I knew y'all would be back after that intriguing cliffhanger. The snow is falling (where I live, at least) and there's an inauguration brewing ... what better way to celebrate both than with ...
Chapter 25: The Truth
A dam broke somewhere inside Angel [is it time to have the Detrol discussion?]. All of the tears she had been holding back rushed forward.
Chris pulled Angel to his chest and let her sob.
“Shh. Calm down. It’ll be okay, Angelica.”
“I’ve kept this in for so long, Chris.” [What? What? Oh, this is going to be good! There’s no way we’ll be disappointed by whatever this shocking revelation is!]
“You remember our first date when I told you about Marty?”
All of the feelings that had first filled her when she read the article telling of Marty’s move to the USWF entered her again. She had kept them down in a dark part of her mind for so long. The truth about Marty, the truth about Nightshade, known by no one but Marie and herself, would be told.
“Of course I remember it.” Chris said.
“I left out something. At the time, it seemed unimportant because you didn’t know who Marie was. But now that you do …”
“Only tell me if you want to, Angelica.” [I mean, this HAS to be serious. He’s calling her by her full name!]
“I need to, Chris.”
“Then go ahead.”
She sat up straight and wiped her eyes. This was going to be hard enough, crying wouldn’t help. Looking at her feet, she began. [Wow. What could it be? Did Marie tie her up and force her to watch as she and Marty took turns trashing all of Angel’s doo-wop 45’s? Did Marie and Marty collude to somehow exploit a secret, but debilitating, allergy Angel has? What? What?!?]
“The article had a photo with it. It was a picture of Marty kissing a woman named Magnificent Marie.”
“You mean …”
“Yes. The same Marie who had broken the heart of Mr. P and who is currently dating Scott Steiner stole Marty from me.” [ … And?]
“How can you be sure?”
“About a week after Marty left, I received a letter from Marie. I don’t remember exactly what she said in it, I think I burned it, but basically she called me a few names and told me that she finally got her revenge on me for stealing Mr. P.” [… And?!?]
“But if Marty loved you, why would he do that to you?”
“Who knows? She’s a beautiful woman. Marty was never that bright of a guy. She has incredible powers of manipulation.”
“How could she have been so sure that you’d read the article?”
“She probably told Marty to leave it where I would find it. Which I did.” [ … and …?}
“Why haven’t you told anyone else?” [because it’s completely stupid?]
“I couldn’t tell Mr. P., not after what she did to him. No one else knows about Marty, except for bobby, and he doesn’t know who Marie is. What worries me now is Scotty. Marie—there’s something wrong with her. She’s so revenge-crazed, even after all this time. What if she … I don’t even want to think about what she might do.”
There was a knock at the door. While Chris went to answer it, Angel washed her face.
“What’re you trying to do, Christopher? Lock us out?” bellowed a deep, jovial voice.
“Hi, Dad.” [Wait. Why don’t they have keys? It’s their house!!]
A large man, around sixty-five or so entered, He had graying black hair and piercing blue eyes.
“Where’s Nancy? Nancy!” he called. [ooh, wasn’t that Chris Benoit’s real life wife’s name? Yipes!]
A very small woman with light brown hair and soft brown eyes entered. She looked exactly like Chris.
“For Heaven’s sake, Pascal, you don’t have to shout! Oh, where are our manners? You must be Angelica. Chris has told me so much about you.”
“Don’t worry, most of it was good.” Chris’ Dad said as they shook hands.
Chris rolled his eyes but Angel laughed. It was easy to see where Chris got his sense of humor.
Dinner that night was delicious. Angel immediately liked Chris’ parents. After Nancy and Pascal Benoit went to bed, Chris and Angel stayed up to talk.
“You’re really close to your parents, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” Said Chris, smiling. “They’re the greatest. So when can I meet yours?”
Angel looked down. “I’m afraid that wouldn’t be possible.”
“Why not? Did they disown your or something?” He laughed.
“No.” She said quickly.
“Then what … oh.” He said, suddenly realizing what she meant. “I’m sorry. That was really stupid of me.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I should’ve …”
“It’s okay.”
“When?”
“When I was young. There was an accident. There was glass everywhere. And the blood, so much blood.” She shuddered.
“Shh. Don’t talk about it anymore. It’s over now.” He soothed.
“Right.” Said Angel, snapping out of her trance.
“You want some coffee or something?”
“No. I think I’ll go to bed now.” Said Angel, standing up.
“Sweet dreams, Sunshine.”
“You too.”
They kissed goodnight. But Angel’s dreams were far from sweet.
NOTES
1) Worst. Secret. Ever.
2) So Chris and Angel have been dating for months, but this is the first time she’s mentioned not only that both of her parents died when she was a child, but that she was there when the accident happened? Not to mention that this is the first time we are hearing about it? What in the what? I’ll bet you anything it’s just because I didn’t want to come up with any stories about Angel’s parents.
3) Also … how is that stupid secret about Marie and Marty somehow more emotionally damaging than the death of both of her parents???? Why is that secret "The Truth"??
4) I love how meeting Chris' parents was such a non-issue.
Coming up next …
Bobby returns, we have stuff rehashed again, and Arn is angry for no reason. Aww, I miss Arn. Join us for ...
Chapter 26: Back Home
Showing posts with label Marty Jannetty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marty Jannetty. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, August 18, 2008
Chapter 14: A Turn of Events
Just in case it’s not painfully obvious, I was pretty sick of Marty. Here is his swan song. It’s a particularly inelegant sendoff. But not quite as inelegant as Bru’s.
Chapter 14: A Turn of Events
Marty had not come home last night. Anjel sat in her room in a hotel in Maine, worrying when he finally came home at 7:00 AM he fell fast asleep on his couch. She walked through his open door she nearly tripped over a briefcase she picked it up and it fell open a piece of U.S.A. Wrestle World. [woah run on sentence] It was a very respectable magazine. She opened it and read it while walking back to her room. It was about Marty Jannetty who had just arrived in the USWF! He had a scantily clad manager named Magnificent Marie. There was a picture of Marty and Marie in a liplock. Marie had long flowing black hair that fell to her waist [sound familiar?]. Anjel also read that Marty, when asked about former manager and perhaps even lover, he said “Anjel? Sure we had something—for maybe 5 seconds. Just another pretty face. Dumb Blonde. Now Marie …”
DUMB BLONDE!! She began to cry, which she hardly ever did. [?!?!] She loved him and she was just another pretty face. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. Her phone rang. Mr. Perfect heard the phone. He knocked on her door and opened it when there was no answer. He saw her crying.
“Anjel, honey, what’s wrong?” she handed him the clipping, minus the photo, and he hugged her tightly after reading it. Brutus heard the commotion and came in.
“Oh my gosh, what happened?” Anjel handed him the magazine clipping. He touched her on her shoulder and said “Don’t worry I’ll go talk to him.” He went into Marty’s dressing room and woke him from his sleep.
“Whaaaaa? Brutus? Go away! I’m sleeping.” He said in a murmur.
Brutus flicked the lights on and shoved the article in his face. “What the heck do you think you were doing?” he said [woah awkward verb tenses]
“Oh, this? Well it’s all true. I don’t need her. I’m officially leaving on Tuesday.” He said rubbing his eyes.
“You scum! She saved your life! How could you just toss her aside?”
“It’s a free country!” [touché] he said, now awake. “Now, Please, get out.”
Brutus shook his head in disgust. He left the room and went into Anjel’s room.
“Look Anjel, I know that this is not the best time to tell you this, but I’m moving back to San Francisco.” Said Brutus. “I’ll write. I promise you. My plane leaves in ½ an hour. I’ll miss you so much.” He said and kissed her goodbye. He left before he could cry in front of Mr. Perfect [hallelujah]
“The nerve of that guy! You think he’d tell you in advance! How could he drop a bombshell on you with that kind of impact. Especially now.” said Mr. Perfect
Anjel sobbed “My whole life is falling apart.”
Mr. Perfect squoze her tightly. “Don’t worry, Anjel. Everything will turn out OK. Every thing is going to be OK” he soothed. “Look, I know how you feel. When Nightshade left me, I thought things could not get any worse, but now with Bobby and Ric Hating my guts, I guess they did. [now there are some words of encouragement]. But, Anjel, I want you to remember one thing no matter how bad things get for either of us (pause) I’ll always love you.” [somebody cue Whitney Houston]
She locked eyes with him and replied, in a quavering voice “I’ll always love you, too. Forever.” She swallowed and said “Thank you so much. You don’t know how much better you made me feel by saying that.” They just kind of sat like that for a while, with Mr. Perfect’s arms around Anjel’s shoulders. He did not want to leave her until he was sure she would be OK. Finally after along time spent talking softly to one another about things like their childhood, their parents, ad their homes, anything to keep Anjel’s mind off of Current times Anjel fell asleep on Mr. Perfect’s shoulder. Being tired himself, he gently laid her down on the couch and spread a blanket over her, trying hard not to awake her [or the readers. Zzzz]
Anjel awoke around 11:00 AM next morning. Painful memories of the night before came back. She showered and changed her clothes.
The next two weeks were hard. Anjel had never felt so alone in her life. Mr. Perfect was there for her, but ever since his split with Flair, he’d been obsessed with revenge. Anjel needed a job—badly. [what, no offers to be a doctor?] She had gone to countless job interviews, filled out infinate resumes until one day, she found a job. She was over-qualified for it and knew that it was something that she would enjoy doing. It was time to begin a new life. With her new career as a first aid Nurse for WCW.
THE END???
This is not the end. It is merely the beginning of a new life for Anjel, with new relationships, new enemies, and most importantly, new friends. Continued in BOOK 2 – Angelica’s New Life
NOTES:
1) Why is Marty carrying around magazine clippings in a briefcase? Wait, why does Marty even have a briefcase? He’s a professional wrestler, not an investment banker.
2) Man. Brutus has some timing in announcing his trip back to SF. I wonder if he’s trying to get me to write Reunited Part III.
3) So by this point in my career as a wrestling fan, I was starting to like WCW more than WWF. No, this has nothing to do with the Monday Night Wars or the Outsiders or any of the stuff that made WCW popular in the Nitro era. This was 1993. The Hollywood Blondes, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, 2 Cold Scorpio … why did I get so obsessed? No clue. But I did. And I decided that I needed to shake things up. So off to WCW goes our sparkling Mary Sue! But what horrible allergies and fonts of tears await her there? You’ll find out in … Chapter 1: Introductions. [Yes, I restarted the chapters. Hey, it's a free country!]
Chapter 14: A Turn of Events
Marty had not come home last night. Anjel sat in her room in a hotel in Maine, worrying when he finally came home at 7:00 AM he fell fast asleep on his couch. She walked through his open door she nearly tripped over a briefcase she picked it up and it fell open a piece of U.S.A. Wrestle World. [woah run on sentence] It was a very respectable magazine. She opened it and read it while walking back to her room. It was about Marty Jannetty who had just arrived in the USWF! He had a scantily clad manager named Magnificent Marie. There was a picture of Marty and Marie in a liplock. Marie had long flowing black hair that fell to her waist [sound familiar?]. Anjel also read that Marty, when asked about former manager and perhaps even lover, he said “Anjel? Sure we had something—for maybe 5 seconds. Just another pretty face. Dumb Blonde. Now Marie …”
DUMB BLONDE!! She began to cry, which she hardly ever did. [?!?!] She loved him and she was just another pretty face. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. Her phone rang. Mr. Perfect heard the phone. He knocked on her door and opened it when there was no answer. He saw her crying.
“Anjel, honey, what’s wrong?” she handed him the clipping, minus the photo, and he hugged her tightly after reading it. Brutus heard the commotion and came in.
“Oh my gosh, what happened?” Anjel handed him the magazine clipping. He touched her on her shoulder and said “Don’t worry I’ll go talk to him.” He went into Marty’s dressing room and woke him from his sleep.
“Whaaaaa? Brutus? Go away! I’m sleeping.” He said in a murmur.
Brutus flicked the lights on and shoved the article in his face. “What the heck do you think you were doing?” he said [woah awkward verb tenses]
“Oh, this? Well it’s all true. I don’t need her. I’m officially leaving on Tuesday.” He said rubbing his eyes.
“You scum! She saved your life! How could you just toss her aside?”
“It’s a free country!” [touché] he said, now awake. “Now, Please, get out.”
Brutus shook his head in disgust. He left the room and went into Anjel’s room.
“Look Anjel, I know that this is not the best time to tell you this, but I’m moving back to San Francisco.” Said Brutus. “I’ll write. I promise you. My plane leaves in ½ an hour. I’ll miss you so much.” He said and kissed her goodbye. He left before he could cry in front of Mr. Perfect [hallelujah]
“The nerve of that guy! You think he’d tell you in advance! How could he drop a bombshell on you with that kind of impact. Especially now.” said Mr. Perfect
Anjel sobbed “My whole life is falling apart.”
Mr. Perfect squoze her tightly. “Don’t worry, Anjel. Everything will turn out OK. Every thing is going to be OK” he soothed. “Look, I know how you feel. When Nightshade left me, I thought things could not get any worse, but now with Bobby and Ric Hating my guts, I guess they did. [now there are some words of encouragement]. But, Anjel, I want you to remember one thing no matter how bad things get for either of us (pause) I’ll always love you.” [somebody cue Whitney Houston]
She locked eyes with him and replied, in a quavering voice “I’ll always love you, too. Forever.” She swallowed and said “Thank you so much. You don’t know how much better you made me feel by saying that.” They just kind of sat like that for a while, with Mr. Perfect’s arms around Anjel’s shoulders. He did not want to leave her until he was sure she would be OK. Finally after along time spent talking softly to one another about things like their childhood, their parents, ad their homes, anything to keep Anjel’s mind off of Current times Anjel fell asleep on Mr. Perfect’s shoulder. Being tired himself, he gently laid her down on the couch and spread a blanket over her, trying hard not to awake her [or the readers. Zzzz]
Anjel awoke around 11:00 AM next morning. Painful memories of the night before came back. She showered and changed her clothes.
The next two weeks were hard. Anjel had never felt so alone in her life. Mr. Perfect was there for her, but ever since his split with Flair, he’d been obsessed with revenge. Anjel needed a job—badly. [what, no offers to be a doctor?] She had gone to countless job interviews, filled out infinate resumes until one day, she found a job. She was over-qualified for it and knew that it was something that she would enjoy doing. It was time to begin a new life. With her new career as a first aid Nurse for WCW.
THE END???
This is not the end. It is merely the beginning of a new life for Anjel, with new relationships, new enemies, and most importantly, new friends. Continued in BOOK 2 – Angelica’s New Life
NOTES:
1) Why is Marty carrying around magazine clippings in a briefcase? Wait, why does Marty even have a briefcase? He’s a professional wrestler, not an investment banker.
2) Man. Brutus has some timing in announcing his trip back to SF. I wonder if he’s trying to get me to write Reunited Part III.
3) So by this point in my career as a wrestling fan, I was starting to like WCW more than WWF. No, this has nothing to do with the Monday Night Wars or the Outsiders or any of the stuff that made WCW popular in the Nitro era. This was 1993. The Hollywood Blondes, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, 2 Cold Scorpio … why did I get so obsessed? No clue. But I did. And I decided that I needed to shake things up. So off to WCW goes our sparkling Mary Sue! But what horrible allergies and fonts of tears await her there? You’ll find out in … Chapter 1: Introductions. [Yes, I restarted the chapters. Hey, it's a free country!]
Monday, August 11, 2008
"A Perfect Part of View" Part III
(just tuning in? Hello! Please read the introduction first!)
And now, the exciting conclusion we have all been waiting for ...
“A Perfect Point of View” Part III
[Mr. Perfect has just telephoned Anjel, the font of all wisdom and miraculous advice]
2 rings
Marty: Hello [hooray! Marty has lines!]
Mr. P: Hello, this is Mr. Perfect I need to talk to Anjel.
Marty: Just a sec … [nice while it lasted. Seeya, MJ]
Anjel: Hello
Mr. P: Hi Anjel
Anjel: oh, its great ot hear your voice!
Mr. P: Yeah, you too.
Anjel: Hey, are you OK? You sound really sad. How’s Nightshade?
Mr. P. (voice cracking) She’s just fine.
Anjel: What’s wrong?
Mr. P: I told her, it just slipped out.
Anjel: Told her what?
Mr. P: (shouting) I LOVED HER
Anjel: Sorry.
Mr. P: No, I’m sorry, my short temper got the best of me again.
Anjel: What happened?
Mr. P: She laughed at me.
Anjel: (pause) I guess you’re a little shaken up.
Mr. P: Yeah, that’s an understatement.
Anjel: Take a deep breath (he does) let it out slowly (he does) Feel better?
Mr. P: Yeah, thanks.
Anjel: Ok. Do you know why she laughed?
Mr. P: no, I threw her out before I could explain.
Anjel: oh. Did she seem like she was trying to explain when she left?
Mr. P: I’m not sure (pause) yeah, I think so. I was too mad to let her.
Anjel: I think you should let her come to you.
Mr. P: What if she doesn’t?
Anjel: Give her 2 weeks, if she doesn’t by then, then you should forget about her.
Mr. P: Impossible.
Anjel: Think about it. Will you still loverher [?] in 2 weeks knowing that she could care less that she hurt you?
Mr. P: Probably not. You are always right, Anjel.
Anjel: Aw. Anytime to help a friend. You still sound sad.
Mr. P: (pause) I know.
Anjel: If it helps Mr. P., I love you. [hurl!]
Mr. P: Thanks, Anjel, it does help, and I love you too.
[ugg, this drags on and on .. in an effort to cheer him up, Anjel reminds Mr. P. of that hilarious perfume incident. They laugh like ninnies and he falls over himself to shower her with compliments and then they both hang up. And yes, I actually wrote “CLICK!”]
It turns out that I didn’t have to wait 2 weeks for an apology.
Getting through the Quadfecta meeting was hard. Since my seat was next to N.S.’s. [you have assigned seats?]
“Now Mr. Perfect if anything goes wrong, you have your brass knuckles, right?” asked Slick Ric
“Right, Champ.” I said my voice must have sounded a little miserable because Bobby elbowed me.
“You O.K.?” he whispered
“Female Trouble, I’ll get over it” I whispered back
“And Nightshade, you have your perfume?” asked Ric
“Yes, sir.” she answered
“What scent?” I had to ask
“Palm Springs” she replied, quite surprised I had spoken to her.
“Why” she asked
“I’m allergic to 1 – Tropical Mist” I said with no emotion [ooh, you’ll regret telling her that, Mr. P. Something tells me she comes from the Shawn Michaels school of nefaroiusness]
“Okay, Everybody ready? Let’s go” said Ric Everyone filed out.
NEXT DAY
I was sitting in my room when a knock came on my door. “Who is it?” I asked
“Nightshade.”
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” I told her.
“Please let me in, I … I want to apologize.” she said.
“Allright, come in.”
She walked in wearing a beautiful smile which I did not return.
“Come on now, cheer up!” she said brightly.
“If you came here to do that you can leave.” I told her coldly. Her face became very serious. “Mr. Perfect, I care for you deeply, I don’t’ like to see you this way.” she said.
“You made me this way” I said.
“Oh, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to make you so sad. It was a mistake, I don’t know why I laughed at you … I’m sorry, not only for that, bur for not loving you. I wish I could, but I can’t, I care about you, and you are a wonderful person, but I’m a jezebel, and I can’t devote myself to you. God, I wish I could.” She said and a tear spilled down her cheek [actually, that sounds a lot like the way I broke up with several boyfriends. Also, I can’t believe I knew the word “jezebel” in 6th grade]
“Aw, come on now, don’t cry. I forgive you.” I told her and gave her my handkerchief [who uses handkerchiefs?]
“Thank you.” She said. She kissed me on my cheek. “I wish I could.” She said before she left.”
[then Mr. P. writes another blasted letter to Anjel. This one is GOLD]
Dear Anjel,
You were right! (as usual) Nightshade apologized to me, although she still doesn’t love me. She said that she was a jezebbel and could never limit herself to 1 man. I just want to thank you again for the phone conversation we had, I think that I would probably would still be depressed 1 year from now if it weren’t for you. And I meant it when I said I love you. I really did. Love means Hates nothing about. And I could never hate anything about you, Anjel. Thank you. [here I wrote and later crossed out “How is Marty?” … poor Marty … ] I miss you. Love, Mr. Perfect.
-------
NEXT DAY
I decided to swing by Nightshade’s to make sure everything was O.K. between us. I knocked on her door but there was no answer.
“Nightshade!” I called, no answer.
I used my spare set of keys to open her door. I saw her lying down, head on the pillow, at first I thought she was unconcious or worse, but then I heard sobbing so I knew she was O.K. – physically that is. [about time we had some egregious crying]
“Nightshade, what’s wrong? Please look at me.” She kept crying. She was getting me worried. “Please I care about you.”
This made her cry harder.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? Just look at me!” I was getting nowhere.
“Wait.”
“At least now you’re speaking to me.”
“Let’s try again.” I said and sat on her bed.
She lifted her head from the soggy pillow and dabbed her eyes with my handkerchief. Even with her red and puffy eyes and tear-streaked face she was beautiful. I pushed away the black hair sticking to her face. Her lower lip quivered.
“Take a deep breath.” She did. “Let it out slowly.” She did. “Feel Better?” she nodded. (ah, the magic of Anjel!) [HURL!]
“I’ve never loved anybody before. My reputation has seen to that. Date ‘em and forget about them. So when you said that you loved me, well, I thought that you were joking. And It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I loved you too. And now, the only man I’ve ever loved, doesn’t love me any more” she began to cry again.
“Hey, hey, hey. Who said I don’t love you anymore?” I asked her. She looked at me.
“After the way I hurt you?” she asked.
“I forgave you.” I pointed out.
“I know, but …… I couldn’t forgive myself.”
“Please forgive yourself. I love you, Nightshade.”
“I love you, too Mr. P.”
I kissed her – on the lips, mind you.
Notes:
1) Shout out to Marty! Welcome back, man!
2) With all this communication going on, I can’t believe no one sent a telegram in this story.
3) Hey, y’all: Love means Hates nothing about. I actually told my fiancé that last night. Then I kissed him on the lips. He’s a lucky guy.
COMING UP NEXT: “Bitter Words” – in which Ric Flair has a match against Marty Jannetty. Uh Oh! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! Anjel manages Marty! What will happen???
And now, the exciting conclusion we have all been waiting for ...
“A Perfect Point of View” Part III
[Mr. Perfect has just telephoned Anjel, the font of all wisdom and miraculous advice]
2 rings
Marty: Hello [hooray! Marty has lines!]
Mr. P: Hello, this is Mr. Perfect I need to talk to Anjel.
Marty: Just a sec … [nice while it lasted. Seeya, MJ]
Anjel: Hello
Mr. P: Hi Anjel
Anjel: oh, its great ot hear your voice!
Mr. P: Yeah, you too.
Anjel: Hey, are you OK? You sound really sad. How’s Nightshade?
Mr. P. (voice cracking) She’s just fine.
Anjel: What’s wrong?
Mr. P: I told her, it just slipped out.
Anjel: Told her what?
Mr. P: (shouting) I LOVED HER
Anjel: Sorry.
Mr. P: No, I’m sorry, my short temper got the best of me again.
Anjel: What happened?
Mr. P: She laughed at me.
Anjel: (pause) I guess you’re a little shaken up.
Mr. P: Yeah, that’s an understatement.
Anjel: Take a deep breath (he does) let it out slowly (he does) Feel better?
Mr. P: Yeah, thanks.
Anjel: Ok. Do you know why she laughed?
Mr. P: no, I threw her out before I could explain.
Anjel: oh. Did she seem like she was trying to explain when she left?
Mr. P: I’m not sure (pause) yeah, I think so. I was too mad to let her.
Anjel: I think you should let her come to you.
Mr. P: What if she doesn’t?
Anjel: Give her 2 weeks, if she doesn’t by then, then you should forget about her.
Mr. P: Impossible.
Anjel: Think about it. Will you still loverher [?] in 2 weeks knowing that she could care less that she hurt you?
Mr. P: Probably not. You are always right, Anjel.
Anjel: Aw. Anytime to help a friend. You still sound sad.
Mr. P: (pause) I know.
Anjel: If it helps Mr. P., I love you. [hurl!]
Mr. P: Thanks, Anjel, it does help, and I love you too.
[ugg, this drags on and on .. in an effort to cheer him up, Anjel reminds Mr. P. of that hilarious perfume incident. They laugh like ninnies and he falls over himself to shower her with compliments and then they both hang up. And yes, I actually wrote “CLICK!”]
It turns out that I didn’t have to wait 2 weeks for an apology.
Getting through the Quadfecta meeting was hard. Since my seat was next to N.S.’s. [you have assigned seats?]
“Now Mr. Perfect if anything goes wrong, you have your brass knuckles, right?” asked Slick Ric
“Right, Champ.” I said my voice must have sounded a little miserable because Bobby elbowed me.
“You O.K.?” he whispered
“Female Trouble, I’ll get over it” I whispered back
“And Nightshade, you have your perfume?” asked Ric
“Yes, sir.” she answered
“What scent?” I had to ask
“Palm Springs” she replied, quite surprised I had spoken to her.
“Why” she asked
“I’m allergic to 1 – Tropical Mist” I said with no emotion [ooh, you’ll regret telling her that, Mr. P. Something tells me she comes from the Shawn Michaels school of nefaroiusness]
“Okay, Everybody ready? Let’s go” said Ric Everyone filed out.
NEXT DAY
I was sitting in my room when a knock came on my door. “Who is it?” I asked
“Nightshade.”
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” I told her.
“Please let me in, I … I want to apologize.” she said.
“Allright, come in.”
She walked in wearing a beautiful smile which I did not return.
“Come on now, cheer up!” she said brightly.
“If you came here to do that you can leave.” I told her coldly. Her face became very serious. “Mr. Perfect, I care for you deeply, I don’t’ like to see you this way.” she said.
“You made me this way” I said.
“Oh, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to make you so sad. It was a mistake, I don’t know why I laughed at you … I’m sorry, not only for that, bur for not loving you. I wish I could, but I can’t, I care about you, and you are a wonderful person, but I’m a jezebel, and I can’t devote myself to you. God, I wish I could.” She said and a tear spilled down her cheek [actually, that sounds a lot like the way I broke up with several boyfriends. Also, I can’t believe I knew the word “jezebel” in 6th grade]
“Aw, come on now, don’t cry. I forgive you.” I told her and gave her my handkerchief [who uses handkerchiefs?]
“Thank you.” She said. She kissed me on my cheek. “I wish I could.” She said before she left.”
[then Mr. P. writes another blasted letter to Anjel. This one is GOLD]
Dear Anjel,
You were right! (as usual) Nightshade apologized to me, although she still doesn’t love me. She said that she was a jezebbel and could never limit herself to 1 man. I just want to thank you again for the phone conversation we had, I think that I would probably would still be depressed 1 year from now if it weren’t for you. And I meant it when I said I love you. I really did. Love means Hates nothing about. And I could never hate anything about you, Anjel. Thank you. [here I wrote and later crossed out “How is Marty?” … poor Marty … ] I miss you. Love, Mr. Perfect.
-------
NEXT DAY
I decided to swing by Nightshade’s to make sure everything was O.K. between us. I knocked on her door but there was no answer.
“Nightshade!” I called, no answer.
I used my spare set of keys to open her door. I saw her lying down, head on the pillow, at first I thought she was unconcious or worse, but then I heard sobbing so I knew she was O.K. – physically that is. [about time we had some egregious crying]
“Nightshade, what’s wrong? Please look at me.” She kept crying. She was getting me worried. “Please I care about you.”
This made her cry harder.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? Just look at me!” I was getting nowhere.
“Wait.”
“At least now you’re speaking to me.”
“Let’s try again.” I said and sat on her bed.
She lifted her head from the soggy pillow and dabbed her eyes with my handkerchief. Even with her red and puffy eyes and tear-streaked face she was beautiful. I pushed away the black hair sticking to her face. Her lower lip quivered.
“Take a deep breath.” She did. “Let it out slowly.” She did. “Feel Better?” she nodded. (ah, the magic of Anjel!) [HURL!]
“I’ve never loved anybody before. My reputation has seen to that. Date ‘em and forget about them. So when you said that you loved me, well, I thought that you were joking. And It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I loved you too. And now, the only man I’ve ever loved, doesn’t love me any more” she began to cry again.
“Hey, hey, hey. Who said I don’t love you anymore?” I asked her. She looked at me.
“After the way I hurt you?” she asked.
“I forgave you.” I pointed out.
“I know, but …… I couldn’t forgive myself.”
“Please forgive yourself. I love you, Nightshade.”
“I love you, too Mr. P.”
I kissed her – on the lips, mind you.
Notes:
1) Shout out to Marty! Welcome back, man!
2) With all this communication going on, I can’t believe no one sent a telegram in this story.
3) Hey, y’all: Love means Hates nothing about. I actually told my fiancé that last night. Then I kissed him on the lips. He’s a lucky guy.
COMING UP NEXT: “Bitter Words” – in which Ric Flair has a match against Marty Jannetty. Uh Oh! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! Anjel manages Marty! What will happen???
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Goodbye - Middle Names, Continued
(just joining us? hello! please check out the introduction)
Well, that was quite a cliffhanger yesterday, wasn't it? I mean, Brutus hadn't seen Marty in at least 5 hours. Where could he have gone? And what will Anjel do without his compelling presence? All your questions will be answered today in ...
GOODBYE - MIDDLE NAMES, CONTINUED
It has been 2 weeks since Anjel has read that note. In a split second decision she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t live without Marty. So she is trekking the universe, searching for him. The friends of the now seperated inseperable duo are greatly saddened by this development. Anjel sends regular post cards. So far she has covered ½ of Georgia without any luck. But then one day, -- 2 months later
Anjel stopped into a café for some coffee. As she found a seat, she saw a familiar back of a head [surely he didn’t have the only mullet in Georgia.]
“It can’t be!” she said to herself
But it was. Marty was sitting in a booth.
2 seats away from Anjel.
“Marty!” she screamed across the café [I thought he was only 2 seats away?]
Marty looked up and saw Anjel! They ran to each other. Anjel began to cry
“I thought I’d never see you again” said Anjel through her tears.
“Hey don’t cry Dr. Theodosia?”
Anjel looked up.
“Doctor?”
And with that they knew something was screwy.
It took them 2 hours, but they finally figured it out. They walked out beneath the peach trees and dendrohn bushes, hand in hand.
“My gosh it’s beautiful in Georgia.”
“Yeah, I love it here.”
“I know why.”
“Know what else I love?”
“What” asked Angel.
“I love you”
“I love you, too.”
They kissed each other. [I had the word “deeply” crossed out here. Too risqué.]
“Anjel, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
[And here’s the telegram I had Anjel send home. Yes, a telegram.]
Dear Brutus + Mr. P + Sherry
I found him! STOP
GETTING MARRIED STOP
LOVE ANJEL
[then I wrote a guest list for the wedding. I’ll spare you, because it’s basically just a list of my favorite wrestlers, although I did color code them to indicate whether they were friends of the bride or friends of the groom]
[here’s the invitation. It is remarkably devoid of swirlies]
A WEDDING
Time – 12:00 PM
Day – May 1st, 92
AT – St. John’s Cathedral
For Marty Jannetty + Charlotte (Anjel) Theodosia
Note: this wedding is a goodbye to the couple, they are moving to Georgia
~~~After the wedding~~~
Brutus came up to Anjel – Mrs. Charlotte Theodosia Jannetty.
“Congrats Anjel” he said and hugged her. Anjel noticed some moisture in Brutuses’ eyes. [FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DO YOU EVER STOP CRYING?]
“Do you always cry at weddings?” she asked with a few tears of her own forming.
“Naw, it’s just … Aw to heck with it I don’t want to see you two go!” the tears spilled over his cheeks. Anjel hugged him warmly.
“I don’t want to see you go either, Brutus, but we’ll write letters, O.K.?” [yes, but how can you be sure they won’t be forged??]
“Yeah, O.K.” Brutus sniffled and smiled he went over to Marty.
“You’re beautiful.” said Mr. Perfect smiling at Anjel. “Marty is very lucky.” [what, no tears?]
“Thank you, Mr. Perfect.”
“I … I … I’m really going to miss you.” said Mr. P. fighting the tears back and trying to force the lump in his throat down. He didn’t succeed, they streamed down his face. [about time. sheesh] She hugged him.
“Hey, don’t cry over me,” she said.
“Too late” he managed to smile
“Oops, looks like I’m crying over you, I am going to miss you too.” said a teary-eyed Anjel.
-------------------
There were more tear filled goodbyes until, it was time to go
-------------------
“Goodbye everyone, we’ll write! We’ll miss you all!” said Mr. + Mrs. Jannetty
-------------------
They both moved to Georgia and had a wonderful life together. They always wrote to Mr. P, Brutus, and Sherri and visited and called often.
So, you ask is this the end? There are so many unanswered questions.
THE END
Notes
1) I know I expressed disbelief about this when I typed it, but it’s worth mentioning again. A telegram? Seriously? Why does no one use a phone?
2) Anjel treks across Georgia in search of Marty? WTF is she doing, knocking on random folks’ doors? I assume Marty went to stay with his family … why didn’t she check there first?
3) So after I finished this story, I realized that I had written myself into a hole. They got married, they’re happy … uhh … now what? I thought that tag about unanswered questions would help, but then I realized that there really weren’t any. I tried continuing by just writing about Mr. Perfect (that story is coming up next), but that just didn’t cut it for me. I missed my Mary Sue.
After trying out a couple of different things (a few more torn-out pages are evidence of this), I had a brilliant idea. All I had to do was add these words to the end of the story: “This is the WWF’s explanation of why Marty and Anjel left the federation. But wouldn’t you love to hear THE REAL STORY?”
Ta-da! See … wrestling is fake. I knew that. I wrote like it wasn’t, but I exploited the fact that it was when I needed to.
Coming up next: “A Perfect Point of View” – I wrote this before I came up with the aforementioned brilliant way to rewrite history. I tried writing a story without Anjel in it. I failed. Mr. Perfect can’t help but contact her. Oh well. At least we meet some new characters. And, as a bonus, no allergies and no crying! Super bonus: kissing!
Well, that was quite a cliffhanger yesterday, wasn't it? I mean, Brutus hadn't seen Marty in at least 5 hours. Where could he have gone? And what will Anjel do without his compelling presence? All your questions will be answered today in ...
GOODBYE - MIDDLE NAMES, CONTINUED
It has been 2 weeks since Anjel has read that note. In a split second decision she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t live without Marty. So she is trekking the universe, searching for him. The friends of the now seperated inseperable duo are greatly saddened by this development. Anjel sends regular post cards. So far she has covered ½ of Georgia without any luck. But then one day, -- 2 months later
Anjel stopped into a café for some coffee. As she found a seat, she saw a familiar back of a head [surely he didn’t have the only mullet in Georgia.]
“It can’t be!” she said to herself
But it was. Marty was sitting in a booth.
2 seats away from Anjel.
“Marty!” she screamed across the café [I thought he was only 2 seats away?]
Marty looked up and saw Anjel! They ran to each other. Anjel began to cry
“I thought I’d never see you again” said Anjel through her tears.
“Hey don’t cry Dr. Theodosia?”
Anjel looked up.
“Doctor?”
And with that they knew something was screwy.
It took them 2 hours, but they finally figured it out. They walked out beneath the peach trees and dendrohn bushes, hand in hand.
“My gosh it’s beautiful in Georgia.”
“Yeah, I love it here.”
“I know why.”
“Know what else I love?”
“What” asked Angel.
“I love you”
“I love you, too.”
They kissed each other. [I had the word “deeply” crossed out here. Too risqué.]
“Anjel, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
[And here’s the telegram I had Anjel send home. Yes, a telegram.]
Dear Brutus + Mr. P + Sherry
I found him! STOP
GETTING MARRIED STOP
LOVE ANJEL
[then I wrote a guest list for the wedding. I’ll spare you, because it’s basically just a list of my favorite wrestlers, although I did color code them to indicate whether they were friends of the bride or friends of the groom]
[here’s the invitation. It is remarkably devoid of swirlies]
A WEDDING
Time – 12:00 PM
Day – May 1st, 92
AT – St. John’s Cathedral
For Marty Jannetty + Charlotte (Anjel) Theodosia
Note: this wedding is a goodbye to the couple, they are moving to Georgia
~~~After the wedding~~~
Brutus came up to Anjel – Mrs. Charlotte Theodosia Jannetty.
“Congrats Anjel” he said and hugged her. Anjel noticed some moisture in Brutuses’ eyes. [FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DO YOU EVER STOP CRYING?]
“Do you always cry at weddings?” she asked with a few tears of her own forming.
“Naw, it’s just … Aw to heck with it I don’t want to see you two go!” the tears spilled over his cheeks. Anjel hugged him warmly.
“I don’t want to see you go either, Brutus, but we’ll write letters, O.K.?” [yes, but how can you be sure they won’t be forged??]
“Yeah, O.K.” Brutus sniffled and smiled he went over to Marty.
“You’re beautiful.” said Mr. Perfect smiling at Anjel. “Marty is very lucky.” [what, no tears?]
“Thank you, Mr. Perfect.”
“I … I … I’m really going to miss you.” said Mr. P. fighting the tears back and trying to force the lump in his throat down. He didn’t succeed, they streamed down his face. [about time. sheesh] She hugged him.
“Hey, don’t cry over me,” she said.
“Too late” he managed to smile
“Oops, looks like I’m crying over you, I am going to miss you too.” said a teary-eyed Anjel.
-------------------
There were more tear filled goodbyes until, it was time to go
-------------------
“Goodbye everyone, we’ll write! We’ll miss you all!” said Mr. + Mrs. Jannetty
-------------------
They both moved to Georgia and had a wonderful life together. They always wrote to Mr. P, Brutus, and Sherri and visited and called often.
So, you ask is this the end? There are so many unanswered questions.
THE END
Notes
1) I know I expressed disbelief about this when I typed it, but it’s worth mentioning again. A telegram? Seriously? Why does no one use a phone?
2) Anjel treks across Georgia in search of Marty? WTF is she doing, knocking on random folks’ doors? I assume Marty went to stay with his family … why didn’t she check there first?
3) So after I finished this story, I realized that I had written myself into a hole. They got married, they’re happy … uhh … now what? I thought that tag about unanswered questions would help, but then I realized that there really weren’t any. I tried continuing by just writing about Mr. Perfect (that story is coming up next), but that just didn’t cut it for me. I missed my Mary Sue.
After trying out a couple of different things (a few more torn-out pages are evidence of this), I had a brilliant idea. All I had to do was add these words to the end of the story: “This is the WWF’s explanation of why Marty and Anjel left the federation. But wouldn’t you love to hear THE REAL STORY?”
Ta-da! See … wrestling is fake. I knew that. I wrote like it wasn’t, but I exploited the fact that it was when I needed to.
Coming up next: “A Perfect Point of View” – I wrote this before I came up with the aforementioned brilliant way to rewrite history. I tried writing a story without Anjel in it. I failed. Mr. Perfect can’t help but contact her. Oh well. At least we meet some new characters. And, as a bonus, no allergies and no crying! Super bonus: kissing!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Chapter 12 - "Goodbye, < Middle Names II"
(new here? hi! please check out the introduction)
This one is my favorite. I can’t believe I wrote this.
Chapter 12 - “Goodbye.< Middle Names II”
8:05 am
Ms. Elizabeth could not believe the fans were more in favor of Anjel than her! Something drastic had to be done. She sat down and thought up a fiendishly clever and sinister plot. By the end of the day she would spring it into action.
4:55 PM
“Marty! Where are you!? The match will start in 5 minutes!” said Anjel frantically. (Little did our heroine know that this was all part of Elizabeth’s Master Plan.)
--- back in Elizabeth’s dressing room ---
--- Elizabeth had pulled Marty into the room as he walked past it.
“Marty, Anjel wanted me to tell you something.”
“Woah, now, Elizabeth. I’m not stupid. I know that you and Anjel do not get along. Whatever she wants to tell me she’ll do it herself.” he turned to leave, but Elizabeth grabbed him. “Allright, isn’t this Anjels handwriting?” she asked handing him a perfectly forged note.
Dear Marty,
I don’t know how to put this, but I must go back to Idaho. I will be living with a relative in Boise. I have to leave immeadiatly. Please don’t be sad. I have been given a job offering to be a doctor. There is no way you could com with me. You see, the relatives I have agreed to live with have a strict rule about strangers in the house. I tried to explain to them, but I couldn’t persuede them. Try to forget about me. Put me out of your mind.
I’ve already said goodbye to Brutus, Sherri, Mr. P., and the rest of the bunch. Goodbye 2 U. I love you. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. All of My Love – Charlotte Theodosia (Anjel)
P.S. Throw out this letter as soon as you read it. Prolonged sadness may lead to depression. All the Best, <3 Anjel
“It is her handwriting. I don’t believe it.” said Marty and tears filled his eyes. Elizabeth knew that Marty could not see through her phony disguise. “Oh Marty, I know how you feel. When Randy left me I went home. That’s why I’ve packed your bags for you, booked you a flight to Georgia. I’ve also sent a note to your friends saying goodbye. Here, now I’ll tear up your note.” Which she did. Marty was too heartbroken to say or do anything. There was a beep from outside. “Now there’s your cab.” She handed him the fare.
“He knows where to take you. Have a good flight.” she said and led him to the cab.
Just like that. He was gone. Time for phase 2 of the plan to be put into action. Elizabeth slipped a note beneath Anjel’s door and ran away silently. Anjel saw the note and read it. It as in Marty’s handwriting.
Dear Anjel,
I Regret To Say That I Must Go Back To Georgia. My Poor Grandfather Is Sick.
I Love You. – Marty Jannetty
“I don’t buy it.” Said Anjel looking over the note.
“First of all, 1 of Marty’s grandfathers live in Alabama and the other one lives in Maine. And if Marty really wrote that he’d put more into it. But it is his handwriting. I don’t get it.
Anjel walked around the whole building. No trace of him.
She asked all of Marty’s friends from Brutus to Al the janitor [?? Maybe he was in a lost story?]
“Sorry Anj, he never said anything to me, and I haven’t seen him in at least 5 hours.” said Brutus.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Elizabeth seems somewhat disproportionately angry about Anjel’s offhand remark, no? But I must admit, her plan is AIR TIGHT. She even hands Marty the correct cab fare.
2) I don’t know about you, but I’d be a bit suspicious of any place that would offer Anjel a job as a doctor, seeing as how she’s not a doctor.
3) Does no one own a phone? I know this was way before the advent of cell phones … but still …people did communicate in the early 90’s via means that did not involve notes. Who share major pieces of vital information via notes?? Oh, yeah, middle-schoolers.
This one is my favorite. I can’t believe I wrote this.
Chapter 12 - “Goodbye.< Middle Names II”
8:05 am
Ms. Elizabeth could not believe the fans were more in favor of Anjel than her! Something drastic had to be done. She sat down and thought up a fiendishly clever and sinister plot. By the end of the day she would spring it into action.
4:55 PM
“Marty! Where are you!? The match will start in 5 minutes!” said Anjel frantically. (Little did our heroine know that this was all part of Elizabeth’s Master Plan.)
--- back in Elizabeth’s dressing room ---
--- Elizabeth had pulled Marty into the room as he walked past it.
“Marty, Anjel wanted me to tell you something.”
“Woah, now, Elizabeth. I’m not stupid. I know that you and Anjel do not get along. Whatever she wants to tell me she’ll do it herself.” he turned to leave, but Elizabeth grabbed him. “Allright, isn’t this Anjels handwriting?” she asked handing him a perfectly forged note.
Dear Marty,
I don’t know how to put this, but I must go back to Idaho. I will be living with a relative in Boise. I have to leave immeadiatly. Please don’t be sad. I have been given a job offering to be a doctor. There is no way you could com with me. You see, the relatives I have agreed to live with have a strict rule about strangers in the house. I tried to explain to them, but I couldn’t persuede them. Try to forget about me. Put me out of your mind.
I’ve already said goodbye to Brutus, Sherri, Mr. P., and the rest of the bunch. Goodbye 2 U. I love you. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. All of My Love – Charlotte Theodosia (Anjel)
P.S. Throw out this letter as soon as you read it. Prolonged sadness may lead to depression. All the Best, <3 Anjel
“It is her handwriting. I don’t believe it.” said Marty and tears filled his eyes. Elizabeth knew that Marty could not see through her phony disguise. “Oh Marty, I know how you feel. When Randy left me I went home. That’s why I’ve packed your bags for you, booked you a flight to Georgia. I’ve also sent a note to your friends saying goodbye. Here, now I’ll tear up your note.” Which she did. Marty was too heartbroken to say or do anything. There was a beep from outside. “Now there’s your cab.” She handed him the fare.
“He knows where to take you. Have a good flight.” she said and led him to the cab.
Just like that. He was gone. Time for phase 2 of the plan to be put into action. Elizabeth slipped a note beneath Anjel’s door and ran away silently. Anjel saw the note and read it. It as in Marty’s handwriting.
Dear Anjel,
I Regret To Say That I Must Go Back To Georgia. My Poor Grandfather Is Sick.
I Love You. – Marty Jannetty
“I don’t buy it.” Said Anjel looking over the note.
“First of all, 1 of Marty’s grandfathers live in Alabama and the other one lives in Maine. And if Marty really wrote that he’d put more into it. But it is his handwriting. I don’t get it.
Anjel walked around the whole building. No trace of him.
She asked all of Marty’s friends from Brutus to Al the janitor [?? Maybe he was in a lost story?]
“Sorry Anj, he never said anything to me, and I haven’t seen him in at least 5 hours.” said Brutus.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Elizabeth seems somewhat disproportionately angry about Anjel’s offhand remark, no? But I must admit, her plan is AIR TIGHT. She even hands Marty the correct cab fare.
2) I don’t know about you, but I’d be a bit suspicious of any place that would offer Anjel a job as a doctor, seeing as how she’s not a doctor.
3) Does no one own a phone? I know this was way before the advent of cell phones … but still …people did communicate in the early 90’s via means that did not involve notes. Who share major pieces of vital information via notes?? Oh, yeah, middle-schoolers.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
the missing links
Here is what, to the best of my recollection, was in the pages missing from this epic story:
“Middle Names” – The passion with which I loved Marty Jannetty was only rivaled by the passion with which I hated Miss Elizabeth. For those of you not in the know, Miss Elizabeth was The Macho Man’s valet (and wife … I was totally at their “wedding” during Summerslam 91). I couldn’t stand this woman. Something about her just irked me. So I wrote her into the story as Anjel’s first arch nemesis. My memory is a bit fuzzy on some of the details, but the first line of the story was: “More than anything, Anjel hated her middle name.”
Anyhoo, there’s a match set up between Marty and the Macho Man. At some point, Macho looks like he’s in trouble, so Elizabeth rips off the bottom of her dress to distract the referee (that’s what she did in “real life” at Summerslam 88). Marty loses the match because of this. Then Mean Gene interviews both Anjel and Miss Elizabeth. I distinctly remember juxtaposing scenes of Anjel and Elizabeth selecting outfits in preparation for their interviews. Liz puts on a low-cut top and a short skirt, while Anjel puts on a long red t-shirt, cinched at the waist with a black belt and a pair of black spandex. Hawt. Liz fawns and simpers through the interview and Anjel is the epitome of cool. She also says ripping off your skirt to distract the referee was a cheap thing to do, which sends ripples of controversy throughout the WWF. I actually even wrote a mock letters to the editor section of WWF magazine with fans across the country writing in on who they thought was right: Anjel or Elizabeth. Elizabeth does have some supporters (I believe I intentionally made them sound stupid in their letters) but most fans side with Anjel. Elizabeth will not stand for this! Look out, Anjel … this is gonna come back to bite you on your spandex-covered ass!
I don’t remember anything else actually happening … the only thing I know for sure is that the last lines were: “Charlotte ELIZABETH Theodosia put the magazine down and sighed. Now you know why she hated her middle name?” I asked all the tough questions.
I think there are only two things you need to take away from this story: 1) Marty really isn’t in it. I was slowly discovering that he was pretty boring on the whole. 2) Anjel is a total prude. (coincidentally, so was I)
“The Cetaminifin story” - Shawn is sick and Sherri doesn’t know what to do. So she calls Anjel, who is, of course, a nurse, and therefore the only person she could possibly think of to call. Sherri says she’s going to give Shawn Cetaminifin. What is that? I don’t know. I suppose it sounded a lot like acetaminophen, which I was fairly certain was some sort of medicine. Anyhoo, Anjel quickly saves the day by letting her know that Shawn is allergic to Cetaminifin. He had confessed that horrible secret to Marty during their days of being BFF. Unlike Shawn, who uses Marty’s debilitating daisy allergy for evil in Chapter 1, Marty uses this knowledge for good.
Also, in this chapter, Marty is sick too … and thus once again has almost zero involvement in the story.
My absolute favorite part is the only one I remember with any degree of clarity. When Anjel gets the distress call from Sherri, she is sitting at a table working. I couldn’t just leave it at that. What is she working on? A math problem. I actually wrote “Anjel was working on a math problem.” One of her neighbors asked her to figure out how much money they should pay their son’s tutor, because they needed to pay twice as much as they did for his violin lessons, but more than half as much as they did for his soccer lessons. Sounds amazingly like something right out of a fifth-grade math textbook, no?
I know there was more … because the next chapter I have is Chapter 9, but I’m drawing a blank right now. If I ever recall anything, you’ll be the first to know!
Coming next: Chapter 9, "Reunited" ... it's a doozy.
“Middle Names” – The passion with which I loved Marty Jannetty was only rivaled by the passion with which I hated Miss Elizabeth. For those of you not in the know, Miss Elizabeth was The Macho Man’s valet (and wife … I was totally at their “wedding” during Summerslam 91). I couldn’t stand this woman. Something about her just irked me. So I wrote her into the story as Anjel’s first arch nemesis. My memory is a bit fuzzy on some of the details, but the first line of the story was: “More than anything, Anjel hated her middle name.”
Anyhoo, there’s a match set up between Marty and the Macho Man. At some point, Macho looks like he’s in trouble, so Elizabeth rips off the bottom of her dress to distract the referee (that’s what she did in “real life” at Summerslam 88). Marty loses the match because of this. Then Mean Gene interviews both Anjel and Miss Elizabeth. I distinctly remember juxtaposing scenes of Anjel and Elizabeth selecting outfits in preparation for their interviews. Liz puts on a low-cut top and a short skirt, while Anjel puts on a long red t-shirt, cinched at the waist with a black belt and a pair of black spandex. Hawt. Liz fawns and simpers through the interview and Anjel is the epitome of cool. She also says ripping off your skirt to distract the referee was a cheap thing to do, which sends ripples of controversy throughout the WWF. I actually even wrote a mock letters to the editor section of WWF magazine with fans across the country writing in on who they thought was right: Anjel or Elizabeth. Elizabeth does have some supporters (I believe I intentionally made them sound stupid in their letters) but most fans side with Anjel. Elizabeth will not stand for this! Look out, Anjel … this is gonna come back to bite you on your spandex-covered ass!
I don’t remember anything else actually happening … the only thing I know for sure is that the last lines were: “Charlotte ELIZABETH Theodosia put the magazine down and sighed. Now you know why she hated her middle name?” I asked all the tough questions.
I think there are only two things you need to take away from this story: 1) Marty really isn’t in it. I was slowly discovering that he was pretty boring on the whole. 2) Anjel is a total prude. (coincidentally, so was I)
“The Cetaminifin story” - Shawn is sick and Sherri doesn’t know what to do. So she calls Anjel, who is, of course, a nurse, and therefore the only person she could possibly think of to call. Sherri says she’s going to give Shawn Cetaminifin. What is that? I don’t know. I suppose it sounded a lot like acetaminophen, which I was fairly certain was some sort of medicine. Anyhoo, Anjel quickly saves the day by letting her know that Shawn is allergic to Cetaminifin. He had confessed that horrible secret to Marty during their days of being BFF. Unlike Shawn, who uses Marty’s debilitating daisy allergy for evil in Chapter 1, Marty uses this knowledge for good.
Also, in this chapter, Marty is sick too … and thus once again has almost zero involvement in the story.
My absolute favorite part is the only one I remember with any degree of clarity. When Anjel gets the distress call from Sherri, she is sitting at a table working. I couldn’t just leave it at that. What is she working on? A math problem. I actually wrote “Anjel was working on a math problem.” One of her neighbors asked her to figure out how much money they should pay their son’s tutor, because they needed to pay twice as much as they did for his violin lessons, but more than half as much as they did for his soccer lessons. Sounds amazingly like something right out of a fifth-grade math textbook, no?
I know there was more … because the next chapter I have is Chapter 9, but I’m drawing a blank right now. If I ever recall anything, you’ll be the first to know!
Coming next: Chapter 9, "Reunited" ... it's a doozy.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Chapter 2 - Resumes (part 1)
NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Chapter 1: Points of View
NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)