Chapter 12 - "Goodbye, < Middle Names II"

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This one is my favorite. I can’t believe I wrote this.

Chapter 12 - “Goodbye.< Middle Names II”

8:05 am

Ms. Elizabeth could not believe the fans were more in favor of Anjel than her! Something drastic had to be done. She sat down and thought up a fiendishly clever and sinister plot. By the end of the day she would spring it into action.

4:55 PM

“Marty! Where are you!? The match will start in 5 minutes!” said Anjel frantically. (Little did our heroine know that this was all part of Elizabeth’s Master Plan.)
--- back in Elizabeth’s dressing room ---
--- Elizabeth had pulled Marty into the room as he walked past it.
“Marty, Anjel wanted me to tell you something.”
“Woah, now, Elizabeth. I’m not stupid. I know that you and Anjel do not get along. Whatever she wants to tell me she’ll do it herself.” he turned to leave, but Elizabeth grabbed him. “Allright, isn’t this Anjels handwriting?” she asked handing him a perfectly forged note.

Dear Marty,
I don’t know how to put this, but I must go back to Idaho. I will be living with a relative in Boise. I have to leave immeadiatly. Please don’t be sad. I have been given a job offering to be a doctor. There is no way you could com with me. You see, the relatives I have agreed to live with have a strict rule about strangers in the house. I tried to explain to them, but I couldn’t persuede them. Try to forget about me. Put me out of your mind.
I’ve already said goodbye to Brutus, Sherri, Mr. P., and the rest of the bunch. Goodbye 2 U. I love you. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. All of My Love – Charlotte Theodosia (Anjel)
P.S. Throw out this letter as soon as you read it. Prolonged sadness may lead to depression. All the Best, <3 Anjel

“It is her handwriting. I don’t believe it.” said Marty and tears filled his eyes. Elizabeth knew that Marty could not see through her phony disguise. “Oh Marty, I know how you feel. When Randy left me I went home. That’s why I’ve packed your bags for you, booked you a flight to Georgia. I’ve also sent a note to your friends saying goodbye. Here, now I’ll tear up your note.” Which she did. Marty was too heartbroken to say or do anything. There was a beep from outside. “Now there’s your cab.” She handed him the fare.
“He knows where to take you. Have a good flight.” she said and led him to the cab.
Just like that. He was gone. Time for phase 2 of the plan to be put into action. Elizabeth slipped a note beneath Anjel’s door and ran away silently. Anjel saw the note and read it. It as in Marty’s handwriting.

Dear Anjel,
I Regret To Say That I Must Go Back To Georgia. My Poor Grandfather Is Sick.
I Love You. – Marty Jannetty

“I don’t buy it.” Said Anjel looking over the note.
“First of all, 1 of Marty’s grandfathers live in Alabama and the other one lives in Maine. And if Marty really wrote that he’d put more into it. But it is his handwriting. I don’t get it.
Anjel walked around the whole building. No trace of him.
She asked all of Marty’s friends from Brutus to Al the janitor [?? Maybe he was in a lost story?]
“Sorry Anj, he never said anything to me, and I haven’t seen him in at least 5 hours.” said Brutus.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

NOTES:

1) Elizabeth seems somewhat disproportionately angry about Anjel’s offhand remark, no? But I must admit, her plan is AIR TIGHT. She even hands Marty the correct cab fare.

2) I don’t know about you, but I’d be a bit suspicious of any place that would offer Anjel a job as a doctor, seeing as how she’s not a doctor.

3) Does no one own a phone? I know this was way before the advent of cell phones … but still …people did communicate in the early 90’s via means that did not involve notes. Who share major pieces of vital information via notes?? Oh, yeah, middle-schoolers.

the missing links

Here is what, to the best of my recollection, was in the pages missing from this epic story:

“Middle Names” – The passion with which I loved Marty Jannetty was only rivaled by the passion with which I hated Miss Elizabeth. For those of you not in the know, Miss Elizabeth was The Macho Man’s valet (and wife … I was totally at their “wedding” during Summerslam 91). I couldn’t stand this woman. Something about her just irked me. So I wrote her into the story as Anjel’s first arch nemesis. My memory is a bit fuzzy on some of the details, but the first line of the story was: “More than anything, Anjel hated her middle name.”

Anyhoo, there’s a match set up between Marty and the Macho Man. At some point, Macho looks like he’s in trouble, so Elizabeth rips off the bottom of her dress to distract the referee (that’s what she did in “real life” at Summerslam 88). Marty loses the match because of this. Then Mean Gene interviews both Anjel and Miss Elizabeth. I distinctly remember juxtaposing scenes of Anjel and Elizabeth selecting outfits in preparation for their interviews. Liz puts on a low-cut top and a short skirt, while Anjel puts on a long red t-shirt, cinched at the waist with a black belt and a pair of black spandex. Hawt. Liz fawns and simpers through the interview and Anjel is the epitome of cool. She also says ripping off your skirt to distract the referee was a cheap thing to do, which sends ripples of controversy throughout the WWF. I actually even wrote a mock letters to the editor section of WWF magazine with fans across the country writing in on who they thought was right: Anjel or Elizabeth. Elizabeth does have some supporters (I believe I intentionally made them sound stupid in their letters) but most fans side with Anjel. Elizabeth will not stand for this! Look out, Anjel … this is gonna come back to bite you on your spandex-covered ass!

I don’t remember anything else actually happening … the only thing I know for sure is that the last lines were: “Charlotte ELIZABETH Theodosia put the magazine down and sighed. Now you know why she hated her middle name?” I asked all the tough questions.

I think there are only two things you need to take away from this story: 1) Marty really isn’t in it. I was slowly discovering that he was pretty boring on the whole. 2) Anjel is a total prude. (coincidentally, so was I)

“The Cetaminifin story” - Shawn is sick and Sherri doesn’t know what to do. So she calls Anjel, who is, of course, a nurse, and therefore the only person she could possibly think of to call. Sherri says she’s going to give Shawn Cetaminifin. What is that? I don’t know. I suppose it sounded a lot like acetaminophen, which I was fairly certain was some sort of medicine. Anyhoo, Anjel quickly saves the day by letting her know that Shawn is allergic to Cetaminifin. He had confessed that horrible secret to Marty during their days of being BFF. Unlike Shawn, who uses Marty’s debilitating daisy allergy for evil in Chapter 1, Marty uses this knowledge for good.

Also, in this chapter, Marty is sick too … and thus once again has almost zero involvement in the story.

My absolute favorite part is the only one I remember with any degree of clarity. When Anjel gets the distress call from Sherri, she is sitting at a table working. I couldn’t just leave it at that. What is she working on? A math problem. I actually wrote “Anjel was working on a math problem.” One of her neighbors asked her to figure out how much money they should pay their son’s tutor, because they needed to pay twice as much as they did for his violin lessons, but more than half as much as they did for his soccer lessons. Sounds amazingly like something right out of a fifth-grade math textbook, no?

I know there was more … because the next chapter I have is Chapter 9, but I’m drawing a blank right now. If I ever recall anything, you’ll be the first to know!

Coming next: Chapter 9, "Reunited" ... it's a doozy.