Just in case it’s not painfully obvious, I was pretty sick of Marty. Here is his swan song. It’s a particularly inelegant sendoff. But not quite as inelegant as Bru’s.
Chapter 14: A Turn of Events
Marty had not come home last night. Anjel sat in her room in a hotel in Maine, worrying when he finally came home at 7:00 AM he fell fast asleep on his couch. She walked through his open door she nearly tripped over a briefcase she picked it up and it fell open a piece of U.S.A. Wrestle World. [woah run on sentence] It was a very respectable magazine. She opened it and read it while walking back to her room. It was about Marty Jannetty who had just arrived in the USWF! He had a scantily clad manager named Magnificent Marie. There was a picture of Marty and Marie in a liplock. Marie had long flowing black hair that fell to her waist [sound familiar?]. Anjel also read that Marty, when asked about former manager and perhaps even lover, he said “Anjel? Sure we had something—for maybe 5 seconds. Just another pretty face. Dumb Blonde. Now Marie …”
DUMB BLONDE!! She began to cry, which she hardly ever did. [?!?!] She loved him and she was just another pretty face. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. Her phone rang. Mr. Perfect heard the phone. He knocked on her door and opened it when there was no answer. He saw her crying.
“Anjel, honey, what’s wrong?” she handed him the clipping, minus the photo, and he hugged her tightly after reading it. Brutus heard the commotion and came in.
“Oh my gosh, what happened?” Anjel handed him the magazine clipping. He touched her on her shoulder and said “Don’t worry I’ll go talk to him.” He went into Marty’s dressing room and woke him from his sleep.
“Whaaaaa? Brutus? Go away! I’m sleeping.” He said in a murmur.
Brutus flicked the lights on and shoved the article in his face. “What the heck do you think you were doing?” he said [woah awkward verb tenses]
“Oh, this? Well it’s all true. I don’t need her. I’m officially leaving on Tuesday.” He said rubbing his eyes.
“You scum! She saved your life! How could you just toss her aside?”
“It’s a free country!” [touché] he said, now awake. “Now, Please, get out.”
Brutus shook his head in disgust. He left the room and went into Anjel’s room.
“Look Anjel, I know that this is not the best time to tell you this, but I’m moving back to San Francisco.” Said Brutus. “I’ll write. I promise you. My plane leaves in ½ an hour. I’ll miss you so much.” He said and kissed her goodbye. He left before he could cry in front of Mr. Perfect [hallelujah]
“The nerve of that guy! You think he’d tell you in advance! How could he drop a bombshell on you with that kind of impact. Especially now.” said Mr. Perfect
Anjel sobbed “My whole life is falling apart.”
Mr. Perfect squoze her tightly. “Don’t worry, Anjel. Everything will turn out OK. Every thing is going to be OK” he soothed. “Look, I know how you feel. When Nightshade left me, I thought things could not get any worse, but now with Bobby and Ric Hating my guts, I guess they did. [now there are some words of encouragement]. But, Anjel, I want you to remember one thing no matter how bad things get for either of us (pause) I’ll always love you.” [somebody cue Whitney Houston]
She locked eyes with him and replied, in a quavering voice “I’ll always love you, too. Forever.” She swallowed and said “Thank you so much. You don’t know how much better you made me feel by saying that.” They just kind of sat like that for a while, with Mr. Perfect’s arms around Anjel’s shoulders. He did not want to leave her until he was sure she would be OK. Finally after along time spent talking softly to one another about things like their childhood, their parents, ad their homes, anything to keep Anjel’s mind off of Current times Anjel fell asleep on Mr. Perfect’s shoulder. Being tired himself, he gently laid her down on the couch and spread a blanket over her, trying hard not to awake her [or the readers. Zzzz]
Anjel awoke around 11:00 AM next morning. Painful memories of the night before came back. She showered and changed her clothes.
The next two weeks were hard. Anjel had never felt so alone in her life. Mr. Perfect was there for her, but ever since his split with Flair, he’d been obsessed with revenge. Anjel needed a job—badly. [what, no offers to be a doctor?] She had gone to countless job interviews, filled out infinate resumes until one day, she found a job. She was over-qualified for it and knew that it was something that she would enjoy doing. It was time to begin a new life. With her new career as a first aid Nurse for WCW.
THE END???
This is not the end. It is merely the beginning of a new life for Anjel, with new relationships, new enemies, and most importantly, new friends. Continued in BOOK 2 – Angelica’s New Life
NOTES:
1) Why is Marty carrying around magazine clippings in a briefcase? Wait, why does Marty even have a briefcase? He’s a professional wrestler, not an investment banker.
2) Man. Brutus has some timing in announcing his trip back to SF. I wonder if he’s trying to get me to write Reunited Part III.
3) So by this point in my career as a wrestling fan, I was starting to like WCW more than WWF. No, this has nothing to do with the Monday Night Wars or the Outsiders or any of the stuff that made WCW popular in the Nitro era. This was 1993. The Hollywood Blondes, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, 2 Cold Scorpio … why did I get so obsessed? No clue. But I did. And I decided that I needed to shake things up. So off to WCW goes our sparkling Mary Sue! But what horrible allergies and fonts of tears await her there? You’ll find out in … Chapter 1: Introductions. [Yes, I restarted the chapters. Hey, it's a free country!]
Showing posts with label Anjel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anjel. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Bitter Words, Part II
Bitter Words, Part II
So I basically have two main tropes so far: allergies and crying. I have no idea why. At any rate, I present to you a thrilling sequel that features both!
Bitter Words, Part II:
3 days later
As Mr. Perfect sat in his room opening his mail he started to sneeze. He could hardly stop to take a breath. Fourtunately he sneezed very loudly and Anjel could hear him 2 doors down. She entered his room through his open door.
“My Gosh, I’ve never heard anyone sneeze so much! Are you OK?” she asked
He couldn’t say much. He just kept sneezing. She noticed a trace of perfume in the air and recognized it as her favorite, Tropical Mist. Wait a minute! It was coming from a note on the table. She picked it up and ran into the hall with it. She heard him stop sneezing and tore open the letter. A thought crossed her mind. She was reading someone else’s mail!
She dismissed the thought and read the letter.
“God Bless You” – Hatefully Yours, Nightshade [I drew a crescent moon next to her signature]
She entered Mr. P’s room.
“Are you allright?” she asked. He nodded and she washed her hands.
“It was from Nightshade, wasn’t it?” he asked. She sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. P.” said Anjel sympathetically.
He drew in a deep breath and sighed. There was an akward moment of silence. Anjel studied his face for his feeling, but he didn’t show them.
“How’s Marty?” he asked her. “He’s out of the hospital, but he has been acting very, very strange even before the match. He’s never home, he never tells me where he’s going, and comes back exausted and sometimes angry. More than once I’ve noticed some bruises or cuts. When I ask him about it he goes nuts on me!” she told Mr. Perfect [gee, did I drop enough anvils there?] “I just don’t get it anymore” she said
Mr. P. sneezed again. He looked sadder than ever. Poor thing. He’ll never be able to sneeze without thinking of Nightshade. She touched his shoulder. “You can talk to me if you want. It’s probably better for you not to bottle up your feelings. It’s been almost a month. I know how I get when I can’t talk to someone.” she said.
“Well, I’m not you!” he snapped. “I’m sorry Anjel, you know my temper.”
“It’s allright.” she said.
“No, it’s not, I can’t let Nightshade do this to me. After all we meant to each other, she ended our relationship. But it was my fault, too. (He sighs) I never should have said some of those things. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I’d never signed that match. (pause) But wishing won’t get us together. Nothing will. We are through. I loved her, Anjel.” He brushed away his tears, but more came. He stood, ending the touch of Anjel’s comforting arm around his shoulder.
“Are you going to be O.K.?” she asked.
“Yes, Thank you, Anjel.” he said and kissed her cheek.
NOTES
1) Anjel’s head injury must’ve been nearly fatal considering all the hospitalization. My dad had a wicked concussion once from trying to ice skate down our driveway … he spent like 6 hours at the hospital.
2) Don’t worry. You didn’t see the last of that evil vixen, Nightshade. She’s not going to forget about our poor little Mary Sue.
COMING UP NEXT: Chapter 14: A Turn of Events, in which all those Marty anvils hit the floor in a completely ridiculous fashion.
So I basically have two main tropes so far: allergies and crying. I have no idea why. At any rate, I present to you a thrilling sequel that features both!
Bitter Words, Part II:
3 days later
As Mr. Perfect sat in his room opening his mail he started to sneeze. He could hardly stop to take a breath. Fourtunately he sneezed very loudly and Anjel could hear him 2 doors down. She entered his room through his open door.
“My Gosh, I’ve never heard anyone sneeze so much! Are you OK?” she asked
He couldn’t say much. He just kept sneezing. She noticed a trace of perfume in the air and recognized it as her favorite, Tropical Mist. Wait a minute! It was coming from a note on the table. She picked it up and ran into the hall with it. She heard him stop sneezing and tore open the letter. A thought crossed her mind. She was reading someone else’s mail!
She dismissed the thought and read the letter.
“God Bless You” – Hatefully Yours, Nightshade [I drew a crescent moon next to her signature]
She entered Mr. P’s room.
“Are you allright?” she asked. He nodded and she washed her hands.
“It was from Nightshade, wasn’t it?” he asked. She sat down next to him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. P.” said Anjel sympathetically.
He drew in a deep breath and sighed. There was an akward moment of silence. Anjel studied his face for his feeling, but he didn’t show them.
“How’s Marty?” he asked her. “He’s out of the hospital, but he has been acting very, very strange even before the match. He’s never home, he never tells me where he’s going, and comes back exausted and sometimes angry. More than once I’ve noticed some bruises or cuts. When I ask him about it he goes nuts on me!” she told Mr. Perfect [gee, did I drop enough anvils there?] “I just don’t get it anymore” she said
Mr. P. sneezed again. He looked sadder than ever. Poor thing. He’ll never be able to sneeze without thinking of Nightshade. She touched his shoulder. “You can talk to me if you want. It’s probably better for you not to bottle up your feelings. It’s been almost a month. I know how I get when I can’t talk to someone.” she said.
“Well, I’m not you!” he snapped. “I’m sorry Anjel, you know my temper.”
“It’s allright.” she said.
“No, it’s not, I can’t let Nightshade do this to me. After all we meant to each other, she ended our relationship. But it was my fault, too. (He sighs) I never should have said some of those things. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I’d never signed that match. (pause) But wishing won’t get us together. Nothing will. We are through. I loved her, Anjel.” He brushed away his tears, but more came. He stood, ending the touch of Anjel’s comforting arm around his shoulder.
“Are you going to be O.K.?” she asked.
“Yes, Thank you, Anjel.” he said and kissed her cheek.
NOTES
1) Anjel’s head injury must’ve been nearly fatal considering all the hospitalization. My dad had a wicked concussion once from trying to ice skate down our driveway … he spent like 6 hours at the hospital.
2) Don’t worry. You didn’t see the last of that evil vixen, Nightshade. She’s not going to forget about our poor little Mary Sue.
COMING UP NEXT: Chapter 14: A Turn of Events, in which all those Marty anvils hit the floor in a completely ridiculous fashion.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Chapter 14: "Bitter Words"
(new here? Howdy! Please read the introduction first!)
This is the first one to feature any actual in-ring action. Not very much in-ring action, but at least it doesn’t take place entirely within someone’s “dressing room.” Actually, this wasn’t that bad in terms of an actually plausible wrestling angle. In terms of a well-written piece of literature, of course, it fails miserably. Enjoy!
Chapter 14: Bitter Words [these chapter titles are seriously starting to sound like titles of Sweet Valley High books]
The phone rang in Anjel’s room.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Ms. Theodosia, this is President Jack Tunney.”
“Hello Mr. President. What can I do for you?”
“I need your OK on a match pitting Marty Jannetty against Ric Flair.”
“When is it to be held?”
“7:15 PM at the Chyenne Civic Center.”
“Yes sir. What date sir?” (what a ditz!) [actually, that was me covering for me there. I wrote this story in pen and decided it was easier to have him ask a follow-up question than self-edit. Sucks to be you, Tunney.]
“May 23”
“Yes sir. I believe we are free sir. Thank you, Mr. President.”
“Good, see you in Wisconsin. Goodbye”
CLICK!
What an idiot! Cheyanne is in Wyoming! Oh well [see above]
Anjel walked into the hall and was about to relay the news to Marty when a thought hit her. OH NO! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! What am I going to do?
She went and told her protégé. [Marty is her protégé?] the info about the match. Marty noticed something odd about her – he could sense it but he didn’t bring it up [probably because that would require him to have lines]. She left his room and went into her own. She dialed Mr. P’s phone number. Busy. It must be Jack Tunney. 20 minutes later Mr. Perfect knocked on her door.
“Come in.” she said.
He entered, his face looking grim. He heard the news.
“Hi.” Anjel said.
“Funny Jack Tunney?”
“Yeah.”
“Anjel, I’m paid to be an aid for Ric Flair. I’m paid to win matches.”
“Me too.” she admitted.
“It means that I might have to resort to cheating, or hurting Marty. I’ve got to do anything to win.” he said.
“I understand.”
“But I promise you, I won’t do anything to hurt you.”
“Me neither.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Temporary enemies.” They shook hands, smiled, and Anjel left.
7:15, Cheyanne W.Y.
With Nightshade leading the way and Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair following behind.
Anjel gave Marty a last minute pep-talk and left the ring.
The match raged on using foreign objects often Ric Flair was eventually disqualified for being seen with a steel chair. Marty was nearly unconscious and Anjel was close to tears. She stepped into the ring and helped him onto a stretcher. She was about to go with him when a strong hand grasped her wrist. “Ow!” she whirled to see Ric Flair holding her.
“Whoo!” He screamed in her face. He slapped her. She slapped him back quickly. He raised his hand to punch her but Mr. P. held him back. He spoke softly to him. Mr. Perfect finally convinced his boss to stop.
Meanwhile Night shade had snuck up to Anjel and slipped on Brass knucks. She reared up behind her and WHAM! Right on the back of the head!
-ANJEL- [shifting perspectives again! Just like the pilot episode!]
He was going to hit me – but Mr. P. stopped him. How wonderful of him! I Want to … OW!”
-GORILLA- [as in Monsoon. One of the best commentators ever!]
I don’t believe it! This whole thing was set up by that rat Mr. Perfect. He distratcted Anjel by stopping Ric Flair so Nightshade could hit her. How Horrible.
----------------
Mr. Perfect didn’t notice what happened until he saw Anjel out cold on the mat. Then he saw N.S. blowing off her brass knuckled hand. Ric Flair left and N.S. followed. Mr. P knelt over her limp body.
-GORILLA-
Now what? He’s going to punch her with lead-filled gloves?
-------------------------------
Mr. Perfect touched the bump on the back of her head very lightly. She was bleeding. He removed his jacket and held it beneath her head. He lifted her up tenderly and placed her on the stretcher.
--------------------
-GORILLA-
… I don’t understand!
-------------------------------
Anjel was wheeled to Cheyanne Medical center – the hospital where Marty was being treated. Mr. Perfect walked back to Ric Flair’s room with a mixture of feelings. Concern for Anjel’s health, and anger because Nightshade would do something like that.
N.S. had watched the whole ordeal of Mr. Perfect -the man she loved- actually HELP that little blonde bimbo – what’s her name—Anjel! What the hell is he doing?
--10 min later—
Mr. Perfect enters room … N.S. flew into a rage “How could you! You little traitor!! You fink! What do you think you were doing out there?”
“Me! Me! You were the one who hit her on the back of the head with brass knucks!”
“So?”
“So? So?” he repeated.
“You’re upset.”
“How can you tell?” He asked sarcastically.
“You’re repeating yourself.”
“Repeating myself! Repeating myself! No way!” [rotflolllllll!1!1!!]
“What are you so mad about? That’s my job.” She told him.
“You’re not paid to Pearl Harbor people!”
“Well you do it sometimes.”
“That’s only when Ric Flair is in trouble. Anjel posed no threat to his career.”
“Oh, now I’m totally confused. Which side are you on? Why are you sticking up for that bimbo?” [Nightshade is totally my favorite character so far, btw]
“I am not sticking up for her, and don’t call her a bimbo!”
“Ha Ha Ha! Now I see it. You two timer! How could you! You’ve got a relationship with that dumb blonde!”
“Her name is Anjel, and she is one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. Not that that would’ve made a difference.”
“Oh, and what does that mean?”
“It means that even if you knew we were friends you would’ve hit her anyway.”
“Maybe.” she said frostily “What’s so great about her, anyway. What’s she got that I don’t?” [dangerous question to ask about a Mary Sue, Shady.]
“She’s nice and kind and most of all she cares about my feelings. That’s more than I can ever say for you. The only person you can feel for is Night Shade. I don’t understand what I ever saw in you – Sunny Tyler.”
Noone spoke. They both looked at each other with anger in their eyes.
“I hate you, Curt Hennig.” she said and slammed the door behind her.
“Sheesh!” said The Mountie as N.S. flew by him, nearly ramming into him. He saw his friend on the bed. His face was in his hands.
“Hey, what’s the problem, buddy?”
“Long story.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Sorry, Jaques.” He shook his head.
“It’s ok I understand” he said and patting him on the back and closed the door behind him softly.
--------------------
Every day Mr. Perfect came in to visit Anjel in the hospital. She needed 29 stitches for her head. She had a concussions and some bruises, but she was recovering beautifully. [can Anjel do anything in any way besides beautifully?]
-----------
1 ½ weeks later
Anjel was finally able to get out of her hospital bed and walk around. She was moved into her dressing room. Her head still ached terribly, though. Mr. Perfect was still depressed, Nightshade’s words hurt him so deeply not even Anjel could help him. Anjel felt terrible about Mr. Perfect. His heart had been broken because he had helped her. She had spent so many hours trying to comfort him and make him feel better, but it just wasn’t helping.
Nightshade quit her job as the Executive Consultette to go back to being a sales representive. She remembered the way Mr. Perfect hurt her and planned her revenge (little did she know that the last 3 words she spoke to Mr. P. was the best revenge in the world). She quickly wrote something on a piece of paper and sprayed it with something. Mr. Perfect had made the mistake of telling her something long ago.
--------------------------------------
Notes:
1) I loved The Mountie. I think he might have been in a lost story somewhere, but I can’t remember. Personally, I’m glad I can’t remember … I’d rather not tarnish his character. Anyone remember when he sung his own theme song? “I’m the Mountie! I’m handsome, I’m brave, and I’m strong! I’m the Mountie! And I enforce the law! You can try to run, but you can never hide! The Mountieeeee always gets his man!” Good stuff!!
2) Aw, I miss Gorilla Monsoon. And Mr. Perfect. RIP, fellas.
COMING UP NEXT: Bitter Words, Part II, in which we see the devastating repercussions of crossing Nightshade. What’s that you say? You want more debilitating allergy stories? Coming right up!
----------------------------------------------
This is the first one to feature any actual in-ring action. Not very much in-ring action, but at least it doesn’t take place entirely within someone’s “dressing room.” Actually, this wasn’t that bad in terms of an actually plausible wrestling angle. In terms of a well-written piece of literature, of course, it fails miserably. Enjoy!
Chapter 14: Bitter Words [these chapter titles are seriously starting to sound like titles of Sweet Valley High books]
The phone rang in Anjel’s room.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Ms. Theodosia, this is President Jack Tunney.”
“Hello Mr. President. What can I do for you?”
“I need your OK on a match pitting Marty Jannetty against Ric Flair.”
“When is it to be held?”
“7:15 PM at the Chyenne Civic Center.”
“Yes sir. What date sir?” (what a ditz!) [actually, that was me covering for me there. I wrote this story in pen and decided it was easier to have him ask a follow-up question than self-edit. Sucks to be you, Tunney.]
“May 23”
“Yes sir. I believe we are free sir. Thank you, Mr. President.”
“Good, see you in Wisconsin. Goodbye”
CLICK!
What an idiot! Cheyanne is in Wyoming! Oh well [see above]
Anjel walked into the hall and was about to relay the news to Marty when a thought hit her. OH NO! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! What am I going to do?
She went and told her protégé. [Marty is her protégé?] the info about the match. Marty noticed something odd about her – he could sense it but he didn’t bring it up [probably because that would require him to have lines]. She left his room and went into her own. She dialed Mr. P’s phone number. Busy. It must be Jack Tunney. 20 minutes later Mr. Perfect knocked on her door.
“Come in.” she said.
He entered, his face looking grim. He heard the news.
“Hi.” Anjel said.
“Funny Jack Tunney?”
“Yeah.”
“Anjel, I’m paid to be an aid for Ric Flair. I’m paid to win matches.”
“Me too.” she admitted.
“It means that I might have to resort to cheating, or hurting Marty. I’ve got to do anything to win.” he said.
“I understand.”
“But I promise you, I won’t do anything to hurt you.”
“Me neither.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Temporary enemies.” They shook hands, smiled, and Anjel left.
7:15, Cheyanne W.Y.
With Nightshade leading the way and Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair following behind.
Anjel gave Marty a last minute pep-talk and left the ring.
The match raged on using foreign objects often Ric Flair was eventually disqualified for being seen with a steel chair. Marty was nearly unconscious and Anjel was close to tears. She stepped into the ring and helped him onto a stretcher. She was about to go with him when a strong hand grasped her wrist. “Ow!” she whirled to see Ric Flair holding her.
“Whoo!” He screamed in her face. He slapped her. She slapped him back quickly. He raised his hand to punch her but Mr. P. held him back. He spoke softly to him. Mr. Perfect finally convinced his boss to stop.
Meanwhile Night shade had snuck up to Anjel and slipped on Brass knucks. She reared up behind her and WHAM! Right on the back of the head!
-ANJEL- [shifting perspectives again! Just like the pilot episode!]
He was going to hit me – but Mr. P. stopped him. How wonderful of him! I Want to … OW!”
-GORILLA- [as in Monsoon. One of the best commentators ever!]
I don’t believe it! This whole thing was set up by that rat Mr. Perfect. He distratcted Anjel by stopping Ric Flair so Nightshade could hit her. How Horrible.
----------------
Mr. Perfect didn’t notice what happened until he saw Anjel out cold on the mat. Then he saw N.S. blowing off her brass knuckled hand. Ric Flair left and N.S. followed. Mr. P knelt over her limp body.
-GORILLA-
Now what? He’s going to punch her with lead-filled gloves?
-------------------------------
Mr. Perfect touched the bump on the back of her head very lightly. She was bleeding. He removed his jacket and held it beneath her head. He lifted her up tenderly and placed her on the stretcher.
--------------------
-GORILLA-
… I don’t understand!
-------------------------------
Anjel was wheeled to Cheyanne Medical center – the hospital where Marty was being treated. Mr. Perfect walked back to Ric Flair’s room with a mixture of feelings. Concern for Anjel’s health, and anger because Nightshade would do something like that.
N.S. had watched the whole ordeal of Mr. Perfect -the man she loved- actually HELP that little blonde bimbo – what’s her name—Anjel! What the hell is he doing?
--10 min later—
Mr. Perfect enters room … N.S. flew into a rage “How could you! You little traitor!! You fink! What do you think you were doing out there?”
“Me! Me! You were the one who hit her on the back of the head with brass knucks!”
“So?”
“So? So?” he repeated.
“You’re upset.”
“How can you tell?” He asked sarcastically.
“You’re repeating yourself.”
“Repeating myself! Repeating myself! No way!” [rotflolllllll!1!1!!]
“What are you so mad about? That’s my job.” She told him.
“You’re not paid to Pearl Harbor people!”
“Well you do it sometimes.”
“That’s only when Ric Flair is in trouble. Anjel posed no threat to his career.”
“Oh, now I’m totally confused. Which side are you on? Why are you sticking up for that bimbo?” [Nightshade is totally my favorite character so far, btw]
“I am not sticking up for her, and don’t call her a bimbo!”
“Ha Ha Ha! Now I see it. You two timer! How could you! You’ve got a relationship with that dumb blonde!”
“Her name is Anjel, and she is one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. Not that that would’ve made a difference.”
“Oh, and what does that mean?”
“It means that even if you knew we were friends you would’ve hit her anyway.”
“Maybe.” she said frostily “What’s so great about her, anyway. What’s she got that I don’t?” [dangerous question to ask about a Mary Sue, Shady.]
“She’s nice and kind and most of all she cares about my feelings. That’s more than I can ever say for you. The only person you can feel for is Night Shade. I don’t understand what I ever saw in you – Sunny Tyler.”
Noone spoke. They both looked at each other with anger in their eyes.
“I hate you, Curt Hennig.” she said and slammed the door behind her.
“Sheesh!” said The Mountie as N.S. flew by him, nearly ramming into him. He saw his friend on the bed. His face was in his hands.
“Hey, what’s the problem, buddy?”
“Long story.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Sorry, Jaques.” He shook his head.
“It’s ok I understand” he said and patting him on the back and closed the door behind him softly.
--------------------
Every day Mr. Perfect came in to visit Anjel in the hospital. She needed 29 stitches for her head. She had a concussions and some bruises, but she was recovering beautifully. [can Anjel do anything in any way besides beautifully?]
-----------
1 ½ weeks later
Anjel was finally able to get out of her hospital bed and walk around. She was moved into her dressing room. Her head still ached terribly, though. Mr. Perfect was still depressed, Nightshade’s words hurt him so deeply not even Anjel could help him. Anjel felt terrible about Mr. Perfect. His heart had been broken because he had helped her. She had spent so many hours trying to comfort him and make him feel better, but it just wasn’t helping.
Nightshade quit her job as the Executive Consultette to go back to being a sales representive. She remembered the way Mr. Perfect hurt her and planned her revenge (little did she know that the last 3 words she spoke to Mr. P. was the best revenge in the world). She quickly wrote something on a piece of paper and sprayed it with something. Mr. Perfect had made the mistake of telling her something long ago.
--------------------------------------
Notes:
1) I loved The Mountie. I think he might have been in a lost story somewhere, but I can’t remember. Personally, I’m glad I can’t remember … I’d rather not tarnish his character. Anyone remember when he sung his own theme song? “I’m the Mountie! I’m handsome, I’m brave, and I’m strong! I’m the Mountie! And I enforce the law! You can try to run, but you can never hide! The Mountieeeee always gets his man!” Good stuff!!
2) Aw, I miss Gorilla Monsoon. And Mr. Perfect. RIP, fellas.
COMING UP NEXT: Bitter Words, Part II, in which we see the devastating repercussions of crossing Nightshade. What’s that you say? You want more debilitating allergy stories? Coming right up!
----------------------------------------------
Monday, August 11, 2008
"A Perfect Part of View" Part III
(just tuning in? Hello! Please read the introduction first!)
And now, the exciting conclusion we have all been waiting for ...
“A Perfect Point of View” Part III
[Mr. Perfect has just telephoned Anjel, the font of all wisdom and miraculous advice]
2 rings
Marty: Hello [hooray! Marty has lines!]
Mr. P: Hello, this is Mr. Perfect I need to talk to Anjel.
Marty: Just a sec … [nice while it lasted. Seeya, MJ]
Anjel: Hello
Mr. P: Hi Anjel
Anjel: oh, its great ot hear your voice!
Mr. P: Yeah, you too.
Anjel: Hey, are you OK? You sound really sad. How’s Nightshade?
Mr. P. (voice cracking) She’s just fine.
Anjel: What’s wrong?
Mr. P: I told her, it just slipped out.
Anjel: Told her what?
Mr. P: (shouting) I LOVED HER
Anjel: Sorry.
Mr. P: No, I’m sorry, my short temper got the best of me again.
Anjel: What happened?
Mr. P: She laughed at me.
Anjel: (pause) I guess you’re a little shaken up.
Mr. P: Yeah, that’s an understatement.
Anjel: Take a deep breath (he does) let it out slowly (he does) Feel better?
Mr. P: Yeah, thanks.
Anjel: Ok. Do you know why she laughed?
Mr. P: no, I threw her out before I could explain.
Anjel: oh. Did she seem like she was trying to explain when she left?
Mr. P: I’m not sure (pause) yeah, I think so. I was too mad to let her.
Anjel: I think you should let her come to you.
Mr. P: What if she doesn’t?
Anjel: Give her 2 weeks, if she doesn’t by then, then you should forget about her.
Mr. P: Impossible.
Anjel: Think about it. Will you still loverher [?] in 2 weeks knowing that she could care less that she hurt you?
Mr. P: Probably not. You are always right, Anjel.
Anjel: Aw. Anytime to help a friend. You still sound sad.
Mr. P: (pause) I know.
Anjel: If it helps Mr. P., I love you. [hurl!]
Mr. P: Thanks, Anjel, it does help, and I love you too.
[ugg, this drags on and on .. in an effort to cheer him up, Anjel reminds Mr. P. of that hilarious perfume incident. They laugh like ninnies and he falls over himself to shower her with compliments and then they both hang up. And yes, I actually wrote “CLICK!”]
It turns out that I didn’t have to wait 2 weeks for an apology.
Getting through the Quadfecta meeting was hard. Since my seat was next to N.S.’s. [you have assigned seats?]
“Now Mr. Perfect if anything goes wrong, you have your brass knuckles, right?” asked Slick Ric
“Right, Champ.” I said my voice must have sounded a little miserable because Bobby elbowed me.
“You O.K.?” he whispered
“Female Trouble, I’ll get over it” I whispered back
“And Nightshade, you have your perfume?” asked Ric
“Yes, sir.” she answered
“What scent?” I had to ask
“Palm Springs” she replied, quite surprised I had spoken to her.
“Why” she asked
“I’m allergic to 1 – Tropical Mist” I said with no emotion [ooh, you’ll regret telling her that, Mr. P. Something tells me she comes from the Shawn Michaels school of nefaroiusness]
“Okay, Everybody ready? Let’s go” said Ric Everyone filed out.
NEXT DAY
I was sitting in my room when a knock came on my door. “Who is it?” I asked
“Nightshade.”
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” I told her.
“Please let me in, I … I want to apologize.” she said.
“Allright, come in.”
She walked in wearing a beautiful smile which I did not return.
“Come on now, cheer up!” she said brightly.
“If you came here to do that you can leave.” I told her coldly. Her face became very serious. “Mr. Perfect, I care for you deeply, I don’t’ like to see you this way.” she said.
“You made me this way” I said.
“Oh, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to make you so sad. It was a mistake, I don’t know why I laughed at you … I’m sorry, not only for that, bur for not loving you. I wish I could, but I can’t, I care about you, and you are a wonderful person, but I’m a jezebel, and I can’t devote myself to you. God, I wish I could.” She said and a tear spilled down her cheek [actually, that sounds a lot like the way I broke up with several boyfriends. Also, I can’t believe I knew the word “jezebel” in 6th grade]
“Aw, come on now, don’t cry. I forgive you.” I told her and gave her my handkerchief [who uses handkerchiefs?]
“Thank you.” She said. She kissed me on my cheek. “I wish I could.” She said before she left.”
[then Mr. P. writes another blasted letter to Anjel. This one is GOLD]
Dear Anjel,
You were right! (as usual) Nightshade apologized to me, although she still doesn’t love me. She said that she was a jezebbel and could never limit herself to 1 man. I just want to thank you again for the phone conversation we had, I think that I would probably would still be depressed 1 year from now if it weren’t for you. And I meant it when I said I love you. I really did. Love means Hates nothing about. And I could never hate anything about you, Anjel. Thank you. [here I wrote and later crossed out “How is Marty?” … poor Marty … ] I miss you. Love, Mr. Perfect.
-------
NEXT DAY
I decided to swing by Nightshade’s to make sure everything was O.K. between us. I knocked on her door but there was no answer.
“Nightshade!” I called, no answer.
I used my spare set of keys to open her door. I saw her lying down, head on the pillow, at first I thought she was unconcious or worse, but then I heard sobbing so I knew she was O.K. – physically that is. [about time we had some egregious crying]
“Nightshade, what’s wrong? Please look at me.” She kept crying. She was getting me worried. “Please I care about you.”
This made her cry harder.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? Just look at me!” I was getting nowhere.
“Wait.”
“At least now you’re speaking to me.”
“Let’s try again.” I said and sat on her bed.
She lifted her head from the soggy pillow and dabbed her eyes with my handkerchief. Even with her red and puffy eyes and tear-streaked face she was beautiful. I pushed away the black hair sticking to her face. Her lower lip quivered.
“Take a deep breath.” She did. “Let it out slowly.” She did. “Feel Better?” she nodded. (ah, the magic of Anjel!) [HURL!]
“I’ve never loved anybody before. My reputation has seen to that. Date ‘em and forget about them. So when you said that you loved me, well, I thought that you were joking. And It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I loved you too. And now, the only man I’ve ever loved, doesn’t love me any more” she began to cry again.
“Hey, hey, hey. Who said I don’t love you anymore?” I asked her. She looked at me.
“After the way I hurt you?” she asked.
“I forgave you.” I pointed out.
“I know, but …… I couldn’t forgive myself.”
“Please forgive yourself. I love you, Nightshade.”
“I love you, too Mr. P.”
I kissed her – on the lips, mind you.
Notes:
1) Shout out to Marty! Welcome back, man!
2) With all this communication going on, I can’t believe no one sent a telegram in this story.
3) Hey, y’all: Love means Hates nothing about. I actually told my fiancé that last night. Then I kissed him on the lips. He’s a lucky guy.
COMING UP NEXT: “Bitter Words” – in which Ric Flair has a match against Marty Jannetty. Uh Oh! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! Anjel manages Marty! What will happen???
And now, the exciting conclusion we have all been waiting for ...
“A Perfect Point of View” Part III
[Mr. Perfect has just telephoned Anjel, the font of all wisdom and miraculous advice]
2 rings
Marty: Hello [hooray! Marty has lines!]
Mr. P: Hello, this is Mr. Perfect I need to talk to Anjel.
Marty: Just a sec … [nice while it lasted. Seeya, MJ]
Anjel: Hello
Mr. P: Hi Anjel
Anjel: oh, its great ot hear your voice!
Mr. P: Yeah, you too.
Anjel: Hey, are you OK? You sound really sad. How’s Nightshade?
Mr. P. (voice cracking) She’s just fine.
Anjel: What’s wrong?
Mr. P: I told her, it just slipped out.
Anjel: Told her what?
Mr. P: (shouting) I LOVED HER
Anjel: Sorry.
Mr. P: No, I’m sorry, my short temper got the best of me again.
Anjel: What happened?
Mr. P: She laughed at me.
Anjel: (pause) I guess you’re a little shaken up.
Mr. P: Yeah, that’s an understatement.
Anjel: Take a deep breath (he does) let it out slowly (he does) Feel better?
Mr. P: Yeah, thanks.
Anjel: Ok. Do you know why she laughed?
Mr. P: no, I threw her out before I could explain.
Anjel: oh. Did she seem like she was trying to explain when she left?
Mr. P: I’m not sure (pause) yeah, I think so. I was too mad to let her.
Anjel: I think you should let her come to you.
Mr. P: What if she doesn’t?
Anjel: Give her 2 weeks, if she doesn’t by then, then you should forget about her.
Mr. P: Impossible.
Anjel: Think about it. Will you still loverher [?] in 2 weeks knowing that she could care less that she hurt you?
Mr. P: Probably not. You are always right, Anjel.
Anjel: Aw. Anytime to help a friend. You still sound sad.
Mr. P: (pause) I know.
Anjel: If it helps Mr. P., I love you. [hurl!]
Mr. P: Thanks, Anjel, it does help, and I love you too.
[ugg, this drags on and on .. in an effort to cheer him up, Anjel reminds Mr. P. of that hilarious perfume incident. They laugh like ninnies and he falls over himself to shower her with compliments and then they both hang up. And yes, I actually wrote “CLICK!”]
It turns out that I didn’t have to wait 2 weeks for an apology.
Getting through the Quadfecta meeting was hard. Since my seat was next to N.S.’s. [you have assigned seats?]
“Now Mr. Perfect if anything goes wrong, you have your brass knuckles, right?” asked Slick Ric
“Right, Champ.” I said my voice must have sounded a little miserable because Bobby elbowed me.
“You O.K.?” he whispered
“Female Trouble, I’ll get over it” I whispered back
“And Nightshade, you have your perfume?” asked Ric
“Yes, sir.” she answered
“What scent?” I had to ask
“Palm Springs” she replied, quite surprised I had spoken to her.
“Why” she asked
“I’m allergic to 1 – Tropical Mist” I said with no emotion [ooh, you’ll regret telling her that, Mr. P. Something tells me she comes from the Shawn Michaels school of nefaroiusness]
“Okay, Everybody ready? Let’s go” said Ric Everyone filed out.
NEXT DAY
I was sitting in my room when a knock came on my door. “Who is it?” I asked
“Nightshade.”
“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” I told her.
“Please let me in, I … I want to apologize.” she said.
“Allright, come in.”
She walked in wearing a beautiful smile which I did not return.
“Come on now, cheer up!” she said brightly.
“If you came here to do that you can leave.” I told her coldly. Her face became very serious. “Mr. Perfect, I care for you deeply, I don’t’ like to see you this way.” she said.
“You made me this way” I said.
“Oh, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to make you so sad. It was a mistake, I don’t know why I laughed at you … I’m sorry, not only for that, bur for not loving you. I wish I could, but I can’t, I care about you, and you are a wonderful person, but I’m a jezebel, and I can’t devote myself to you. God, I wish I could.” She said and a tear spilled down her cheek [actually, that sounds a lot like the way I broke up with several boyfriends. Also, I can’t believe I knew the word “jezebel” in 6th grade]
“Aw, come on now, don’t cry. I forgive you.” I told her and gave her my handkerchief [who uses handkerchiefs?]
“Thank you.” She said. She kissed me on my cheek. “I wish I could.” She said before she left.”
[then Mr. P. writes another blasted letter to Anjel. This one is GOLD]
Dear Anjel,
You were right! (as usual) Nightshade apologized to me, although she still doesn’t love me. She said that she was a jezebbel and could never limit herself to 1 man. I just want to thank you again for the phone conversation we had, I think that I would probably would still be depressed 1 year from now if it weren’t for you. And I meant it when I said I love you. I really did. Love means Hates nothing about. And I could never hate anything about you, Anjel. Thank you. [here I wrote and later crossed out “How is Marty?” … poor Marty … ] I miss you. Love, Mr. Perfect.
-------
NEXT DAY
I decided to swing by Nightshade’s to make sure everything was O.K. between us. I knocked on her door but there was no answer.
“Nightshade!” I called, no answer.
I used my spare set of keys to open her door. I saw her lying down, head on the pillow, at first I thought she was unconcious or worse, but then I heard sobbing so I knew she was O.K. – physically that is. [about time we had some egregious crying]
“Nightshade, what’s wrong? Please look at me.” She kept crying. She was getting me worried. “Please I care about you.”
This made her cry harder.
“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? Just look at me!” I was getting nowhere.
“Wait.”
“At least now you’re speaking to me.”
“Let’s try again.” I said and sat on her bed.
She lifted her head from the soggy pillow and dabbed her eyes with my handkerchief. Even with her red and puffy eyes and tear-streaked face she was beautiful. I pushed away the black hair sticking to her face. Her lower lip quivered.
“Take a deep breath.” She did. “Let it out slowly.” She did. “Feel Better?” she nodded. (ah, the magic of Anjel!) [HURL!]
“I’ve never loved anybody before. My reputation has seen to that. Date ‘em and forget about them. So when you said that you loved me, well, I thought that you were joking. And It wasn’t until this morning that I realized I loved you too. And now, the only man I’ve ever loved, doesn’t love me any more” she began to cry again.
“Hey, hey, hey. Who said I don’t love you anymore?” I asked her. She looked at me.
“After the way I hurt you?” she asked.
“I forgave you.” I pointed out.
“I know, but …… I couldn’t forgive myself.”
“Please forgive yourself. I love you, Nightshade.”
“I love you, too Mr. P.”
I kissed her – on the lips, mind you.
Notes:
1) Shout out to Marty! Welcome back, man!
2) With all this communication going on, I can’t believe no one sent a telegram in this story.
3) Hey, y’all: Love means Hates nothing about. I actually told my fiancé that last night. Then I kissed him on the lips. He’s a lucky guy.
COMING UP NEXT: “Bitter Words” – in which Ric Flair has a match against Marty Jannetty. Uh Oh! Mr. Perfect manages Ric Flair! Anjel manages Marty! What will happen???
Friday, August 8, 2008
A Perfect Point of View: Part II
(just tuning in? Hello! Please read the introduction first!)
I'm sure y'all are just on the edge of your seats wondering what's going to happen next. Never fear ... for now I bring to you: “A Perfect Point of View” part II ... and yes, Anjel finds her little blonde way into this .... good golly.
“A Perfect Point of View” part II:
**~~The Next Day~~**
The Flair Trifecta—I mean Quadfecta meeting was called early because Slick Ric was taping an interview for Superstars which I was not invited to. We had the afternoon off.
“Oh, Damn!” [gasp! A swear word! Look out, Mr. P!] said N.S.
“What?” I asked
“My old boss, Riely is supposed to call soon to discuss the finality of my resignation.”
“What were you?”
“Sales Rep. I’ve got 15 minutes.” she replied.
I walked her to her door when we got there she invited me in. There were 5 minutes to spare.
“Nice place” I said
“Thanks.”
The way she said that was amazing. It wasn’t like she was just saying it to be polite. She said it like—well, I can’t describe it. Oh great, now she’s got me analyzing thank yous. Am I in love or what? It wasn’t until I actually thought it that I realized it. I was I love with this woman. But did she fell even a little like himself about him? She did kiss me but I’ll bet she does that to hundreds of men. That’s part of her charm, she’s so ….. mysterious.
While I was in deep thought, she kissed me again. Even better than the last time because 1. it lasted longer 2. she had her arms around my neck and 3. this time we were kissing each other instead of just her kissing me. Man oh man do I love her.
<><><>
Oh god! He is an incredible kisser. The best I’ve ever had … no … the best was Tommy … no I mean George … or Roger. Well he’s one of the best. And he’s nice, and funny, and he seems to like me, plus he is good looking. All this and a terrific kisser. Wow! He’s perfect he even wears black. But do I need him. I’m not sure. You can’t tell much person in 2 days. Can you?
<><><>
The telephone rang.
“Oh Damn. It’s Riely!” she said.
I kissed her on the cheek and said good bye while she picked up the phone. I started to wash off the purple lipstick [classy!] smeared on my face. When I had finsied, I wrote a letter to Anjel.
Dear Anjel,
Hello! How is Marty? You know the WWF’s policy of if a wrestler leaves, a replacement must be found, well … you should see the new replacement! Her name is Nightshade, and, well I think I’m in love with her. Let me tell you about her. She’s got long black hair, green eyes and wears purple lipstick. She is very mysterious I don’t know much about her except that she’s from New York City and likes Bobby Darin. She’s impulsive and we’ve kissed each other 2 times* so far. She has to date at least 20 times a week. She’s nice when she wants to be, she kinds of reminds me of the way I’m supposed to be, only a little nicer. Anyway, even though we’ve kissed, I’m not sure of how she feels about me. Should I tell her I love her? I miss you very much. Things just aren’t the same without you.
* actually she kissed me first, then we both kissed.
Love, Mr. P
PS – have the peach trees blossomed yet?
PPS – Bobby says Hello! And the Mountie wants me to tell you that he misses you <3
Here’s the letter I got back
Dear Mr. P,
Hi! Boy it’s good to hear from you! I miss you so much! Marty is fine [what? No flu?] and yes! The Peach Trees have bloomed! Well the woman you love sounds very intriging! By what you tell me I would thing that she is not the kind of person who would want to make a commitment just yet [but … they’ve kissed]. Since she kissed you first, I think that she will tell you how she feels when she’s ready, But if you believe—truly believe—that she loves you back, go ahead and tell her! Let me know how things go! I’m only a letter or a phone call away! All the best. Love, Anjel
PS – say hi! To Bobby and tell the mountie I miss him too!
--
I can always get good advice from Anjel. I really do love her, not like I love Nightshade, I mean she’s absolutely beautiful, but still, I love her like a sister. She’s my best friend. I’m not absolutely sure N.S. loves me, in fact, I doubt it, so I’ll have to wait until she tells me.
Someone knocked on my door.
“Come in!” I said
It was Nightshade she stepped into my room.
“Oh, air conditioning!” said N.S. as she sampled the temperature in my room.
“Do you want me to turn it off or something? This heat in Florida can make me pass out.” I asked.
“No, leave it on, I like it.” she continued “I was wondering, what does Ric Flair want us to do?”
“Nothing until 6:00 tonight, he’s got a match and we need to plan it.” I informed her.
“Oh. 4 whole hours to kill.” she said and I swear I saw a twinkle in her beautiful green eyes. I don’t know why I said it, but right then and there I told her
“N.S., I love you”
And she laughed! That sound I thought was beautiful was now a creul sound. She laughed! How could she? [uhm, maybe because you just met her yesterday?]
<><><>
Ow! Why did I do that? The poor guy! He loved me and I laughed.
<><><>
“Get out now or I’ll pick you up and put you out and I mean it!” I said.
She left looking down. I sat and thought about it. I need to talk to Anjel [of course]. Since Florida and Georgia were close I called her. (don't want to spring for long distance???)
Notes
1) My sixth-grade math teacher was named Mr. Reilly. I apologize for involving him in this story and misspelling his name. Also, I still don’t know what a sales rep does.
2) I think one of my lost stories involves Mr. P. almost passing out in Anjel’s dressing room because she doesn’t have the air conditioning turned on. I’m sure it was exciting; too bad y’all are missing out.
COMING UP NEXT: “A Perfect Point of View”: part III, in which Nightshade apologizes to Mr. P. I smell egregious crying! It also contains one of the best lines I've ever written.
I'm sure y'all are just on the edge of your seats wondering what's going to happen next. Never fear ... for now I bring to you: “A Perfect Point of View” part II ... and yes, Anjel finds her little blonde way into this .... good golly.
“A Perfect Point of View” part II:
**~~The Next Day~~**
The Flair Trifecta—I mean Quadfecta meeting was called early because Slick Ric was taping an interview for Superstars which I was not invited to. We had the afternoon off.
“Oh, Damn!” [gasp! A swear word! Look out, Mr. P!] said N.S.
“What?” I asked
“My old boss, Riely is supposed to call soon to discuss the finality of my resignation.”
“What were you?”
“Sales Rep. I’ve got 15 minutes.” she replied.
I walked her to her door when we got there she invited me in. There were 5 minutes to spare.
“Nice place” I said
“Thanks.”
The way she said that was amazing. It wasn’t like she was just saying it to be polite. She said it like—well, I can’t describe it. Oh great, now she’s got me analyzing thank yous. Am I in love or what? It wasn’t until I actually thought it that I realized it. I was I love with this woman. But did she fell even a little like himself about him? She did kiss me but I’ll bet she does that to hundreds of men. That’s part of her charm, she’s so ….. mysterious.
While I was in deep thought, she kissed me again. Even better than the last time because 1. it lasted longer 2. she had her arms around my neck and 3. this time we were kissing each other instead of just her kissing me. Man oh man do I love her.
<><><>
Oh god! He is an incredible kisser. The best I’ve ever had … no … the best was Tommy … no I mean George … or Roger. Well he’s one of the best. And he’s nice, and funny, and he seems to like me, plus he is good looking. All this and a terrific kisser. Wow! He’s perfect he even wears black. But do I need him. I’m not sure. You can’t tell much person in 2 days. Can you?
<><><>
The telephone rang.
“Oh Damn. It’s Riely!” she said.
I kissed her on the cheek and said good bye while she picked up the phone. I started to wash off the purple lipstick [classy!] smeared on my face. When I had finsied, I wrote a letter to Anjel.
Dear Anjel,
Hello! How is Marty? You know the WWF’s policy of if a wrestler leaves, a replacement must be found, well … you should see the new replacement! Her name is Nightshade, and, well I think I’m in love with her. Let me tell you about her. She’s got long black hair, green eyes and wears purple lipstick. She is very mysterious I don’t know much about her except that she’s from New York City and likes Bobby Darin. She’s impulsive and we’ve kissed each other 2 times* so far. She has to date at least 20 times a week. She’s nice when she wants to be, she kinds of reminds me of the way I’m supposed to be, only a little nicer. Anyway, even though we’ve kissed, I’m not sure of how she feels about me. Should I tell her I love her? I miss you very much. Things just aren’t the same without you.
* actually she kissed me first, then we both kissed.
Love, Mr. P
PS – have the peach trees blossomed yet?
PPS – Bobby says Hello! And the Mountie wants me to tell you that he misses you <3
Here’s the letter I got back
Dear Mr. P,
Hi! Boy it’s good to hear from you! I miss you so much! Marty is fine [what? No flu?] and yes! The Peach Trees have bloomed! Well the woman you love sounds very intriging! By what you tell me I would thing that she is not the kind of person who would want to make a commitment just yet [but … they’ve kissed]. Since she kissed you first, I think that she will tell you how she feels when she’s ready, But if you believe—truly believe—that she loves you back, go ahead and tell her! Let me know how things go! I’m only a letter or a phone call away! All the best. Love, Anjel
PS – say hi! To Bobby and tell the mountie I miss him too!
--
I can always get good advice from Anjel. I really do love her, not like I love Nightshade, I mean she’s absolutely beautiful, but still, I love her like a sister. She’s my best friend. I’m not absolutely sure N.S. loves me, in fact, I doubt it, so I’ll have to wait until she tells me.
Someone knocked on my door.
“Come in!” I said
It was Nightshade she stepped into my room.
“Oh, air conditioning!” said N.S. as she sampled the temperature in my room.
“Do you want me to turn it off or something? This heat in Florida can make me pass out.” I asked.
“No, leave it on, I like it.” she continued “I was wondering, what does Ric Flair want us to do?”
“Nothing until 6:00 tonight, he’s got a match and we need to plan it.” I informed her.
“Oh. 4 whole hours to kill.” she said and I swear I saw a twinkle in her beautiful green eyes. I don’t know why I said it, but right then and there I told her
“N.S., I love you”
And she laughed! That sound I thought was beautiful was now a creul sound. She laughed! How could she? [uhm, maybe because you just met her yesterday?]
<><><>
Ow! Why did I do that? The poor guy! He loved me and I laughed.
<><><>
“Get out now or I’ll pick you up and put you out and I mean it!” I said.
She left looking down. I sat and thought about it. I need to talk to Anjel [of course]. Since Florida and Georgia were close I called her. (don't want to spring for long distance???)
Notes
1) My sixth-grade math teacher was named Mr. Reilly. I apologize for involving him in this story and misspelling his name. Also, I still don’t know what a sales rep does.
2) I think one of my lost stories involves Mr. P. almost passing out in Anjel’s dressing room because she doesn’t have the air conditioning turned on. I’m sure it was exciting; too bad y’all are missing out.
COMING UP NEXT: “A Perfect Point of View”: part III, in which Nightshade apologizes to Mr. P. I smell egregious crying! It also contains one of the best lines I've ever written.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Goodbye - Middle Names, Continued
(just joining us? hello! please check out the introduction)
Well, that was quite a cliffhanger yesterday, wasn't it? I mean, Brutus hadn't seen Marty in at least 5 hours. Where could he have gone? And what will Anjel do without his compelling presence? All your questions will be answered today in ...
GOODBYE - MIDDLE NAMES, CONTINUED
It has been 2 weeks since Anjel has read that note. In a split second decision she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t live without Marty. So she is trekking the universe, searching for him. The friends of the now seperated inseperable duo are greatly saddened by this development. Anjel sends regular post cards. So far she has covered ½ of Georgia without any luck. But then one day, -- 2 months later
Anjel stopped into a café for some coffee. As she found a seat, she saw a familiar back of a head [surely he didn’t have the only mullet in Georgia.]
“It can’t be!” she said to herself
But it was. Marty was sitting in a booth.
2 seats away from Anjel.
“Marty!” she screamed across the café [I thought he was only 2 seats away?]
Marty looked up and saw Anjel! They ran to each other. Anjel began to cry
“I thought I’d never see you again” said Anjel through her tears.
“Hey don’t cry Dr. Theodosia?”
Anjel looked up.
“Doctor?”
And with that they knew something was screwy.
It took them 2 hours, but they finally figured it out. They walked out beneath the peach trees and dendrohn bushes, hand in hand.
“My gosh it’s beautiful in Georgia.”
“Yeah, I love it here.”
“I know why.”
“Know what else I love?”
“What” asked Angel.
“I love you”
“I love you, too.”
They kissed each other. [I had the word “deeply” crossed out here. Too risqué.]
“Anjel, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
[And here’s the telegram I had Anjel send home. Yes, a telegram.]
Dear Brutus + Mr. P + Sherry
I found him! STOP
GETTING MARRIED STOP
LOVE ANJEL
[then I wrote a guest list for the wedding. I’ll spare you, because it’s basically just a list of my favorite wrestlers, although I did color code them to indicate whether they were friends of the bride or friends of the groom]
[here’s the invitation. It is remarkably devoid of swirlies]
A WEDDING
Time – 12:00 PM
Day – May 1st, 92
AT – St. John’s Cathedral
For Marty Jannetty + Charlotte (Anjel) Theodosia
Note: this wedding is a goodbye to the couple, they are moving to Georgia
~~~After the wedding~~~
Brutus came up to Anjel – Mrs. Charlotte Theodosia Jannetty.
“Congrats Anjel” he said and hugged her. Anjel noticed some moisture in Brutuses’ eyes. [FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DO YOU EVER STOP CRYING?]
“Do you always cry at weddings?” she asked with a few tears of her own forming.
“Naw, it’s just … Aw to heck with it I don’t want to see you two go!” the tears spilled over his cheeks. Anjel hugged him warmly.
“I don’t want to see you go either, Brutus, but we’ll write letters, O.K.?” [yes, but how can you be sure they won’t be forged??]
“Yeah, O.K.” Brutus sniffled and smiled he went over to Marty.
“You’re beautiful.” said Mr. Perfect smiling at Anjel. “Marty is very lucky.” [what, no tears?]
“Thank you, Mr. Perfect.”
“I … I … I’m really going to miss you.” said Mr. P. fighting the tears back and trying to force the lump in his throat down. He didn’t succeed, they streamed down his face. [about time. sheesh] She hugged him.
“Hey, don’t cry over me,” she said.
“Too late” he managed to smile
“Oops, looks like I’m crying over you, I am going to miss you too.” said a teary-eyed Anjel.
-------------------
There were more tear filled goodbyes until, it was time to go
-------------------
“Goodbye everyone, we’ll write! We’ll miss you all!” said Mr. + Mrs. Jannetty
-------------------
They both moved to Georgia and had a wonderful life together. They always wrote to Mr. P, Brutus, and Sherri and visited and called often.
So, you ask is this the end? There are so many unanswered questions.
THE END
Notes
1) I know I expressed disbelief about this when I typed it, but it’s worth mentioning again. A telegram? Seriously? Why does no one use a phone?
2) Anjel treks across Georgia in search of Marty? WTF is she doing, knocking on random folks’ doors? I assume Marty went to stay with his family … why didn’t she check there first?
3) So after I finished this story, I realized that I had written myself into a hole. They got married, they’re happy … uhh … now what? I thought that tag about unanswered questions would help, but then I realized that there really weren’t any. I tried continuing by just writing about Mr. Perfect (that story is coming up next), but that just didn’t cut it for me. I missed my Mary Sue.
After trying out a couple of different things (a few more torn-out pages are evidence of this), I had a brilliant idea. All I had to do was add these words to the end of the story: “This is the WWF’s explanation of why Marty and Anjel left the federation. But wouldn’t you love to hear THE REAL STORY?”
Ta-da! See … wrestling is fake. I knew that. I wrote like it wasn’t, but I exploited the fact that it was when I needed to.
Coming up next: “A Perfect Point of View” – I wrote this before I came up with the aforementioned brilliant way to rewrite history. I tried writing a story without Anjel in it. I failed. Mr. Perfect can’t help but contact her. Oh well. At least we meet some new characters. And, as a bonus, no allergies and no crying! Super bonus: kissing!
Well, that was quite a cliffhanger yesterday, wasn't it? I mean, Brutus hadn't seen Marty in at least 5 hours. Where could he have gone? And what will Anjel do without his compelling presence? All your questions will be answered today in ...
GOODBYE - MIDDLE NAMES, CONTINUED
It has been 2 weeks since Anjel has read that note. In a split second decision she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t live without Marty. So she is trekking the universe, searching for him. The friends of the now seperated inseperable duo are greatly saddened by this development. Anjel sends regular post cards. So far she has covered ½ of Georgia without any luck. But then one day, -- 2 months later
Anjel stopped into a café for some coffee. As she found a seat, she saw a familiar back of a head [surely he didn’t have the only mullet in Georgia.]
“It can’t be!” she said to herself
But it was. Marty was sitting in a booth.
2 seats away from Anjel.
“Marty!” she screamed across the café [I thought he was only 2 seats away?]
Marty looked up and saw Anjel! They ran to each other. Anjel began to cry
“I thought I’d never see you again” said Anjel through her tears.
“Hey don’t cry Dr. Theodosia?”
Anjel looked up.
“Doctor?”
And with that they knew something was screwy.
It took them 2 hours, but they finally figured it out. They walked out beneath the peach trees and dendrohn bushes, hand in hand.
“My gosh it’s beautiful in Georgia.”
“Yeah, I love it here.”
“I know why.”
“Know what else I love?”
“What” asked Angel.
“I love you”
“I love you, too.”
They kissed each other. [I had the word “deeply” crossed out here. Too risqué.]
“Anjel, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
[And here’s the telegram I had Anjel send home. Yes, a telegram.]
Dear Brutus + Mr. P + Sherry
I found him! STOP
GETTING MARRIED STOP
LOVE ANJEL
[then I wrote a guest list for the wedding. I’ll spare you, because it’s basically just a list of my favorite wrestlers, although I did color code them to indicate whether they were friends of the bride or friends of the groom]
[here’s the invitation. It is remarkably devoid of swirlies]
A WEDDING
Time – 12:00 PM
Day – May 1st, 92
AT – St. John’s Cathedral
For Marty Jannetty + Charlotte (Anjel) Theodosia
Note: this wedding is a goodbye to the couple, they are moving to Georgia
~~~After the wedding~~~
Brutus came up to Anjel – Mrs. Charlotte Theodosia Jannetty.
“Congrats Anjel” he said and hugged her. Anjel noticed some moisture in Brutuses’ eyes. [FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, DO YOU EVER STOP CRYING?]
“Do you always cry at weddings?” she asked with a few tears of her own forming.
“Naw, it’s just … Aw to heck with it I don’t want to see you two go!” the tears spilled over his cheeks. Anjel hugged him warmly.
“I don’t want to see you go either, Brutus, but we’ll write letters, O.K.?” [yes, but how can you be sure they won’t be forged??]
“Yeah, O.K.” Brutus sniffled and smiled he went over to Marty.
“You’re beautiful.” said Mr. Perfect smiling at Anjel. “Marty is very lucky.” [what, no tears?]
“Thank you, Mr. Perfect.”
“I … I … I’m really going to miss you.” said Mr. P. fighting the tears back and trying to force the lump in his throat down. He didn’t succeed, they streamed down his face. [about time. sheesh] She hugged him.
“Hey, don’t cry over me,” she said.
“Too late” he managed to smile
“Oops, looks like I’m crying over you, I am going to miss you too.” said a teary-eyed Anjel.
-------------------
There were more tear filled goodbyes until, it was time to go
-------------------
“Goodbye everyone, we’ll write! We’ll miss you all!” said Mr. + Mrs. Jannetty
-------------------
They both moved to Georgia and had a wonderful life together. They always wrote to Mr. P, Brutus, and Sherri and visited and called often.
So, you ask is this the end? There are so many unanswered questions.
THE END
Notes
1) I know I expressed disbelief about this when I typed it, but it’s worth mentioning again. A telegram? Seriously? Why does no one use a phone?
2) Anjel treks across Georgia in search of Marty? WTF is she doing, knocking on random folks’ doors? I assume Marty went to stay with his family … why didn’t she check there first?
3) So after I finished this story, I realized that I had written myself into a hole. They got married, they’re happy … uhh … now what? I thought that tag about unanswered questions would help, but then I realized that there really weren’t any. I tried continuing by just writing about Mr. Perfect (that story is coming up next), but that just didn’t cut it for me. I missed my Mary Sue.
After trying out a couple of different things (a few more torn-out pages are evidence of this), I had a brilliant idea. All I had to do was add these words to the end of the story: “This is the WWF’s explanation of why Marty and Anjel left the federation. But wouldn’t you love to hear THE REAL STORY?”
Ta-da! See … wrestling is fake. I knew that. I wrote like it wasn’t, but I exploited the fact that it was when I needed to.
Coming up next: “A Perfect Point of View” – I wrote this before I came up with the aforementioned brilliant way to rewrite history. I tried writing a story without Anjel in it. I failed. Mr. Perfect can’t help but contact her. Oh well. At least we meet some new characters. And, as a bonus, no allergies and no crying! Super bonus: kissing!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Chapter 12 - "Goodbye, < Middle Names II"
(new here? hi! please check out the introduction)
This one is my favorite. I can’t believe I wrote this.
Chapter 12 - “Goodbye.< Middle Names II”
8:05 am
Ms. Elizabeth could not believe the fans were more in favor of Anjel than her! Something drastic had to be done. She sat down and thought up a fiendishly clever and sinister plot. By the end of the day she would spring it into action.
4:55 PM
“Marty! Where are you!? The match will start in 5 minutes!” said Anjel frantically. (Little did our heroine know that this was all part of Elizabeth’s Master Plan.)
--- back in Elizabeth’s dressing room ---
--- Elizabeth had pulled Marty into the room as he walked past it.
“Marty, Anjel wanted me to tell you something.”
“Woah, now, Elizabeth. I’m not stupid. I know that you and Anjel do not get along. Whatever she wants to tell me she’ll do it herself.” he turned to leave, but Elizabeth grabbed him. “Allright, isn’t this Anjels handwriting?” she asked handing him a perfectly forged note.
Dear Marty,
I don’t know how to put this, but I must go back to Idaho. I will be living with a relative in Boise. I have to leave immeadiatly. Please don’t be sad. I have been given a job offering to be a doctor. There is no way you could com with me. You see, the relatives I have agreed to live with have a strict rule about strangers in the house. I tried to explain to them, but I couldn’t persuede them. Try to forget about me. Put me out of your mind.
I’ve already said goodbye to Brutus, Sherri, Mr. P., and the rest of the bunch. Goodbye 2 U. I love you. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. All of My Love – Charlotte Theodosia (Anjel)
P.S. Throw out this letter as soon as you read it. Prolonged sadness may lead to depression. All the Best, <3 Anjel
“It is her handwriting. I don’t believe it.” said Marty and tears filled his eyes. Elizabeth knew that Marty could not see through her phony disguise. “Oh Marty, I know how you feel. When Randy left me I went home. That’s why I’ve packed your bags for you, booked you a flight to Georgia. I’ve also sent a note to your friends saying goodbye. Here, now I’ll tear up your note.” Which she did. Marty was too heartbroken to say or do anything. There was a beep from outside. “Now there’s your cab.” She handed him the fare.
“He knows where to take you. Have a good flight.” she said and led him to the cab.
Just like that. He was gone. Time for phase 2 of the plan to be put into action. Elizabeth slipped a note beneath Anjel’s door and ran away silently. Anjel saw the note and read it. It as in Marty’s handwriting.
Dear Anjel,
I Regret To Say That I Must Go Back To Georgia. My Poor Grandfather Is Sick.
I Love You. – Marty Jannetty
“I don’t buy it.” Said Anjel looking over the note.
“First of all, 1 of Marty’s grandfathers live in Alabama and the other one lives in Maine. And if Marty really wrote that he’d put more into it. But it is his handwriting. I don’t get it.
Anjel walked around the whole building. No trace of him.
She asked all of Marty’s friends from Brutus to Al the janitor [?? Maybe he was in a lost story?]
“Sorry Anj, he never said anything to me, and I haven’t seen him in at least 5 hours.” said Brutus.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Elizabeth seems somewhat disproportionately angry about Anjel’s offhand remark, no? But I must admit, her plan is AIR TIGHT. She even hands Marty the correct cab fare.
2) I don’t know about you, but I’d be a bit suspicious of any place that would offer Anjel a job as a doctor, seeing as how she’s not a doctor.
3) Does no one own a phone? I know this was way before the advent of cell phones … but still …people did communicate in the early 90’s via means that did not involve notes. Who share major pieces of vital information via notes?? Oh, yeah, middle-schoolers.
This one is my favorite. I can’t believe I wrote this.
Chapter 12 - “Goodbye.< Middle Names II”
8:05 am
Ms. Elizabeth could not believe the fans were more in favor of Anjel than her! Something drastic had to be done. She sat down and thought up a fiendishly clever and sinister plot. By the end of the day she would spring it into action.
4:55 PM
“Marty! Where are you!? The match will start in 5 minutes!” said Anjel frantically. (Little did our heroine know that this was all part of Elizabeth’s Master Plan.)
--- back in Elizabeth’s dressing room ---
--- Elizabeth had pulled Marty into the room as he walked past it.
“Marty, Anjel wanted me to tell you something.”
“Woah, now, Elizabeth. I’m not stupid. I know that you and Anjel do not get along. Whatever she wants to tell me she’ll do it herself.” he turned to leave, but Elizabeth grabbed him. “Allright, isn’t this Anjels handwriting?” she asked handing him a perfectly forged note.
Dear Marty,
I don’t know how to put this, but I must go back to Idaho. I will be living with a relative in Boise. I have to leave immeadiatly. Please don’t be sad. I have been given a job offering to be a doctor. There is no way you could com with me. You see, the relatives I have agreed to live with have a strict rule about strangers in the house. I tried to explain to them, but I couldn’t persuede them. Try to forget about me. Put me out of your mind.
I’ve already said goodbye to Brutus, Sherri, Mr. P., and the rest of the bunch. Goodbye 2 U. I love you. By the time you read this I’ll be gone. All of My Love – Charlotte Theodosia (Anjel)
P.S. Throw out this letter as soon as you read it. Prolonged sadness may lead to depression. All the Best, <3 Anjel
“It is her handwriting. I don’t believe it.” said Marty and tears filled his eyes. Elizabeth knew that Marty could not see through her phony disguise. “Oh Marty, I know how you feel. When Randy left me I went home. That’s why I’ve packed your bags for you, booked you a flight to Georgia. I’ve also sent a note to your friends saying goodbye. Here, now I’ll tear up your note.” Which she did. Marty was too heartbroken to say or do anything. There was a beep from outside. “Now there’s your cab.” She handed him the fare.
“He knows where to take you. Have a good flight.” she said and led him to the cab.
Just like that. He was gone. Time for phase 2 of the plan to be put into action. Elizabeth slipped a note beneath Anjel’s door and ran away silently. Anjel saw the note and read it. It as in Marty’s handwriting.
Dear Anjel,
I Regret To Say That I Must Go Back To Georgia. My Poor Grandfather Is Sick.
I Love You. – Marty Jannetty
“I don’t buy it.” Said Anjel looking over the note.
“First of all, 1 of Marty’s grandfathers live in Alabama and the other one lives in Maine. And if Marty really wrote that he’d put more into it. But it is his handwriting. I don’t get it.
Anjel walked around the whole building. No trace of him.
She asked all of Marty’s friends from Brutus to Al the janitor [?? Maybe he was in a lost story?]
“Sorry Anj, he never said anything to me, and I haven’t seen him in at least 5 hours.” said Brutus.
TO BE CONTINUED ...
NOTES:
1) Elizabeth seems somewhat disproportionately angry about Anjel’s offhand remark, no? But I must admit, her plan is AIR TIGHT. She even hands Marty the correct cab fare.
2) I don’t know about you, but I’d be a bit suspicious of any place that would offer Anjel a job as a doctor, seeing as how she’s not a doctor.
3) Does no one own a phone? I know this was way before the advent of cell phones … but still …people did communicate in the early 90’s via means that did not involve notes. Who share major pieces of vital information via notes?? Oh, yeah, middle-schoolers.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Chapter 11: "Reunited: Part II"
(new here? hi! please check out the introduction)
I hadn't planned on making a sequel to "Reunited," but then I decided that it was very important. You're the winners here, folks. This is freaking awful. This is also where things get super dramatic! It’s so dramatic that I wrote “Who are True Friends?” in the top margin.
Chapter 11: Reunited PT. 2 [I stopped numbering chapters at this point, but I’ll keep it up here for aesthetic purposes]
Stagehand Steve Scharner was lifting some large and heavy boxes.
Marty’s flu was drifting him into sleep. His 102 degree fever had risen to 102.7. Anjel was mopping his forehead with a damp cloth. He mumbled something incoherently and fell asleep. Anjel kissed him on the forehead and went to the little table to finish some paperwork. [ooh … a language arts problem this time? Maybe the critical thinking questions at the end of a social studies chapter?]
Brutus was lifting lightweights in the gym below the dressing room area, 25 more pumps and to the showers. Then he could go up to Laurie.
Laurie Traynor was peering into the store room where musclebound Steve paused to mop his brow. She walked out into the hall way into the storeroom.
“Hi.” she said.
“Hi.” he said putting the box and looking at her slim figure and beautiful features.
Anjel wet the cloth again. Marty was tossing and turning. She cooled his face and felt his forehead.
Brutus headed for the showers.
Meanwhile Laurie was moving closer to Steve.
Anjel squoze Marty’s hand and went back to the table.
Laurie was passionatly kissing Steve. [dang. She moves fast]
Brutus was looking for Laurie.
He found her. Kissing Steve.
Laurie gasped.
“I … I … Brutus … I We …”
Steve left abruptly.
Anjel saw that Marty was sleeping soundly and walked into her dressing room.
“Brutus. We had something great, but it’s gone. We’re no more than friends. I’ve booked a flight to San Francisco. I’m leaving soon. I’ll always remember you as the man I wanted to marry, But now, you’re the man who I was a friend of. Good bye, Brutus.” she said. [that’s way less awkward than half the ways I broke up with people in real life]
She Pecked him on the cheek, and all of a sudden she was gone. Leaving Brutus open mouthed and heart broken. He needed a friend. Someone to talk to. Hulk was gone. Marty was sick. Anjel. He knocked on her door.
“Come in.” she said
“Brutus stepped in. Tears must have been streaming down his face, because Anjel rushed over to him and led him to the bed to sit down [a bed? In a dressing room?]. She asked him “What’s the matter?”
“Laurie left me” he said softly.
Anjel wrapped her arms around him and felt her shoulder dampen from Brutus’ tears.
Brutus was a little embarrassed because he was crying on a girls’ shoulder but Anjel did not seem to mind, and he was to upset to care. Plus he wasn’t sobbing, just silent tears. [hurl!]
They both sat like that for a long time. No one saying anything, just Brutus crying softly with Anjel holding him. The only words were an occasional “It’s O.K., It’s O.K.,” from Anjel while she hugged him and Moved her hand in an up and down pattern to calm him down” [just in case you weren’t sure of the mechanics of comforting a friend, I spelled it out for you in simple steps!]
[Alright, I’m cutting a page out here … it’s just more of him crying and her comforting him. She even hands him one of those blasted tissues she seems to produce at will. Trust me, you’re not missing anything. Brutus finally composes himself enough to speak]
“We seemed so happy together. Then I came upstairs from the gym and showers and there she was, kissing the stagehand. She said that all we could be was friends, that our love had died, and left me.”
Then he saw Anjel was crying.
“It’s my fault” she said “I set you two up. If I hadn’t have brought you and Laurie together this would nave never happened. You wouldn’t be upset. You’d be your normal happy self.”
“You’re wrong, Anjel. I wouldn’t be happy, I would be miserable. I would be wondering what my lost love Laurie. It’s her fault for being a jerk, not yours for being nice. You flew to San Francisco to be nice, to help a friend. And I thank you. You are a very wonderful friend, Anjel.” [whatever, Bru … you should have told her to stuff it]
They both stared into each other’s tear-streaked face and red and puffy eyes. “Thank you” they said at the same time. And poor asleep Marty missed it all.
NOTES:
1- In real life, Marty Jannetty had disappeared from the scene because he had to work out some personal problems. Out of sight, out of mind for me, as evidenced by his persistent flu and the awesome last line of this chapter.
2. This chapter was originally followed by one called “One good Turn.” I don’t remember what went on in that one, but I evidently hated it, because I ripped it out. (that’s evidence of self-editing. I know, I can barely believe it myself). All that’s left is the title and one line of scribbled-over text that says “Marty was miraculously 100% better.” Tough break, Marty. Looks like you had a chance in that chapter. Oh well.
Coming up next: “Goodbye. < Middle Names II” – in which Miss Elizabeth takes her revenge! You don't want to miss this one. It's ... just ... unabashedly bad.
I hadn't planned on making a sequel to "Reunited," but then I decided that it was very important. You're the winners here, folks. This is freaking awful. This is also where things get super dramatic! It’s so dramatic that I wrote “Who are True Friends?” in the top margin.
Chapter 11: Reunited PT. 2 [I stopped numbering chapters at this point, but I’ll keep it up here for aesthetic purposes]
Stagehand Steve Scharner was lifting some large and heavy boxes.
Marty’s flu was drifting him into sleep. His 102 degree fever had risen to 102.7. Anjel was mopping his forehead with a damp cloth. He mumbled something incoherently and fell asleep. Anjel kissed him on the forehead and went to the little table to finish some paperwork. [ooh … a language arts problem this time? Maybe the critical thinking questions at the end of a social studies chapter?]
Brutus was lifting lightweights in the gym below the dressing room area, 25 more pumps and to the showers. Then he could go up to Laurie.
Laurie Traynor was peering into the store room where musclebound Steve paused to mop his brow. She walked out into the hall way into the storeroom.
“Hi.” she said.
“Hi.” he said putting the box and looking at her slim figure and beautiful features.
Anjel wet the cloth again. Marty was tossing and turning. She cooled his face and felt his forehead.
Brutus headed for the showers.
Meanwhile Laurie was moving closer to Steve.
Anjel squoze Marty’s hand and went back to the table.
Laurie was passionatly kissing Steve. [dang. She moves fast]
Brutus was looking for Laurie.
He found her. Kissing Steve.
Laurie gasped.
“I … I … Brutus … I We …”
Steve left abruptly.
Anjel saw that Marty was sleeping soundly and walked into her dressing room.
“Brutus. We had something great, but it’s gone. We’re no more than friends. I’ve booked a flight to San Francisco. I’m leaving soon. I’ll always remember you as the man I wanted to marry, But now, you’re the man who I was a friend of. Good bye, Brutus.” she said. [that’s way less awkward than half the ways I broke up with people in real life]
She Pecked him on the cheek, and all of a sudden she was gone. Leaving Brutus open mouthed and heart broken. He needed a friend. Someone to talk to. Hulk was gone. Marty was sick. Anjel. He knocked on her door.
“Come in.” she said
“Brutus stepped in. Tears must have been streaming down his face, because Anjel rushed over to him and led him to the bed to sit down [a bed? In a dressing room?]. She asked him “What’s the matter?”
“Laurie left me” he said softly.
Anjel wrapped her arms around him and felt her shoulder dampen from Brutus’ tears.
Brutus was a little embarrassed because he was crying on a girls’ shoulder but Anjel did not seem to mind, and he was to upset to care. Plus he wasn’t sobbing, just silent tears. [hurl!]
They both sat like that for a long time. No one saying anything, just Brutus crying softly with Anjel holding him. The only words were an occasional “It’s O.K., It’s O.K.,” from Anjel while she hugged him and Moved her hand in an up and down pattern to calm him down” [just in case you weren’t sure of the mechanics of comforting a friend, I spelled it out for you in simple steps!]
[Alright, I’m cutting a page out here … it’s just more of him crying and her comforting him. She even hands him one of those blasted tissues she seems to produce at will. Trust me, you’re not missing anything. Brutus finally composes himself enough to speak]
“We seemed so happy together. Then I came upstairs from the gym and showers and there she was, kissing the stagehand. She said that all we could be was friends, that our love had died, and left me.”
Then he saw Anjel was crying.
“It’s my fault” she said “I set you two up. If I hadn’t have brought you and Laurie together this would nave never happened. You wouldn’t be upset. You’d be your normal happy self.”
“You’re wrong, Anjel. I wouldn’t be happy, I would be miserable. I would be wondering what my lost love Laurie. It’s her fault for being a jerk, not yours for being nice. You flew to San Francisco to be nice, to help a friend. And I thank you. You are a very wonderful friend, Anjel.” [whatever, Bru … you should have told her to stuff it]
They both stared into each other’s tear-streaked face and red and puffy eyes. “Thank you” they said at the same time. And poor asleep Marty missed it all.
NOTES:
1- In real life, Marty Jannetty had disappeared from the scene because he had to work out some personal problems. Out of sight, out of mind for me, as evidenced by his persistent flu and the awesome last line of this chapter.
2. This chapter was originally followed by one called “One good Turn.” I don’t remember what went on in that one, but I evidently hated it, because I ripped it out. (that’s evidence of self-editing. I know, I can barely believe it myself). All that’s left is the title and one line of scribbled-over text that says “Marty was miraculously 100% better.” Tough break, Marty. Looks like you had a chance in that chapter. Oh well.
Coming up next: “Goodbye. < Middle Names II” – in which Miss Elizabeth takes her revenge! You don't want to miss this one. It's ... just ... unabashedly bad.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Chapter 10: Two Faces
(just joining us? Hi! Please read the introduction first!)
Chapter 10: “Two Faces”
As I “matured” as a wrestling fan, I started exclusively liking the bad guys (known in wrestling lingo as “heels” – good guys are “faces”). Mr. Perfect soon became my favorite guy. He had stopped wrestling full time and was instead working as Ric Flair’s manager and a color commentator on Prime Time Wrestling, which was the ancestor of Monday Night Raw. (I wrote a poem about it … you’ll get that one of these days). At the time I was writing, Prime Time Wrestling was basically a recap of the week’s matches with a roundtable discussion by Vince McMahon, Hillbilly Jim, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Mr. Perfect, and Bobby Heenan (best commentator ever). Anyhoo, I knew I had to get Mr. Perfect into the story, but wasn’t sure how to do it … there was no ostensible reason he and Anjel would ever be friends … Marty was a face and he was a heel … they should be natural enemies! So I decided that Mr. Perfect was probably a good guy on the inside, and Anjel would of course bring that out in him.
Enjoy!
“Two Faces”
1 Hr. before ***~~~PRIME TIME WRESTLING~~~***
“We need a replacement for Bobby Heenan” said Vince McMahon. In only an hour!”
“How about Mean Gene?”
“No good. Filming an interview.”
“Sean Mooney?” “Lord Alfred?”
“Day off.”
(Mr. Perfect enters.)
“Where’s Bobby?” he asked, searching for his best friend.
“Sick.”
Mr. Perfect looked concerned. [see the glimmer of good in him? SEE IT?]
“We need a replacement!” repeated Vince. Someone with color, pizzazz!”
“Hey. How about Anjel?” said Hillbilly Jim.
“Great idea! I’ll call her.” said Vince. Mr. Perfect rolled his aqua eyes.
“It’s all set!”
10 minutes later, Anjel arrived.
9:22
Mr. Perfect was making crack after crack at Marty.
“He used him like a doormat!” [OH SNAP!]
Anjel couldn’t take it anymore. She stood up and dumped a pitcher of water on Mr. P’s head. Then she ran to the front of the building and sat on the steps, holding back tears.
Mr. Perfect felt horrible about what he did. He had to apologize. He went outside and sat down next to Anjel he touched her shoulder.
“Anjel. I … I’m really sorry.” he said in as oft, kind voice. One Anjel had never heard him use. She locked eyes with him.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I … I just …. I need to let off steam about not having Bobby around and I take it out on you. I don’t know why, but I am very sorry. Please accept my apology.” he said in the same soft voice.
“You’re forgiven. And I’m really sorry I dumped the water on your head. I don’t mind when you poke at me but Marty can’t defend himself if he’s not here!” said Anjel.
Mr. Perfect smiled.
“I deserved the water on my head. It served me ri … ri … ri…” he turned his head and sneezed twice in a row.
“Bless you” said Anjel.
“Thank you” said Mr. Perfect.
“I hope the water didn’t give you a cold. It is freezing out here. I’d feel terrible knowing it was my fault.” said Anjel.
“Let’s go inside. It is cold.” said Mr. Perfect
They entered Prime Time Wrestling during a commercial.
“2 minutes til we’re on” said a stagehand.
Mr. Perfect sneezed again.
“Bless you” said Anjel, handing him a tissue. [does she carry them up her sleeve like various grandmas I know?]
“Thank you” said Mr. Perfect and accepted the tissue.
“You know, you’re a real sweet girl.” said Mr. P.
“A tissue and I am forgiven of all sins!” said Anjel. “At first I thought you were a creep, but you’re a pretty O.K. guy once I got to know you.” she said, smiling. [Yes, they did have a pretty deep, soul-searching conversation out there on the steps.]
11:17 – After the Show
Everyone had gone home except Anjel, who was waiting for Marty to come pick her up and Mr. P., who was talking with her.
“That was really funny when Hacksaw Jim’s 2X4 slid out of his hand and fell behind him.” said Anjel.
“Yeah and when Hillbilly Jim dropped his horseshoe on his foot.” said Mr. P.
[the next 2 pages have smudged a lot. Curse you, devotion to only writing in pencil! At any rate, I’m pretty sure Mr. Perfect sneezes some more, but only when Anjel gets close to him. Mr. P. deduces that he is allergic to her perfume, “Tropical Mist.” She washes it off and everything is fine. Ready for the ending? I am.]
“Good thing you stopped sneezing, I’m out of tissues!” she said.
And they’ve been friends ever since!
Notes:
1) No, seriously, WTF was that? I think I based that on an episode of Gilligan’s Island where everyone sneezed when they came too close to Gilligan because he started wearing some homemade cologne. I evidently found that to be a plot device so compelling/funny/whatever that it had to be revisited in my own oeuvre.
2) I love that Mr. Perfect and Anjel’s intense bonding session mainly consists of her giving him tissues, followed by them having a brief, awkward giggle-fest at the expense of their hapless co-hosts.
3) Remember the name “Tropical Mist” … you haven’t seen the last of this evil potion of sneeze-inducing doom! Continuity was my forte. Usually.
COMING NEXT: “Reunited PT. 2” What will become of Laurie and Brutus? Will Anjel regret meddling in Brutus’ personal life? Will anyone be allergic to anything? Will Marty have any lines? Tune in tomorrow!
Chapter 10: “Two Faces”
As I “matured” as a wrestling fan, I started exclusively liking the bad guys (known in wrestling lingo as “heels” – good guys are “faces”). Mr. Perfect soon became my favorite guy. He had stopped wrestling full time and was instead working as Ric Flair’s manager and a color commentator on Prime Time Wrestling, which was the ancestor of Monday Night Raw. (I wrote a poem about it … you’ll get that one of these days). At the time I was writing, Prime Time Wrestling was basically a recap of the week’s matches with a roundtable discussion by Vince McMahon, Hillbilly Jim, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Mr. Perfect, and Bobby Heenan (best commentator ever). Anyhoo, I knew I had to get Mr. Perfect into the story, but wasn’t sure how to do it … there was no ostensible reason he and Anjel would ever be friends … Marty was a face and he was a heel … they should be natural enemies! So I decided that Mr. Perfect was probably a good guy on the inside, and Anjel would of course bring that out in him.
Enjoy!
“Two Faces”
1 Hr. before ***~~~PRIME TIME WRESTLING~~~***
“We need a replacement for Bobby Heenan” said Vince McMahon. In only an hour!”
“How about Mean Gene?”
“No good. Filming an interview.”
“Sean Mooney?” “Lord Alfred?”
“Day off.”
(Mr. Perfect enters.)
“Where’s Bobby?” he asked, searching for his best friend.
“Sick.”
Mr. Perfect looked concerned. [see the glimmer of good in him? SEE IT?]
“We need a replacement!” repeated Vince. Someone with color, pizzazz!”
“Hey. How about Anjel?” said Hillbilly Jim.
“Great idea! I’ll call her.” said Vince. Mr. Perfect rolled his aqua eyes.
“It’s all set!”
10 minutes later, Anjel arrived.
9:22
Mr. Perfect was making crack after crack at Marty.
“He used him like a doormat!” [OH SNAP!]
Anjel couldn’t take it anymore. She stood up and dumped a pitcher of water on Mr. P’s head. Then she ran to the front of the building and sat on the steps, holding back tears.
Mr. Perfect felt horrible about what he did. He had to apologize. He went outside and sat down next to Anjel he touched her shoulder.
“Anjel. I … I’m really sorry.” he said in as oft, kind voice. One Anjel had never heard him use. She locked eyes with him.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad. I … I just …. I need to let off steam about not having Bobby around and I take it out on you. I don’t know why, but I am very sorry. Please accept my apology.” he said in the same soft voice.
“You’re forgiven. And I’m really sorry I dumped the water on your head. I don’t mind when you poke at me but Marty can’t defend himself if he’s not here!” said Anjel.
Mr. Perfect smiled.
“I deserved the water on my head. It served me ri … ri … ri…” he turned his head and sneezed twice in a row.
“Bless you” said Anjel.
“Thank you” said Mr. Perfect.
“I hope the water didn’t give you a cold. It is freezing out here. I’d feel terrible knowing it was my fault.” said Anjel.
“Let’s go inside. It is cold.” said Mr. Perfect
They entered Prime Time Wrestling during a commercial.
“2 minutes til we’re on” said a stagehand.
Mr. Perfect sneezed again.
“Bless you” said Anjel, handing him a tissue. [does she carry them up her sleeve like various grandmas I know?]
“Thank you” said Mr. Perfect and accepted the tissue.
“You know, you’re a real sweet girl.” said Mr. P.
“A tissue and I am forgiven of all sins!” said Anjel. “At first I thought you were a creep, but you’re a pretty O.K. guy once I got to know you.” she said, smiling. [Yes, they did have a pretty deep, soul-searching conversation out there on the steps.]
11:17 – After the Show
Everyone had gone home except Anjel, who was waiting for Marty to come pick her up and Mr. P., who was talking with her.
“That was really funny when Hacksaw Jim’s 2X4 slid out of his hand and fell behind him.” said Anjel.
“Yeah and when Hillbilly Jim dropped his horseshoe on his foot.” said Mr. P.
[the next 2 pages have smudged a lot. Curse you, devotion to only writing in pencil! At any rate, I’m pretty sure Mr. Perfect sneezes some more, but only when Anjel gets close to him. Mr. P. deduces that he is allergic to her perfume, “Tropical Mist.” She washes it off and everything is fine. Ready for the ending? I am.]
“Good thing you stopped sneezing, I’m out of tissues!” she said.
And they’ve been friends ever since!
Notes:
1) No, seriously, WTF was that? I think I based that on an episode of Gilligan’s Island where everyone sneezed when they came too close to Gilligan because he started wearing some homemade cologne. I evidently found that to be a plot device so compelling/funny/whatever that it had to be revisited in my own oeuvre.
2) I love that Mr. Perfect and Anjel’s intense bonding session mainly consists of her giving him tissues, followed by them having a brief, awkward giggle-fest at the expense of their hapless co-hosts.
3) Remember the name “Tropical Mist” … you haven’t seen the last of this evil potion of sneeze-inducing doom! Continuity was my forte. Usually.
COMING NEXT: “Reunited PT. 2” What will become of Laurie and Brutus? Will Anjel regret meddling in Brutus’ personal life? Will anyone be allergic to anything? Will Marty have any lines? Tune in tomorrow!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Chapter 9: Reunited
So this is the one that inspired me to share. It's bad. It's got terrible dialogue, of course, but it's also got some awesome pacing. I had characters make and act on rash decisions -- such as travelling across the country to find a friend's long-lost girlfriend -- in a matter of seconds. Trying to find a bathroom, however, took a considerably longer time.
Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Reunited
A lonely and depressed Brutus Beefcake sat in his dressing room staring at an old photograph. A knock came from his door.
“Come in” he said.
“25 minutes til the Barber Shop, Brutus” said Anjel.
“Thanks” he said in an empty and sad voice. [gee, he seems a bit down]
Angel closed the door.
“What’s wrong Brutus?” she asked softly.
“I found this old picture of my girlfriend Laurie Traynor” Brutus said handing the photo to Anjel. Laurie was pretty. She had short brown hair and big blue eyes.
“What happened to her?” asked Anjel.
“We had just finished high school. We were both aspiring hair stylists. We really loved each other and I was going to ask her to marry me. Vince McMahon came one day and asked me if I wanted to consider professional wrestling. Laurie knew how much this meant to me and told me to go for it. I asked her to come with me, but her life was in San Francisco she couldn’t leave, but she said to live out my dream. I still remember the day I left, we were both crying when I boarded the train …” he broke off and tears filled his eyes.
Anjel hugged him for a long time. Brutus really needed that. He wiped his eyes.
“Thanks, Anjel.” He said, “Can I have a few minutes to think?” he asked
“Sure,” said Anjel and closed the door softly behind her.
Poor Brutus! His story had almost made Anjel cry. She went ino to check on Marty who had the flue and a 102 degree temperature [sick again?!?]. She told him Brutus’s story and he agreed that something had to be done
Marty assured Anjel that he would be fine on his own so Anjel booked a flight to San Francisco. When she looked in the phone book and found-
Laurel Traynor
76 Viking Ave
Anjel hopped a cab and rang the doorbell of 76 Viking Ave. A young woman with shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes opened the door [see? Time passed. Her hair grew.]
“Are you Laurie Traynor?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know a man named Brutus Beefcake?”
“Oh, my God. Brutus. Please Come in.”
Anjel told Laurie the entire story from who she was to the talk she had with Brutus.
They booked a flight to Washington, where Wrestling Challenge was.
“Do you think he’ll recognize me?” asked Laurie.
“I’m positive” said Anjel and knocked on Brutus’ door.
“Come in”
“Brutus I’ve got someone who might cheer you up.” said Anjel and motioned for Laurie to go in. She closed the door behind Laurie.
“Laurie.”
“Brutus.”
“They moved a stop toward each other and embraced. Oh how good it felt to hold Laurie again!
--
Chapter 2 [a chapter within a chapter? Sure, why not?]
“Laurie … how did you … Where …” Brutus started.
“Just hold me, Brutus,” she said.
He did just that.
“I really missed you.” Laurie said.
“So did I.”
“When that lady came to my door …”
“Whoa. What lady?” Asked Brutus.
“She was a blonde … her name was Angelica … no … Angela? I don’t remember. I was so occupied with the though to seeing you again.” answered Laurie. [guess they didn’t talk much on the plane.]
“Anjel?” asked Brutus.
“Yes. Who is she … oh no! Not your wife?” asked Laurie.
“No. No. Just a very wonderful friend.” said Brutus
“That was a pretty long trip. Is there a bathroom nearby?” asked Laurie.
“straight down the hall” said Brutus.
“Thanks” said Laurie and left
Brutus sat down to think. “Anjel … what she did for me. She is so ….. I …. How can I thank her?”
Brutus had never had someone care about him so much. To think of what Anjel did is amazing. She has got a good heart. What a great friend. [hurl]
He walked 2 doors down to Marty’s dressing room since no one answered the knock at Anjel’s. Anjel answered Brutus knock.
“Shh Marty’s finally asleep.” [thus eliminating any further participation in the story] she whispered
“Anjel … you … I … Thank You.” said Brutus and hugged her.
“Anything for a friend.” whispered Anjel. She wiped a tear of joy welling up in her eye away.
Notes:
1) I obviously didn’t have a clue as to the actual function of a dressing room. Marty has the flu, but he’s in his dressing room? Brutus has a photo of an ex-girlfriend in his dressing room? I guess I just figured they were like apartments, and each wrestler had his/her own.
2) Anjel is seriously intrusive. Back off, lady.
3) I had a serious problem with dialogue tags. And adverbs. And ellipses. And vital discussions of where the bathroom is.
This story isn’t over. There’s a sequel coming up soon. There will be lots more egregious crying and ridiculous dialogue. And a pretty awesome break-up scene.
But first … Chapter 10: “Two Faces” – Wherein we meet Mr. Perfect, who also has a serious allergy. WTF was wrong with me?
Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Reunited
A lonely and depressed Brutus Beefcake sat in his dressing room staring at an old photograph. A knock came from his door.
“Come in” he said.
“25 minutes til the Barber Shop, Brutus” said Anjel.
“Thanks” he said in an empty and sad voice. [gee, he seems a bit down]
Angel closed the door.
“What’s wrong Brutus?” she asked softly.
“I found this old picture of my girlfriend Laurie Traynor” Brutus said handing the photo to Anjel. Laurie was pretty. She had short brown hair and big blue eyes.
“What happened to her?” asked Anjel.
“We had just finished high school. We were both aspiring hair stylists. We really loved each other and I was going to ask her to marry me. Vince McMahon came one day and asked me if I wanted to consider professional wrestling. Laurie knew how much this meant to me and told me to go for it. I asked her to come with me, but her life was in San Francisco she couldn’t leave, but she said to live out my dream. I still remember the day I left, we were both crying when I boarded the train …” he broke off and tears filled his eyes.
Anjel hugged him for a long time. Brutus really needed that. He wiped his eyes.
“Thanks, Anjel.” He said, “Can I have a few minutes to think?” he asked
“Sure,” said Anjel and closed the door softly behind her.
Poor Brutus! His story had almost made Anjel cry. She went ino to check on Marty who had the flue and a 102 degree temperature [sick again?!?]. She told him Brutus’s story and he agreed that something had to be done
Marty assured Anjel that he would be fine on his own so Anjel booked a flight to San Francisco. When she looked in the phone book and found-
Laurel Traynor
76 Viking Ave
Anjel hopped a cab and rang the doorbell of 76 Viking Ave. A young woman with shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes opened the door [see? Time passed. Her hair grew.]
“Are you Laurie Traynor?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know a man named Brutus Beefcake?”
“Oh, my God. Brutus. Please Come in.”
Anjel told Laurie the entire story from who she was to the talk she had with Brutus.
They booked a flight to Washington, where Wrestling Challenge was.
“Do you think he’ll recognize me?” asked Laurie.
“I’m positive” said Anjel and knocked on Brutus’ door.
“Come in”
“Brutus I’ve got someone who might cheer you up.” said Anjel and motioned for Laurie to go in. She closed the door behind Laurie.
“Laurie.”
“Brutus.”
“They moved a stop toward each other and embraced. Oh how good it felt to hold Laurie again!
--
Chapter 2 [a chapter within a chapter? Sure, why not?]
“Laurie … how did you … Where …” Brutus started.
“Just hold me, Brutus,” she said.
He did just that.
“I really missed you.” Laurie said.
“So did I.”
“When that lady came to my door …”
“Whoa. What lady?” Asked Brutus.
“She was a blonde … her name was Angelica … no … Angela? I don’t remember. I was so occupied with the though to seeing you again.” answered Laurie. [guess they didn’t talk much on the plane.]
“Anjel?” asked Brutus.
“Yes. Who is she … oh no! Not your wife?” asked Laurie.
“No. No. Just a very wonderful friend.” said Brutus
“That was a pretty long trip. Is there a bathroom nearby?” asked Laurie.
“straight down the hall” said Brutus.
“Thanks” said Laurie and left
Brutus sat down to think. “Anjel … what she did for me. She is so ….. I …. How can I thank her?”
Brutus had never had someone care about him so much. To think of what Anjel did is amazing. She has got a good heart. What a great friend. [hurl]
He walked 2 doors down to Marty’s dressing room since no one answered the knock at Anjel’s. Anjel answered Brutus knock.
“Shh Marty’s finally asleep.” [thus eliminating any further participation in the story] she whispered
“Anjel … you … I … Thank You.” said Brutus and hugged her.
“Anything for a friend.” whispered Anjel. She wiped a tear of joy welling up in her eye away.
Notes:
1) I obviously didn’t have a clue as to the actual function of a dressing room. Marty has the flu, but he’s in his dressing room? Brutus has a photo of an ex-girlfriend in his dressing room? I guess I just figured they were like apartments, and each wrestler had his/her own.
2) Anjel is seriously intrusive. Back off, lady.
3) I had a serious problem with dialogue tags. And adverbs. And ellipses. And vital discussions of where the bathroom is.
This story isn’t over. There’s a sequel coming up soon. There will be lots more egregious crying and ridiculous dialogue. And a pretty awesome break-up scene.
But first … Chapter 10: “Two Faces” – Wherein we meet Mr. Perfect, who also has a serious allergy. WTF was wrong with me?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
the missing links
Here is what, to the best of my recollection, was in the pages missing from this epic story:
“Middle Names” – The passion with which I loved Marty Jannetty was only rivaled by the passion with which I hated Miss Elizabeth. For those of you not in the know, Miss Elizabeth was The Macho Man’s valet (and wife … I was totally at their “wedding” during Summerslam 91). I couldn’t stand this woman. Something about her just irked me. So I wrote her into the story as Anjel’s first arch nemesis. My memory is a bit fuzzy on some of the details, but the first line of the story was: “More than anything, Anjel hated her middle name.”
Anyhoo, there’s a match set up between Marty and the Macho Man. At some point, Macho looks like he’s in trouble, so Elizabeth rips off the bottom of her dress to distract the referee (that’s what she did in “real life” at Summerslam 88). Marty loses the match because of this. Then Mean Gene interviews both Anjel and Miss Elizabeth. I distinctly remember juxtaposing scenes of Anjel and Elizabeth selecting outfits in preparation for their interviews. Liz puts on a low-cut top and a short skirt, while Anjel puts on a long red t-shirt, cinched at the waist with a black belt and a pair of black spandex. Hawt. Liz fawns and simpers through the interview and Anjel is the epitome of cool. She also says ripping off your skirt to distract the referee was a cheap thing to do, which sends ripples of controversy throughout the WWF. I actually even wrote a mock letters to the editor section of WWF magazine with fans across the country writing in on who they thought was right: Anjel or Elizabeth. Elizabeth does have some supporters (I believe I intentionally made them sound stupid in their letters) but most fans side with Anjel. Elizabeth will not stand for this! Look out, Anjel … this is gonna come back to bite you on your spandex-covered ass!
I don’t remember anything else actually happening … the only thing I know for sure is that the last lines were: “Charlotte ELIZABETH Theodosia put the magazine down and sighed. Now you know why she hated her middle name?” I asked all the tough questions.
I think there are only two things you need to take away from this story: 1) Marty really isn’t in it. I was slowly discovering that he was pretty boring on the whole. 2) Anjel is a total prude. (coincidentally, so was I)
“The Cetaminifin story” - Shawn is sick and Sherri doesn’t know what to do. So she calls Anjel, who is, of course, a nurse, and therefore the only person she could possibly think of to call. Sherri says she’s going to give Shawn Cetaminifin. What is that? I don’t know. I suppose it sounded a lot like acetaminophen, which I was fairly certain was some sort of medicine. Anyhoo, Anjel quickly saves the day by letting her know that Shawn is allergic to Cetaminifin. He had confessed that horrible secret to Marty during their days of being BFF. Unlike Shawn, who uses Marty’s debilitating daisy allergy for evil in Chapter 1, Marty uses this knowledge for good.
Also, in this chapter, Marty is sick too … and thus once again has almost zero involvement in the story.
My absolute favorite part is the only one I remember with any degree of clarity. When Anjel gets the distress call from Sherri, she is sitting at a table working. I couldn’t just leave it at that. What is she working on? A math problem. I actually wrote “Anjel was working on a math problem.” One of her neighbors asked her to figure out how much money they should pay their son’s tutor, because they needed to pay twice as much as they did for his violin lessons, but more than half as much as they did for his soccer lessons. Sounds amazingly like something right out of a fifth-grade math textbook, no?
I know there was more … because the next chapter I have is Chapter 9, but I’m drawing a blank right now. If I ever recall anything, you’ll be the first to know!
Coming next: Chapter 9, "Reunited" ... it's a doozy.
“Middle Names” – The passion with which I loved Marty Jannetty was only rivaled by the passion with which I hated Miss Elizabeth. For those of you not in the know, Miss Elizabeth was The Macho Man’s valet (and wife … I was totally at their “wedding” during Summerslam 91). I couldn’t stand this woman. Something about her just irked me. So I wrote her into the story as Anjel’s first arch nemesis. My memory is a bit fuzzy on some of the details, but the first line of the story was: “More than anything, Anjel hated her middle name.”
Anyhoo, there’s a match set up between Marty and the Macho Man. At some point, Macho looks like he’s in trouble, so Elizabeth rips off the bottom of her dress to distract the referee (that’s what she did in “real life” at Summerslam 88). Marty loses the match because of this. Then Mean Gene interviews both Anjel and Miss Elizabeth. I distinctly remember juxtaposing scenes of Anjel and Elizabeth selecting outfits in preparation for their interviews. Liz puts on a low-cut top and a short skirt, while Anjel puts on a long red t-shirt, cinched at the waist with a black belt and a pair of black spandex. Hawt. Liz fawns and simpers through the interview and Anjel is the epitome of cool. She also says ripping off your skirt to distract the referee was a cheap thing to do, which sends ripples of controversy throughout the WWF. I actually even wrote a mock letters to the editor section of WWF magazine with fans across the country writing in on who they thought was right: Anjel or Elizabeth. Elizabeth does have some supporters (I believe I intentionally made them sound stupid in their letters) but most fans side with Anjel. Elizabeth will not stand for this! Look out, Anjel … this is gonna come back to bite you on your spandex-covered ass!
I don’t remember anything else actually happening … the only thing I know for sure is that the last lines were: “Charlotte ELIZABETH Theodosia put the magazine down and sighed. Now you know why she hated her middle name?” I asked all the tough questions.
I think there are only two things you need to take away from this story: 1) Marty really isn’t in it. I was slowly discovering that he was pretty boring on the whole. 2) Anjel is a total prude. (coincidentally, so was I)
“The Cetaminifin story” - Shawn is sick and Sherri doesn’t know what to do. So she calls Anjel, who is, of course, a nurse, and therefore the only person she could possibly think of to call. Sherri says she’s going to give Shawn Cetaminifin. What is that? I don’t know. I suppose it sounded a lot like acetaminophen, which I was fairly certain was some sort of medicine. Anyhoo, Anjel quickly saves the day by letting her know that Shawn is allergic to Cetaminifin. He had confessed that horrible secret to Marty during their days of being BFF. Unlike Shawn, who uses Marty’s debilitating daisy allergy for evil in Chapter 1, Marty uses this knowledge for good.
Also, in this chapter, Marty is sick too … and thus once again has almost zero involvement in the story.
My absolute favorite part is the only one I remember with any degree of clarity. When Anjel gets the distress call from Sherri, she is sitting at a table working. I couldn’t just leave it at that. What is she working on? A math problem. I actually wrote “Anjel was working on a math problem.” One of her neighbors asked her to figure out how much money they should pay their son’s tutor, because they needed to pay twice as much as they did for his violin lessons, but more than half as much as they did for his soccer lessons. Sounds amazingly like something right out of a fifth-grade math textbook, no?
I know there was more … because the next chapter I have is Chapter 9, but I’m drawing a blank right now. If I ever recall anything, you’ll be the first to know!
Coming next: Chapter 9, "Reunited" ... it's a doozy.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Chapter 2 - Resumes (part 1)
NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Chapter 1: Points of View
NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
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