NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
Showing posts with label debilitating daisy allergy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label debilitating daisy allergy. Show all posts
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Chapter 1: Points of View
NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
[Well I thought I was missing the first few pages, but it turns out, I'm actually missing pages 7-39. Alas. I'll bet they were horrible. Well, let's just work with what we got ... I'm pretty dang sure you still enjoy this mess without needing any of their "vital" plot points.]
[I would also like to alert y'all to the fact that my desire to censor this is raging like a fire in my gut right now ... this is so bad it hurts. Enjoy!]
Chapter 1: Points of View
*~*Anjel*~* [yes, I drew swirlies around her name]
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring and awaited the arrival of that traitor, Shawn Michaels. Anjel looked at Marty. She knew that he was recovering from both the mental and phyiscal shock from Jan. 12. [that's when The Rockers broke up. Tragic.] She touched his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly for support. Shawn's music boomed from speakers. Anjel looked first at Marty and then the curtain and back with concerned eyes. Finally, the curtain parted and Sherri came foward wearing a low-cut red dress and make-up covering her face. Then Shawn appeared with an arrogant look on his face and a bouquet of ..... daisies? What were the daisies for? Anjel looked at Marty. His face was completely white.
She rushed over to him. Then she remembered. Marty had told her that daises made him sneeze like crazy. He had only told 2 people this in his life. Herself and .... Shawn Michaels.[understandable why you'd want to keep that horrible fact a secret, no?] Anjel did the only thing she could she told Marty not to worry and ducked under the ring. It was dark under there, but she made it to a thin shaft of light. She snuk out of the underside of the ring. She ran past a stunned Sherri and grabbed the flowers from Shawn. Anjel dumped them inot the nearest trash can. She ran back to Marty's side. Color returned to his face. He gave Anjel a warm kiss on the cheek. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied and she meant it.
MARTY
Marty and Anjel stepped into the ring. His head swam with the evenge of Jan. 12. He noticed a warm hand on his shoulder. He squoze it tightly. Sherri stepped through the curtain. Marty was very glad he had Angel. She was the greatest friend a guy could have. He could always count on her. He cleared his head while his ex-friend stepped through curtain. What was Shawn carrying? Oh, god no. Daisies. Marty was terribly allergic to daisies. How could Shawn Micheals do this to him? When he had first told Shawn that little bit of personal info, Marty had never thought that he would do this. Anjel ran over to him and told him anot to worry. She dissapeared from sight. And then reappeared on the other side fo the ring and grabbed the flowers, rushing past the curtain with them. She returned to Marty's side. Anjel was the most terrific person in the universe, he thought. He kissed her. "You saved my life." he told her. "Anytime." she replied. Marty knew she meant it.
SHAWN [here I will alert you to the fact that a few months after I wrote this, I decided that I liked Shawn better than Marty, which apparantly prompted me to write "I love Shawn 4-ever" in the margins of this story.]
"There's no way this loser can beat me." he told Sherri. "When we got the secret weapon." he told her. Sherri just nodded. "That goofball never should have told me his weakness. He'll be sneezing so hard, he won't know where I am!" he said confidently. "Come on, Sherri." She led him through the curtain. He grabbed the flowers and followed her. Ha! Marty's face turned pale! What the heck? Anjel appeared from the bottom of teh ring and flashed past Sherri. Before Shawn knew what was happening, Anjel grabbed his flowers and dissappeared. Then she returnd to Marty's side. Marty kissed her! Why can't she be like Sherri and worship me?
SHERRI <3<3>[the hearts were not because I liked her, but because I wanted to convey the depth to which she was enamored with Shawn Michaels. Just in case the following text didn't support that idea.]
MMM. Sigh. Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. Sherri just nodded her head when he spoke. She was head over heals in love. She stared at him with sparkly eyes. She led the way to ring area. He had such a brilliant plan. He was so perfect, so wonderful. She was in another world. The next thing she knew, someone rushed past her and grabbed the flowers. But she didn't care much. She was standing next to the world's biggest hunk. Ah! How could someone have the nerve to upset my Shawnie? She'll pay for this! Oh, why won't Shawn kiss me like Marty kisses that .... that .... goody 2 shoes?
~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~ [I drew more swirlies to signal the end of this chapter]
NOTES:
1) Yes, I knew the exact date that the Rockers broke up. I even did a fake news report about it by reading a WWF magazine article into my tape recorder. No, I don't still have that. Probably.
2) A secret allergy to daisies does indeed sound career-threatening. What would Marty have done if Anjel hadn't been there to foil Shawn's evil plot? Boy, she really did save his life!
3) I would just like to pat 12-year-old me on the back for being a good speller. I wasn't too good at using the correct pronouns to maintain consistent point-of-view, but boy howdy, I spelled like a champ. I'll glean whatever praise can be gleaned from this dreck.
4) I think the funniest part about looking back at this writing is seeing how I thought adults spoke, thought, and interacted with each other. This entry isn't the best example, but it's got hints of it. The best is yet to come on that front.
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