
“Winter? That’s the worst! I’m from the south, so any time it gets below 60, I break out the winter coat.”
“Where in the south?”
“North Carolina.” [an obvious shout out to future me, no?]
“It’s gorgeous down there. I’ve always loved it when we traveled through it.”
“Yeah, I get a few weeks off coming to me I a little while. I can’t wait to get back there.”
“Ugg. I need a vacation too.”
“Well, if you get one, feel free to drop by NC.”
“Maybe I will,” Angel said, returning his grin.
------------------------------------------------------
NOTES:
1) I've never actually seen The Shawshank Redemption. I have no idea why I decided it was Angel's favorite movie. I would, however, like to point out that Pearl Jam is Jeff Hardy's favorite band and lasagna is his favorite food. I did some background research. That is so, so, so much more sad than when I did this kind of stuff at age 13.
Allright, folks ... I could write more, but I've got to hustle myself off to a conference in Hotlanta. Apologies in general for the lateness of updates recently. Busy, busy, busy, busy. Blarg. Things should settle down here in a month or so.
Coming up next ...
Angel and Jeff continue to have a date. It features "charming" banter and further grossness re: Jeff's ineluctable attraction to Angel. You might want to have some Pepto nearby when you read it. Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 57: One Night (Part II)
Chapter 57: One Night (Part I)
The urge to buy fancy underwear had never really struck Angel. [it’s all downhill from here, folks]. Angel was a simple cotton skivvies kind of girl. Sure, they were pretty colors and none of them came above her bellybutton or anything horrendous like that, but they were all very … polite. But there was something about Jeff that made her feel a deep need for thongs. [oh gross. I’m sorry, everyone.]
She felt something akin to self-consciousness as she browsed through the store. What was too much when it came to these kinds of things? How could these be comfortable [yeah, they can’t]? Did she really expect Jeff to see them anyway? That last question was not up for discussion … she was simply not thinking about what might or might not happen with Jeff.
She finally settled on a lacy black number. Sexy, but not overdoing it.
She wore a sheer black tank top [doesn’t that mean it’s see-through? I’m somewhat fashion illiterate] and an electric blue skirt and knee-high boots, also recent purchases. Her hair fell in soft layers [holla, 1998!] around her face and her lips shone with raspberry gloss.
“I’m pretty damn hot,” she said to her reflection. Why had it taken her so long to show some cleavage? [wow. Again … I’m sorry, readers.]
Jeff arrived six minutes late. Angel had never felt so acutely aware of the passing of minutes. When the knock finally came on her hotel room door, Angel had to force her hands to stop shaking.
“Be cool, lady,” she told herself as she opened the door.
Jeff looked amazing. His hair was pulled back, revealing the patterned slashes of sideburns. He wore a long-sleeved button-down shirt over stylish jeans. One arm was tucked behind his back.
“Hey Jeff,” Angel said, ushering him in.
“Hello, sexy.” Angel noticed the way his gaze quickly swept over her body before he met her gaze [super classy]. She smiled inwardly. “I know we’re just chilling, and not on a date, seeing as how I’m a wrestler and all, so I didn’t bring you flowers. But I did bring you this.” He produced a small brown paper bag from behind his back.
Angel smirked at him and opened the bag.
“A rubber ducky?”
“A Baltimore, Maryland rubber ducky.”
“It sure is. Thank you, Jeff. Its pained squeaks will always remind me of this non-date.”
“Ouch?”
“I’m only kidding. Thank you, really.”
“You look gorgeous.”
“You look pretty good yourself.”
“Shall we?”
She took his extended arm and locked the door behind her. [how many hotels require you to lock the door behind you? Don’t tell me she suddenly transported to her house again]
------------------------------------------------------
“This is my favorite restaurant in the Inner Harbor—not too touristy, don’t usually have to worry about fans. Fabulous crab cakes.”
“Good to know!”
“So what’s your story, Angel?” He asked, pushing her chair in for her.
“Hmm … what to say … well, I’m a nurse. I travel around with WCW. Guess it’s easier and cheaper for them than having the EMTs on call.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, well … I guess it saves money by …”
“No, I mean I had no idea you were in the business.” [I was starting to forget myself, actually]
“Why else would I have sworn off wrestlers? Ohh … you thought I was a ring rat, eh?” [a “ring rat” is basically a wrestling groupie]
“Well, you were hanging out at a hotel bar.”
“Yeah. Bad move on my part. It just seemed like a happening spot. You obviously have no problem with ring rats, seeing as how you’re sitting here.”
“Pleading the fifth.”
“No problem.”
“Been burned by a bunch of the guys, huh?”
“Fifth applies to me too.”
“Cool with me.” They clinked glasses. “I’m actually pretty relieved that you’re on the inside. Now we can talk about something besides …”
“Whether or not it’s fake.”
“Amen.”
“I’ve treated enough gaping wounds to know how real it is.”
“And you don’t have the glazed-over fan look in your eyes.”
“Nope.”
“You actually look more cynical than anything else.”
“Check.”
“The reason for which is …”
“Part of that fifth I plead.”
“Gotcha. And how do you usually react to the starry-eyed fan-variety eyes?”
“Fifth it is.”
“Okay then.” Angel laughed. “So let’s not talk about wrestling or wrestlers or wrestling fans. Or any permutations of the above.” [sounds like it will mesh well with the usual fare on this blog]
“Agreed. What’s your favorite band?”
“Pearl Jam. What’s your favorite movie?”
“The Shawshank Redemption. What’s your favorite food?”
“Lasagna. What’s your favorite season?”
“Winter.”
“Winter? That’s the worst! I’m from the south, so any time it gets below 60, I break out the winter coat.”
“Where in the south?”
“North Carolina.” [an obvious shout out to future me, no?]
“It’s gorgeous down there. I’ve always loved it when we traveled through it.”
“Yeah, I get a few weeks off coming to me I a little while. I can’t wait to get back there.”
“Ugg. I need a vacation too.”
“Well, if you get one, feel free to drop by NC.”
“Maybe I will,” Angel said, returning his grin.
------------------------------------------------------
NOTES:
1) I've never actually seen The Shawshank Redemption. I have no idea why I decided it was Angel's favorite movie. I would, however, like to point out that Pearl Jam is Jeff Hardy's favorite band and lasagna is his favorite food. I did some background research. That is so, so, so much more sad than when I did this kind of stuff at age 13.
Allright, folks ... I could write more, but I've got to hustle myself off to a conference in Hotlanta. Apologies in general for the lateness of updates recently. Busy, busy, busy, busy. Blarg. Things should settle down here in a month or so.
Coming up next ...
Angel and Jeff continue to have a date. It features "charming" banter and further grossness re: Jeff's ineluctable attraction to Angel. You might want to have some Pepto nearby when you read it. Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 57: One Night (Part II)
Friday, October 30, 2009
Chapter 56: The Other Half (Part II)
As I suggested last week, this chapter is pretty much just Angel talking on the phone. If it helps, you can imagine that other, more interesting things are happening in the background. Perhaps dancing manatees are involved. Or ninjas. Who doesn’t love a ninja?
In other news … my love … for ellipses … is … overwhelmingly obvious … in … this chapter.
Chapter 56: The Other Half (part II)
When Angel looked at her answering machine, her heart fluttered … there were four messages. Maybe he had called?
“Angel? This is Dustin. Look … just call me as soon as you get this.”
“Angel … this is Scott. Give me a ring when you can.”
“Angel … Dustin again. Please call me soon. I’m worried about you.”
And then …
“Hey there Angel. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I’m betting that you do. You lost at tic tac toe to a handsome stranger … that handsome stranger was me. [that is so smooth I can barely stand it. Fellas, take notes]. Anyway …. I’d love to hang out again. I’ll call you later.”
Angel barely prevented herself from squealing. He had called. And he said he’d call later! When the phone rang again, she was so excited that she forgot to see what it was.
“Hello?”
“Angel? I’m so glad I finally caught you!”
“Oh … hey Dustin. What’s up?” [cue the manatees!]
“Angel … about the other night …”
“Dustin. I know you’re just looking out for me … but I’m a grown woman.”
“I know, I know … but he’s bad news.” [bad news? Who talks like that?]
“So what?”
“He’s not your type, darlin’.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have a type, Dustin. Maybe I should just have a good time hanging out with Jeff.”
“He’s just … he’s a bad sort. Our partying all the time, going through women like water … he’s no gentleman.” [no, seriously: who talks like that?]
“Dustin … do you know how many gentlemen turn out to be scumbags? I’ve dated enough nice guys to know that they break your heart too. So if I know Jeff is a jerk to begin with, which I don’t even actually know, maybe that’s to my ultimate advantage.”
“Angel …”
“I have to go, Dustin. Have a nice night.” [won’t she see him later? Doesn’t she, you know, work with him?]
Angel hung up the phone before he could reply or protest. She knew her friend meant well, but the absolute last thing she watned to do right now was get love advice from Dustin Rhodes.
The phone rang again … it was Jeff. Angel took a deep breath and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey pretty lady.” [cue the ninjas!]
“Hey smooth talker.”
“So I think we should hang out.”
“Me too. “
“Excellent. I’m in town for three more nights.” [what kind of wrestling card lasts three nights?!?]
“We’d better not waste any time then.”
“I agree. I’ll pick you up at seven.” [wait … when is he going to wrestle?]
“See you then, Jeff.”
“Later, Angel.”
Angel hung up the phone and sunk into the couch [in her hotel room? Does she have a suite? Or are we suddenly back in her apartment again?] Seven! What should she wear? Three more nights? And then what? But she couldn’t allow herself to worry about that now. Jeff Hardy wasn’t about the future, he was about now. And now she had to go get something to wear. [why not just wear your outfit from Sting’s party? That was a hit!]
NOTES
1) When was the last time Angel did anything related to her job? Or, for that matter, anyone wrestled?
2) I wonder what Scott wanted. Maybe to let Angel know that he’s in town, seeing as how Jeff is there. Scott is supposedly still in the WWF, which is of course where Jeff is. Yeah, my wrestling chronology is completely screwed up. I obviously wanted to introduce Jeff, but in doing so, needed to conveniently ignore the fact that 6 years of wrestling storylines and brand switches have elapsed. Hooray for artistic license!
3) Sort of hanging up on Dustin is the least lame thing Angel has ever done.
COMING UP NEXT …
Angel buys underwear. Oh man. I’m sooooo sorry about this. And then she goes on a date with Jeff. If you’ve got the intestinal fortitude [tm Gorilla Monsoon], tune in next week for …
Chapter 57: One Night
In other news … my love … for ellipses … is … overwhelmingly obvious … in … this chapter.
Chapter 56: The Other Half (part II)
When Angel looked at her answering machine, her heart fluttered … there were four messages. Maybe he had called?
“Angel? This is Dustin. Look … just call me as soon as you get this.”
“Angel … this is Scott. Give me a ring when you can.”
“Angel … Dustin again. Please call me soon. I’m worried about you.”
And then …
“Hey there Angel. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I’m betting that you do. You lost at tic tac toe to a handsome stranger … that handsome stranger was me. [that is so smooth I can barely stand it. Fellas, take notes]. Anyway …. I’d love to hang out again. I’ll call you later.”
Angel barely prevented herself from squealing. He had called. And he said he’d call later! When the phone rang again, she was so excited that she forgot to see what it was.
“Hello?”
“Angel? I’m so glad I finally caught you!”
“Oh … hey Dustin. What’s up?” [cue the manatees!]
“Angel … about the other night …”
“Dustin. I know you’re just looking out for me … but I’m a grown woman.”
“I know, I know … but he’s bad news.” [bad news? Who talks like that?]
“So what?”
“He’s not your type, darlin’.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have a type, Dustin. Maybe I should just have a good time hanging out with Jeff.”
“He’s just … he’s a bad sort. Our partying all the time, going through women like water … he’s no gentleman.” [no, seriously: who talks like that?]
“Dustin … do you know how many gentlemen turn out to be scumbags? I’ve dated enough nice guys to know that they break your heart too. So if I know Jeff is a jerk to begin with, which I don’t even actually know, maybe that’s to my ultimate advantage.”
“Angel …”
“I have to go, Dustin. Have a nice night.” [won’t she see him later? Doesn’t she, you know, work with him?]
Angel hung up the phone before he could reply or protest. She knew her friend meant well, but the absolute last thing she watned to do right now was get love advice from Dustin Rhodes.
The phone rang again … it was Jeff. Angel took a deep breath and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hey pretty lady.” [cue the ninjas!]
“Hey smooth talker.”
“So I think we should hang out.”
“Me too. “
“Excellent. I’m in town for three more nights.” [what kind of wrestling card lasts three nights?!?]
“We’d better not waste any time then.”
“I agree. I’ll pick you up at seven.” [wait … when is he going to wrestle?]
“See you then, Jeff.”
“Later, Angel.”
Angel hung up the phone and sunk into the couch [in her hotel room? Does she have a suite? Or are we suddenly back in her apartment again?] Seven! What should she wear? Three more nights? And then what? But she couldn’t allow herself to worry about that now. Jeff Hardy wasn’t about the future, he was about now. And now she had to go get something to wear. [why not just wear your outfit from Sting’s party? That was a hit!]
NOTES
1) When was the last time Angel did anything related to her job? Or, for that matter, anyone wrestled?
2) I wonder what Scott wanted. Maybe to let Angel know that he’s in town, seeing as how Jeff is there. Scott is supposedly still in the WWF, which is of course where Jeff is. Yeah, my wrestling chronology is completely screwed up. I obviously wanted to introduce Jeff, but in doing so, needed to conveniently ignore the fact that 6 years of wrestling storylines and brand switches have elapsed. Hooray for artistic license!
3) Sort of hanging up on Dustin is the least lame thing Angel has ever done.
COMING UP NEXT …
Angel buys underwear. Oh man. I’m sooooo sorry about this. And then she goes on a date with Jeff. If you’ve got the intestinal fortitude [tm Gorilla Monsoon], tune in next week for …
Chapter 57: One Night
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Chapter 56: The Other Half (part I)
Hail, fearless readers. Last week, Jeff nauseated the entire galaxy by singing the praises of Angel's lips. This week, our stomach linings are granted a reprieve: today's chapter is approximately 87% Angel-Free. Whee!
Chapter 56: The Other Half (part I)
Angel felt as if her insides were made of gelatin. What had just happened? She grinned. Her phone rang.
“No way. He can’t be calling that soon,” she reasoned. But her heart leapt at the idea. But the caller ID was Dustin. [caller ID! Ha! Remember that?] She turned the ringer off and went to bed.
------
“Chris? You in there somewhere?” Justina asked, waving her arms theatrically in front of his face.
“Yeah … Yeah. Sorry, Foss. I’m just …”
“Thinking about the blonde.”
“How did you know she was blonde?”
“Benoit, you have a picture of her in your wallet.” [does anyone actually carry pictures of their girlfriends in their wallets?]
“Where did you get my wallet?”
“It’s open here on the end table. You should really keep track of it better.”
“Yeah. Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Look … I know things are really confusing for you right now. I’m sorry I complicated everything.”
“Two to tango, Foss.”
“I know. Look, Chris … I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
Chris put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her intently. “Foss, you didn’t ruin anything. I’ve just got to sort some things out.”
She took his hands into hers and kissed them. “I have to go to work. I’ll see you later.”
Chris kissed her forehead and began to pack up his gear [woo! Duffel bagging!]. He exchanged nods and smiles with the other wrestlers who filtered through the dressing room and headed into the corridor. [sooo … this whole exchange took place in a dressing room? What was Justina doing there? Why would Chris have his wallet out on a table? How many dressing/locker rooms feature end tables?]
“Hey,” someone called behind him. Chris spun around to see Dustin Rhodes.
“What?”
“You going to tell me what’s going on with Angel?” [woah, that’s a bit forward, no?]
Chris put his bags down.
“Why the hell should I? You’re the one who screwed us up in the first place. So just back off, Rodeo Clown. I have nothing to explain to you. I owe you nothing.”
“Fair enough. Look, I know you have no reason to trust me or listen to me. And I also know that you and Angel’s relationship is none of my business … But I’m worried about her.”
“Dustin, I know she’s upset, but …”
“No—it’s not that. Chris, she left a bar last night with Jeff Hardy.”
“Jeff Hardy?”
“Yes. And when I tried to stop her, she went berserk on me. Chris, that fella is just no good. Parties all the time … with a different woman every night. Now, I’m not telling you what to do or how to run your love life, but I am telling you that you were so good for Angel, and I feel like a piece of garbage for getting in between y’all, and I’d do anything to get her away from that creep. I’ve said my piece.” [how patronizingly thoughtful of you]
Chris was silent. He clenched his jaw and offered his hand to Dustin.
“I appreciate that, Dustin. She doesn’t want to talk to me right now, and I don’t blame her. I screwed up bad. Bad. It’s going to take time. And my life is really confusing right now. So please, if you could, look after her as best you can?”
“Sure thing, Chris,” said Dustin, shaking Chris’s hand.
Chris ran his fingers through his hair, [ah, the classic physical manifestation of angst] picked up his bags, and left the arena.
NOTES:
1) Don’t you love it when male characters ask other male characters to “look after” female characters as if they were small children? Way to be progressive, college me.
2) I love how everyone knows Jeff Hardy well enough to have heard of him both as a wrestler and as a womanizer, but Angel couldn’t recognize him at the bar.
3) I kind of liked Chris in this chapter. Until he started showing concern for Angel.
COMING UP NEXT ....
In this chapter's exciting conclusion, Angel talks to various people on the phone. Wait, let me read it over again ... yeah, no, it's just talking to people on the phone. That's it.
See you next time for ...
Chapter 56: The Other Half (Part II)
Chapter 56: The Other Half (part I)
Angel felt as if her insides were made of gelatin. What had just happened? She grinned. Her phone rang.
“No way. He can’t be calling that soon,” she reasoned. But her heart leapt at the idea. But the caller ID was Dustin. [caller ID! Ha! Remember that?] She turned the ringer off and went to bed.
------
“Chris? You in there somewhere?” Justina asked, waving her arms theatrically in front of his face.
“Yeah … Yeah. Sorry, Foss. I’m just …”
“Thinking about the blonde.”
“How did you know she was blonde?”
“Benoit, you have a picture of her in your wallet.” [does anyone actually carry pictures of their girlfriends in their wallets?]
“Where did you get my wallet?”
“It’s open here on the end table. You should really keep track of it better.”
“Yeah. Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Look … I know things are really confusing for you right now. I’m sorry I complicated everything.”
“Two to tango, Foss.”
“I know. Look, Chris … I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
Chris put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her intently. “Foss, you didn’t ruin anything. I’ve just got to sort some things out.”
She took his hands into hers and kissed them. “I have to go to work. I’ll see you later.”
Chris kissed her forehead and began to pack up his gear [woo! Duffel bagging!]. He exchanged nods and smiles with the other wrestlers who filtered through the dressing room and headed into the corridor. [sooo … this whole exchange took place in a dressing room? What was Justina doing there? Why would Chris have his wallet out on a table? How many dressing/locker rooms feature end tables?]
“Hey,” someone called behind him. Chris spun around to see Dustin Rhodes.
“What?”
“You going to tell me what’s going on with Angel?” [woah, that’s a bit forward, no?]
Chris put his bags down.
“Why the hell should I? You’re the one who screwed us up in the first place. So just back off, Rodeo Clown. I have nothing to explain to you. I owe you nothing.”
“Fair enough. Look, I know you have no reason to trust me or listen to me. And I also know that you and Angel’s relationship is none of my business … But I’m worried about her.”
“Dustin, I know she’s upset, but …”
“No—it’s not that. Chris, she left a bar last night with Jeff Hardy.”
“Jeff Hardy?”
“Yes. And when I tried to stop her, she went berserk on me. Chris, that fella is just no good. Parties all the time … with a different woman every night. Now, I’m not telling you what to do or how to run your love life, but I am telling you that you were so good for Angel, and I feel like a piece of garbage for getting in between y’all, and I’d do anything to get her away from that creep. I’ve said my piece.” [how patronizingly thoughtful of you]
Chris was silent. He clenched his jaw and offered his hand to Dustin.
“I appreciate that, Dustin. She doesn’t want to talk to me right now, and I don’t blame her. I screwed up bad. Bad. It’s going to take time. And my life is really confusing right now. So please, if you could, look after her as best you can?”
“Sure thing, Chris,” said Dustin, shaking Chris’s hand.
Chris ran his fingers through his hair, [ah, the classic physical manifestation of angst] picked up his bags, and left the arena.
NOTES:
1) Don’t you love it when male characters ask other male characters to “look after” female characters as if they were small children? Way to be progressive, college me.
2) I love how everyone knows Jeff Hardy well enough to have heard of him both as a wrestler and as a womanizer, but Angel couldn’t recognize him at the bar.
3) I kind of liked Chris in this chapter. Until he started showing concern for Angel.
COMING UP NEXT ....
In this chapter's exciting conclusion, Angel talks to various people on the phone. Wait, let me read it over again ... yeah, no, it's just talking to people on the phone. That's it.
See you next time for ...
Chapter 56: The Other Half (Part II)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part 2)
Welcome back, all. If you've made it this far, you've got a pretty strong stomach. And trust me, you're gonna need it for today's installment.
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part 2)
“You are?”
“Jeff Hardy.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of you. You and your brother wrestle in WWF.”
“That’s me.”
“You guys are good.” [so you’ve heard of them, know that they’re good, but can’t recognize him? Oookay.]
“You have incredible lips, Angelica Kerris.” [oh barf.]
She tilted her head to one side and gave him a lopsided grin. [tm Joey Potter, I think. I lurved me some Dawson’s Creek back in the day. And by “back in the day” I mean I might have it on in the background as I type this.] “You’re quit the charmer, aren’t you?”
He pushed the bar napkin back towards her. “Wouldn’t you like to find out for sure?”
“And so full of yourself.” But she pulled the napkin towards her and lifted the pen. Before she could put a single digit on the paper, however, she became aware of a figure hovering over her.
“This creep bothering you, Angel?”
She looked up to see Dustin giving dirty glances to Jeff. Jeff stood up and glared back. [what is Dustin doing there? Aren’t they in Minnesota?]
“He’s fine, Dustin. I’m fine.”
“Stay away from him, Angel. He’s trouble.”
“Why don’t you back off and mind your own business, cowboy?” Jeff suggested, voice low and stern.
“Why don’t you,” Dustin began, but Angel gently pushed him aside.
“I said I’m fine, Dustin. We were just leaving.”
“You’re leaving with him?”
“Yes. Goodnight. Go home to your wife. I can take care of myself.”
“Angel,” Dustin half-whispered, “I know this guy. He’s not the kind of person you want to spend your time with. Where’s Chris?”
“I appreciate you looking out for me Dustin, but don’t worry about me … and don’t even breathe that man’s name to me ever again.” She turned to Jeff. “So let’s go.”
Jeff left a twenty on the bar and put his arm around Angel, leading her out of the bar. Dustin shook his head as he watched them leave.
The night was cool and foggy, but the air smelled somewhat sweet. They walked in silence for a few blocks before Jeff spoke.
“So you have some overprotective friends.”
“And you have a crappy reputation.”
“The two obviously don’t mix.”
“I guess not.”
“So are you going to give me your phone number or what?”
“Maybe.”
“Am I going to have to thrash you at tic tac toe again?”
“Maybe.”
“Where are we going?”
“You just walked me home,” she said, stopping in front of her hotel. [huh?!?]
“How about that?”
“Can you find your way back?”
“You’re not going to invite me in?” he asked with a playful smile.
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
“How should I know what kind of girl you are?”
“That’s right,” Angel mused aloud. “You don’t have any clue about who I am or how I act or what kinds of things I do or anything at all.”
“That could change.”
“Walk me to my room,” she said.
They made their way through the hotel in utterly unawkward silence. As they walked, Angel marveled at what she was doing – letting a total stranger—one with an apparently dangerous reputation—take her back to her room. What was she thinking?
As they got to her door, she turned to him. She knew what she was thinking then – he was gorgeous. She looked up at him.
“So do I get your phone number now?” he asked.
She responded by pulling him down towards her and kissing him. Taken somewhat off guard, Jeff quickly responded, placing one hand on her waist and the other on her face. Neither of them seemed willing to pull away. She could not remember the last time she had been kissed with such passion. Her knees felt watery. She gripped his arms to keep her balance. [what, no marveling at how muscular his arms are?]
When the kiss finally ended, they parted and looked at each other almost quizzically.
“I could tell,” he said after a little while.
“Tell what?”
“By looking at your lips. That you’d kiss like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like … there would be no words to describe it, only somehow only better than I imagined.” [uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg]
“Give me a break,” she said, grinning. “You probably say that to every girl you pick up at a bar.”
“Nah. Some of them. But I rarely mean it. And I never mean it this much – ever. Scout’s honor.”
“So what is it—the way they’re shaped?” [yes, Angel. The way they’re shaped. And the fact that they’re attached to you, of course, because you are the living embodiment of scrumtrulescence.]
He lifted her chin and stared intently at her lips. “Partially—have you noticed how full your lower lip is?”
Before she could say “No,” he kissed her again softly. She almost wanted to invite him in. Almost.
“So can I get your number?”
“I suppose.” She grabbed a pen from her purse and wrote her number on a scrap of paper.
“I don’t date wrestlers,” she reminded him.
“Who’s dating? We’re just hanging out.”
“That’s fine then.”
“I’ll call you sometime, Angelica.”
“Angel.”
“If you like. It was nice meeting you, Jeff.”
“You too. Sleep well.”
“Be safe.”
He kissed her forehead. Even that small act sent tiny shivers down Angel’s spine. She smiled at him and stepped into her hotel room.
NOTES:
1) Good golly, I loathe Angel. That is all.
Coming up next ...
Chris and Justina kind of sort stuff out while Dustin inserts himself into a chapter for no reason. Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 56: The Other Half
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part 2)
“You are?”
“Jeff Hardy.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of you. You and your brother wrestle in WWF.”
“That’s me.”
“You guys are good.” [so you’ve heard of them, know that they’re good, but can’t recognize him? Oookay.]
“You have incredible lips, Angelica Kerris.” [oh barf.]
She tilted her head to one side and gave him a lopsided grin. [tm Joey Potter, I think. I lurved me some Dawson’s Creek back in the day. And by “back in the day” I mean I might have it on in the background as I type this.] “You’re quit the charmer, aren’t you?”
He pushed the bar napkin back towards her. “Wouldn’t you like to find out for sure?”
“And so full of yourself.” But she pulled the napkin towards her and lifted the pen. Before she could put a single digit on the paper, however, she became aware of a figure hovering over her.
“This creep bothering you, Angel?”
She looked up to see Dustin giving dirty glances to Jeff. Jeff stood up and glared back. [what is Dustin doing there? Aren’t they in Minnesota?]
“He’s fine, Dustin. I’m fine.”
“Stay away from him, Angel. He’s trouble.”
“Why don’t you back off and mind your own business, cowboy?” Jeff suggested, voice low and stern.
“Why don’t you,” Dustin began, but Angel gently pushed him aside.
“I said I’m fine, Dustin. We were just leaving.”
“You’re leaving with him?”
“Yes. Goodnight. Go home to your wife. I can take care of myself.”
“Angel,” Dustin half-whispered, “I know this guy. He’s not the kind of person you want to spend your time with. Where’s Chris?”
“I appreciate you looking out for me Dustin, but don’t worry about me … and don’t even breathe that man’s name to me ever again.” She turned to Jeff. “So let’s go.”
Jeff left a twenty on the bar and put his arm around Angel, leading her out of the bar. Dustin shook his head as he watched them leave.
The night was cool and foggy, but the air smelled somewhat sweet. They walked in silence for a few blocks before Jeff spoke.
“So you have some overprotective friends.”
“And you have a crappy reputation.”
“The two obviously don’t mix.”
“I guess not.”
“So are you going to give me your phone number or what?”
“Maybe.”
“Am I going to have to thrash you at tic tac toe again?”
“Maybe.”
“Where are we going?”
“You just walked me home,” she said, stopping in front of her hotel. [huh?!?]
“How about that?”
“Can you find your way back?”
“You’re not going to invite me in?” he asked with a playful smile.
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
“How should I know what kind of girl you are?”
“That’s right,” Angel mused aloud. “You don’t have any clue about who I am or how I act or what kinds of things I do or anything at all.”
“That could change.”
“Walk me to my room,” she said.
They made their way through the hotel in utterly unawkward silence. As they walked, Angel marveled at what she was doing – letting a total stranger—one with an apparently dangerous reputation—take her back to her room. What was she thinking?
As they got to her door, she turned to him. She knew what she was thinking then – he was gorgeous. She looked up at him.
“So do I get your phone number now?” he asked.
She responded by pulling him down towards her and kissing him. Taken somewhat off guard, Jeff quickly responded, placing one hand on her waist and the other on her face. Neither of them seemed willing to pull away. She could not remember the last time she had been kissed with such passion. Her knees felt watery. She gripped his arms to keep her balance. [what, no marveling at how muscular his arms are?]
When the kiss finally ended, they parted and looked at each other almost quizzically.
“I could tell,” he said after a little while.
“Tell what?”
“By looking at your lips. That you’d kiss like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like … there would be no words to describe it, only somehow only better than I imagined.” [uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg]
“Give me a break,” she said, grinning. “You probably say that to every girl you pick up at a bar.”
“Nah. Some of them. But I rarely mean it. And I never mean it this much – ever. Scout’s honor.”
“So what is it—the way they’re shaped?” [yes, Angel. The way they’re shaped. And the fact that they’re attached to you, of course, because you are the living embodiment of scrumtrulescence.]
He lifted her chin and stared intently at her lips. “Partially—have you noticed how full your lower lip is?”
Before she could say “No,” he kissed her again softly. She almost wanted to invite him in. Almost.
“So can I get your number?”
“I suppose.” She grabbed a pen from her purse and wrote her number on a scrap of paper.
“I don’t date wrestlers,” she reminded him.
“Who’s dating? We’re just hanging out.”
“That’s fine then.”
“I’ll call you sometime, Angelica.”
“Angel.”
“If you like. It was nice meeting you, Jeff.”
“You too. Sleep well.”
“Be safe.”
He kissed her forehead. Even that small act sent tiny shivers down Angel’s spine. She smiled at him and stepped into her hotel room.
NOTES:
1) Good golly, I loathe Angel. That is all.
Coming up next ...
Chris and Justina kind of sort stuff out while Dustin inserts himself into a chapter for no reason. Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 56: The Other Half
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part I)
Greetings, all. And welcome to the Unabashedly Bad: The College Years.
In today's episode, Angel goes to a bar and has a drink. That's really pretty much all that happens. Oh, and yes, Amy. Armsocks. For serious.
Enjoy!
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part I)
Angel didn’t cry. [woah. was this chapter ghostwritten?] She had done enough crying in her life. She was done. She was also done with trying to figure out where she had gone wrong at every step in her entire relationship past. Right now, she just wanted to be alone. She didn’t answer the phone, she called in sick at work, and she deleted every message on her answering machine before she could even listen to them. She also briefly considered the following: quitting, moving, homicide, double homicide, and becoming a nun. She eventually talked herself out of each of these options, as they were all in some way impractical or illegal. But she had to do something different with herself. She couldn’t just bounce into work on Monday and smile as if her life were perfect. It was time for something different. She had been a sweet, naïve, unassuming girl all her life. All that got her was pain. Life had handed her so many lemons, but the lemonade she had turned them into was far too sweet. [see? I told you this was still bad.] Maybe it was time she spiked the lemonade.
“Okay,” she said out loud. “Okay.” She threw open the doors of her closet. [so she’s at home. In Minnesota. Remember that.] “I,” she said, grabbing a pair of heels, “am going to go to a bar and pick up men.” She put a coat of glossy red on to her lips. “No … I am going to a bar to let men try and pick up me.” She grabbed her purse and headed out. [Well that’s a stellar idea, Angel. But aren’t you afraid that your radiantly undeniable beauty will blind onlookers?]
The bar was noisy, smoky, and swarming with people. There were people in suits, people in jeans, and an alarming number of people with pronounced muscles and long hair.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Angel muttered to herself. She should’ve known better than to pick a hotel bar. Wrestlers. At least they weren’t from WCW. It looked like an odd blend of WWF guys and local indies [now why would they be mixing? And how would she know who they were?] Angel almost turned around, but then reasoned that she had nothing better to do and, seeing as how almost all the faces were unfamiliar, she might as well stay.
She sat at the end of the bar and ordered a cosmopolitan [sorry, folks. No winners this time]. She sipped it slowly and observed the throng of people. Men smiled at her. She smiled back. She had boring conversations with several forgettable guys, gave out three fake phone numbers, and switched to diet coke. Just as she was about to head out for the evening, someone leaned up against the bar right next to her.
“Leaving?” he asked.
“Maybe.”
“It’s not time to leave.”
“Why not?”
“You didn’t get to talk to me yet.”
“Man, you’ve got some confidence,” she said, smiling playfully. He didn’t’ respond, but he sat down and ordered a beer, motioning for the bartender to refill Angel’s drink as well.
As he ordered the drinks, Angel stole a quick glance at him. He was definitely a wrestler – with a body that looked cut out of marble. His face was young, smooth, and sharply defined, with sideburns that sloped at steep, marked angles towards his jawline. He was wearing a white shirt and baggy black jeans. And his hair …
“Is your hair purple?”
“Some of it.”
“Ok,” she said, shrugging.
“What’s your story?”
“It’s long and repetitive.” [pfft, she should’ve just given him the url of this blog]
“So let’s make it more fun.”
“That’s a horrible pick-up line.”
He flashed a smile at her. His eyes had a dark shine to them.
“You are incredibly sexy,” he said.
“You are incredibly forward.”
“It comes with the confidence.”
“I don’t date wrestlers,” she told him, turning back to the bar.
“What gave me away? The physique or the charisma?”
“The ego.”
“So we won’t date. We’ll chill.”
“We will?”
“I think so,” he handed her a bar napkin and a pen. She pushed it back towards him and grinned, noting the number sign.
“I just wanted to play tic tac toe. I was even going to let you start.”
“Okay.” She put an O in the center box and pushed it back towards him.
“Only a sucker starts in the middle box.” He put an X in the corner.
“Is that so?” She put an O in the other corner.
“Yep.” The napkin passed between them a few more times before he emerged triumphant. “See?”
“Only a sucker thinks he can impress a lady by beating her at tic tac toe.”
“What’s your name?”
“Angelica Kerris.”
“Pretty name.”
“You are?”
“Jeff Hardy.”
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Yeah, a cosmo. I saw a picture of one and thought it was pretty. I also assumed that it tasted good. Blech. Yes, as Oleg pointed out, I am hardly a connoisseur of alcohol. It all tastes nasty to me. If my parents are any indication, this aversion to alcohol has saved me a good deal of money and embarassment over the years. Sorry no one won this round. I've got another one coming up in chapter 61.
2) Jeff Hardy? Yeah, I thought he was pretty hawt back in the day. He looks kinda haggard these days, though, probably because of all those crazy drugs. Plus I heard he got in trouble with the law. I don't think Angel would approve of drugs and lawbreaking, Jeffy.
3) Who loses at tic tac toe? How does any game between two rational adults not end in a tie?
4) I love how Angel completely transforms in this chapter. It's almost as if three entire years have elapsed.
Oooooooookay.
COMING UP NEXT …
Jeff attempts to charm the pants off of Angel. Then one of Angel's Bestest Friends totally harshes on her realm. Hooo boy! Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part II)
In today's episode, Angel goes to a bar and has a drink. That's really pretty much all that happens. Oh, and yes, Amy. Armsocks. For serious.
Enjoy!
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part I)
Angel didn’t cry. [woah. was this chapter ghostwritten?] She had done enough crying in her life. She was done. She was also done with trying to figure out where she had gone wrong at every step in her entire relationship past. Right now, she just wanted to be alone. She didn’t answer the phone, she called in sick at work, and she deleted every message on her answering machine before she could even listen to them. She also briefly considered the following: quitting, moving, homicide, double homicide, and becoming a nun. She eventually talked herself out of each of these options, as they were all in some way impractical or illegal. But she had to do something different with herself. She couldn’t just bounce into work on Monday and smile as if her life were perfect. It was time for something different. She had been a sweet, naïve, unassuming girl all her life. All that got her was pain. Life had handed her so many lemons, but the lemonade she had turned them into was far too sweet. [see? I told you this was still bad.] Maybe it was time she spiked the lemonade.
“Okay,” she said out loud. “Okay.” She threw open the doors of her closet. [so she’s at home. In Minnesota. Remember that.] “I,” she said, grabbing a pair of heels, “am going to go to a bar and pick up men.” She put a coat of glossy red on to her lips. “No … I am going to a bar to let men try and pick up me.” She grabbed her purse and headed out. [Well that’s a stellar idea, Angel. But aren’t you afraid that your radiantly undeniable beauty will blind onlookers?]
The bar was noisy, smoky, and swarming with people. There were people in suits, people in jeans, and an alarming number of people with pronounced muscles and long hair.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Angel muttered to herself. She should’ve known better than to pick a hotel bar. Wrestlers. At least they weren’t from WCW. It looked like an odd blend of WWF guys and local indies [now why would they be mixing? And how would she know who they were?] Angel almost turned around, but then reasoned that she had nothing better to do and, seeing as how almost all the faces were unfamiliar, she might as well stay.
She sat at the end of the bar and ordered a cosmopolitan [sorry, folks. No winners this time]. She sipped it slowly and observed the throng of people. Men smiled at her. She smiled back. She had boring conversations with several forgettable guys, gave out three fake phone numbers, and switched to diet coke. Just as she was about to head out for the evening, someone leaned up against the bar right next to her.
“Leaving?” he asked.
“Maybe.”
“It’s not time to leave.”
“Why not?”
“You didn’t get to talk to me yet.”
“Man, you’ve got some confidence,” she said, smiling playfully. He didn’t’ respond, but he sat down and ordered a beer, motioning for the bartender to refill Angel’s drink as well.
As he ordered the drinks, Angel stole a quick glance at him. He was definitely a wrestler – with a body that looked cut out of marble. His face was young, smooth, and sharply defined, with sideburns that sloped at steep, marked angles towards his jawline. He was wearing a white shirt and baggy black jeans. And his hair …
“Is your hair purple?”
“Some of it.”
“Ok,” she said, shrugging.
“What’s your story?”
“It’s long and repetitive.” [pfft, she should’ve just given him the url of this blog]
“So let’s make it more fun.”
“That’s a horrible pick-up line.”
He flashed a smile at her. His eyes had a dark shine to them.
“You are incredibly sexy,” he said.
“You are incredibly forward.”
“It comes with the confidence.”
“I don’t date wrestlers,” she told him, turning back to the bar.
“What gave me away? The physique or the charisma?”
“The ego.”
“So we won’t date. We’ll chill.”
“We will?”
“I think so,” he handed her a bar napkin and a pen. She pushed it back towards him and grinned, noting the number sign.
“I just wanted to play tic tac toe. I was even going to let you start.”
“Okay.” She put an O in the center box and pushed it back towards him.
“Only a sucker starts in the middle box.” He put an X in the corner.
“Is that so?” She put an O in the other corner.
“Yep.” The napkin passed between them a few more times before he emerged triumphant. “See?”
“Only a sucker thinks he can impress a lady by beating her at tic tac toe.”
“What’s your name?”
“Angelica Kerris.”
“Pretty name.”
“You are?”
“Jeff Hardy.”
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Yeah, a cosmo. I saw a picture of one and thought it was pretty. I also assumed that it tasted good. Blech. Yes, as Oleg pointed out, I am hardly a connoisseur of alcohol. It all tastes nasty to me. If my parents are any indication, this aversion to alcohol has saved me a good deal of money and embarassment over the years. Sorry no one won this round. I've got another one coming up in chapter 61.
2) Jeff Hardy? Yeah, I thought he was pretty hawt back in the day. He looks kinda haggard these days, though, probably because of all those crazy drugs. Plus I heard he got in trouble with the law. I don't think Angel would approve of drugs and lawbreaking, Jeffy.
3) Who loses at tic tac toe? How does any game between two rational adults not end in a tie?
4) I love how Angel completely transforms in this chapter. It's almost as if three entire years have elapsed.
Oooooooookay.
COMING UP NEXT …
Jeff attempts to charm the pants off of Angel. Then one of Angel's Bestest Friends totally harshes on her realm. Hooo boy! Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 55: Reevaluation (Part II)
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