When we last left our merry band of losers, Dullexandra tied the knot and no one objected. This week: characters interact. That's about it. Sorry. On the plus side, we do get to see some more of Rick's trademark Goofball Antics. Wait, that's not a plus side. Well ... here's a plus side: no Clippy. Take what you can get, folks.
Chapter 44 – The Wedding Party
Sting hopped into Angel’s car. She pulled out of the parking lot.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem.”
“Nice wedding, huh?”
“Yeah. It was beautiful.”
“Hey, Angel, did Dustin tell you what happened at the bachelor party?”
“With Barry? Yeah.”
“Where’d he end up? Did he just drive around all night?”
“No … he slept over at my house.”
Sting stared at her.
“Nothing happened, if you’re wondering. He slept on my couch. He needed a friend, and that’s what I was,” she said, annoyed.
Angel found a space in the rented hotel’s lot [they rented out the entire hotel? Dang!] and both she and Sting entered the party. The place was humming with activity, but Angel didn’t want to be a part of it. Odd feelings swept over her. It felt wrong for her to be here. She missed Chris and Bobby, but most of all, she missed her big brother Danny. She hadn’t spoken to him in over two years. [That’s what she feels bad about? That? With all of the other crap going on? Danny?]
Angel greeted everyone cordially, then found a table in the corner by herself. Why hadn’t she kept in touch with Danny? Well, she knew her big brother was never one to remember to call anyone. He was always busy with one project or another. Angel being a full time nurse and Danny being a struggling actor didn’t leave much time for communication. But still, two years? What was he doing now? Was he married? Did he have kids? That settled it. Angel would call him as soon as she could. [sure she will. Either that or we’ll never hear about him again.]
“Ang? You OK?”
Angel looked up. Scott was standing there.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. Have a seat.”
“Thanks.” Scott said, sitting next to Angel. [important detail there]
“How have you been, Scotty?”
“I’ve been alright. I, uh, met a woman,” he grinned.
“Yeah, what’s her name?”
“Justina.” [dunt dunt DUNNNNNNNNNNN!]
“What’s she like?”
“She’s about 27 or so, with curly copper hair, and these incredible blue eyes. They’re so beautiful.” [who gives out that kind of information upon being asked that question? Is the age significant unless it’s like, 17 or 87? Now that would make for an interesting story.]
“Sounds terrific! Where’d you meet her?”
“At this dance thing my brother dragged me to.” [a dance? A DANCE? Oh, I give up.] He looked away, into the crowd of people. “Wonder where he is.”
Angelica stood to help him search. She felt 2 hands cover her eyes.
“Guess who?”
“OJ Simpson?”
“Nope.”
“Homer Simpson?”
“D’oh! Nope – one more try.”
“Uhmm … Rick?”
“Give the woman a beer! Or at least a Zima or something.” [Yes. I wrote that. Wowlions.]
“Hey Rick.” She hugged him.
“Hey Angie.”
“Nice bowtie,” she said, taking in Rick’s neon pink neckwear.
“Thank you. Nice toenail polish.”
Angel looked down at her feet.
“Gotcha!” Rick cried in glee. [Oh, what a hilarious throwback to Sting’s party. Rick, you are a card.]
“Hi guys,” Greeted Sting, joining the group. “And gal.”
“Hey Sting.”
Much to Angel’s dismay, she had become thrust straight into the middle of the party.
“What’re we doing all alone here in the corner? Let’s mingle!” With a happy shriek, Sting moved into other swells of people. The party lasted until the wee hours of the morning, and Angel had a better time than she had expected [well thank goodness].
After the festivities were over, Angel packed her bags for Tupelo and Chris’ plane landed in St. Paul, Minnesota.
NOTES:
1) Wow, y'all, remember Zima? Those commercials were always on in the early 90's. "Zomething different!" Oh, the 90's. I wore so much flannel.
2) So Danny is a struggling actor in LA? And so busy with "projects" that he can't remember to call his only sister, who also apparantly can't remember to call him, despite the fact that both of their parents died in a horrific car accident years ago? Okaaaaaaaaaaay.
3) I think I can promise that this the only chapter that mentions OJ Simpson.
Coming up next … Chris + Arn + tape recorder = crying. You won’t want to miss this one. Join us next week for …
Chapter 45 – No Secrets, Part I
Showing posts with label Rick Steiner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rick Steiner. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Chapter 43: The Big Day
Salutations, friends. In last week’s thrilling chapter, Alex misplaced her French Maid costume and Barry made out with her until Dustin woke up from his nightmare in a convulsive fit of sobs. Then tissues spontaneously generated in Angel’s living room and he went back to sleep. Today: wedding! Bring it.
Chapter 43 – The Big Day
Angel sat next to Sting in the second pew at St. Joseph’s Church.
“Angel! You look fantastic!” he whispered, taking in Angel’s light blue dress. [did she buy it as part of a matching set with her couch?]
“Thanks! I hardly recognized you in that tux! Pretty spiffy!” she whispered back. [I do hope he’s wearing his facepaint as part of the ensemble.]
Rick and Scott Steiner found Angel and Sting and sat in the row behind them.
“Hey, Angie! Hey Stinger!”
The church was quieted and the organ sounded. Alexandra York, arm in arm with her father, entered. Her dress was exquisite. Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. A long veil and train trailed behind her. She carried a bouquet of lilacs and baby’s breath that matched her bridesmaids’ gowns perfectly [why, why, why is this the only description of their dresses?]. Her dark-tan skin was glowing, and she was smiling from ear to ear as she approached Dustin. She stepped up to the alter [sic. But when you think about it, it works as a verb too] and turned to face her husband-to-be.
The minister cleared his throat and began.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and woman in holy matrimony. Do you, Alexandra Denise York, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and health, for rich or for poor, to death do you part?”
“I do.”
“And do you, Dustin Matthew Rhodes, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for rich and for poor, to death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Dustin didn’t need to be told twice. He kissed her as he had never kissed her before. The church burst into applause. Rick Steiner whistled loudly. Scott elbowed him. Angel giggled.
“You think this is bad—at our sister Crystal’s wedding, he kept asking where to buy peanuts,” Scott said.
Everyone stood as the happy couple made their exit.
NOTES:
1) Alex’s dress: Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. H A W T. I have an excellent picture of this in my head, but so far I haven’t found anything via google images to match it. Do let me know if any of y’all have any luck.
2) That was the shortest wedding ceremony ever. Not a bad thing. But man, why not the “speak now or forever hold your peace”? Considering the fact that at the time of writing this, the only weddings I’d ever seen were on soap operas, you would think that the Dullexandra nuptials would have been a crazy drama-infested throwdown. Alas. On a related note, has anyone ever been to an actual wedding where they say that “speak now” bit? Slice and I thought it would have been funny if the judge at our wedding said it and then stared at the crowd for a full three minutes.
3) I do not understand why I was completely incapable of writing comedy. But as evidenced by any of Rick’s “goofball antics,” I most assuredly was.
COMING UP NEXT
I didn’t know the word for “reception,” so I called it “The Wedding Party.” This chapter includes: a reference to Mysterious Brother Danny, some trademark Rick goofball antics, and a couple dozen more reasons to loathe Angel. See you next time in …
Chapter 44 – The Wedding Party
Chapter 43 – The Big Day
Angel sat next to Sting in the second pew at St. Joseph’s Church.
“Angel! You look fantastic!” he whispered, taking in Angel’s light blue dress. [did she buy it as part of a matching set with her couch?]
“Thanks! I hardly recognized you in that tux! Pretty spiffy!” she whispered back. [I do hope he’s wearing his facepaint as part of the ensemble.]
Rick and Scott Steiner found Angel and Sting and sat in the row behind them.
“Hey, Angie! Hey Stinger!”
The church was quieted and the organ sounded. Alexandra York, arm in arm with her father, entered. Her dress was exquisite. Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. A long veil and train trailed behind her. She carried a bouquet of lilacs and baby’s breath that matched her bridesmaids’ gowns perfectly [why, why, why is this the only description of their dresses?]. Her dark-tan skin was glowing, and she was smiling from ear to ear as she approached Dustin. She stepped up to the alter [sic. But when you think about it, it works as a verb too] and turned to face her husband-to-be.
The minister cleared his throat and began.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and woman in holy matrimony. Do you, Alexandra Denise York, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and health, for rich or for poor, to death do you part?”
“I do.”
“And do you, Dustin Matthew Rhodes, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for rich and for poor, to death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Dustin didn’t need to be told twice. He kissed her as he had never kissed her before. The church burst into applause. Rick Steiner whistled loudly. Scott elbowed him. Angel giggled.
“You think this is bad—at our sister Crystal’s wedding, he kept asking where to buy peanuts,” Scott said.
Everyone stood as the happy couple made their exit.
NOTES:
1) Alex’s dress: Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. H A W T. I have an excellent picture of this in my head, but so far I haven’t found anything via google images to match it. Do let me know if any of y’all have any luck.
2) That was the shortest wedding ceremony ever. Not a bad thing. But man, why not the “speak now or forever hold your peace”? Considering the fact that at the time of writing this, the only weddings I’d ever seen were on soap operas, you would think that the Dullexandra nuptials would have been a crazy drama-infested throwdown. Alas. On a related note, has anyone ever been to an actual wedding where they say that “speak now” bit? Slice and I thought it would have been funny if the judge at our wedding said it and then stared at the crowd for a full three minutes.
3) I do not understand why I was completely incapable of writing comedy. But as evidenced by any of Rick’s “goofball antics,” I most assuredly was.
COMING UP NEXT
I didn’t know the word for “reception,” so I called it “The Wedding Party.” This chapter includes: a reference to Mysterious Brother Danny, some trademark Rick goofball antics, and a couple dozen more reasons to loathe Angel. See you next time in …
Chapter 44 – The Wedding Party
Monday, March 16, 2009
Chapter 32: Solitary Scott
Greetings, all. Welcome to another installment of stuff that makes me cringe when I read it. In today's chapter, Scott reveals a little bit more of his stalker side and Rick is creepy about stuff. Enjoy!
Chapter 32 – Solitary Scott
“Why isn’t she home?” Scott murmured to himself, slamming the receiver into its cradle. Scott had been trying to reach Marie for the billionth time in two days. “If I could just talk to her, everything would be OK! I know it!”
“Talking to yourself again, little brother?” asked Rick, entering Scott’s room.
“Hey, Rick.”
“Still can’t get Marie?”
“No.”
“Maybe her phone is broken.”
“Naw. I drove to her house yesterday. Noone was there.” [have you considered implanting a tracking device under her skin?]
“I talked to Angie.”
“Yeah? How is she?”
“Good. She wants to talk to you.”
“She does?” [why does this surprise you? Rick talking to Angel = Angel interfering in your life.]
“Yeah. Saturday. She’ll come here.”
“Fine.” Normally, Scott would have been a little angry with Rick for making plans without asking him first [wtf?], but he was so preoccupied with Marie, he barely noticed.
“See you later, Scotty,” Rick said, closing Scotty’s door behind him as he left his room. [he lets Scott have his own room? With a door that shuts? Woah!]
Scott sighed and tried Marie once more. No answer.
Outside, thunder rolled and a storm began. Wind gusted, fluttering papers around in the room. Scott went over to the window to shut it and then picked the papers up from the floor. A small card caught his eye.
You are cordially invited
To the marriage of
Dustin Rhodes and
Alexandra York on
April Twenty-First at
Saint Joseph’s Church.
RSVP by April Second
Scotty had almost forgotten about Dustin’s wedding. “Marie and I were going to get married.” Scott thought to himself. [oh yeah? When did that happen? Methinks Scott is inventing stuff. Either that or I was] “Stop it, Scott! You’re not helping anything by getting yourself upset!” he admonished. Scott closed his eyes and shook his head. Talking to Angel would help. [how?]
NOTES
1) Oh gross, Steiners. Your relationship is weird and gross.
2) Scott, you are made of crazy. Obsess much? Rewrite history much? Wig out much? Oh, I guess I can’t blame you. Rick has obviously screwed with your head to the degree that you are incapable of maintaining any sort of healthy relationship with anyone else. Poor Scotty. You know what he needs? A healthy dose of AngelSense.
3) Where could Marie be? Maybe Scott should check the glasses aisle of Lame Disguises 'R Us.
COMING UP NEXT:
Violet's dastardly plan continues to unfold and Bobby mopes around some more. Sweet! Join us next time for ...
Chapter 33: Turning Up the Heat (part I)
Chapter 32 – Solitary Scott
“Why isn’t she home?” Scott murmured to himself, slamming the receiver into its cradle. Scott had been trying to reach Marie for the billionth time in two days. “If I could just talk to her, everything would be OK! I know it!”
“Talking to yourself again, little brother?” asked Rick, entering Scott’s room.
“Hey, Rick.”
“Still can’t get Marie?”
“No.”
“Maybe her phone is broken.”
“Naw. I drove to her house yesterday. Noone was there.” [have you considered implanting a tracking device under her skin?]
“I talked to Angie.”
“Yeah? How is she?”
“Good. She wants to talk to you.”
“She does?” [why does this surprise you? Rick talking to Angel = Angel interfering in your life.]
“Yeah. Saturday. She’ll come here.”
“Fine.” Normally, Scott would have been a little angry with Rick for making plans without asking him first [wtf?], but he was so preoccupied with Marie, he barely noticed.
“See you later, Scotty,” Rick said, closing Scotty’s door behind him as he left his room. [he lets Scott have his own room? With a door that shuts? Woah!]
Scott sighed and tried Marie once more. No answer.
Outside, thunder rolled and a storm began. Wind gusted, fluttering papers around in the room. Scott went over to the window to shut it and then picked the papers up from the floor. A small card caught his eye.
You are cordially invited
To the marriage of
Dustin Rhodes and
Alexandra York on
April Twenty-First at
Saint Joseph’s Church.
RSVP by April Second
Scotty had almost forgotten about Dustin’s wedding. “Marie and I were going to get married.” Scott thought to himself. [oh yeah? When did that happen? Methinks Scott is inventing stuff. Either that or I was] “Stop it, Scott! You’re not helping anything by getting yourself upset!” he admonished. Scott closed his eyes and shook his head. Talking to Angel would help. [how?]
NOTES
1) Oh gross, Steiners. Your relationship is weird and gross.
2) Scott, you are made of crazy. Obsess much? Rewrite history much? Wig out much? Oh, I guess I can’t blame you. Rick has obviously screwed with your head to the degree that you are incapable of maintaining any sort of healthy relationship with anyone else. Poor Scotty. You know what he needs? A healthy dose of AngelSense.
3) Where could Marie be? Maybe Scott should check the glasses aisle of Lame Disguises 'R Us.
COMING UP NEXT:
Violet's dastardly plan continues to unfold and Bobby mopes around some more. Sweet! Join us next time for ...
Chapter 33: Turning Up the Heat (part I)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Chapter 29: Mail
Ok. Sorry again that this one is late. In this thrilling chapter, we get to read some of Angel's mail and endure a painfully "humor"-laden conversation that she has with Rick. Hooo boy!
Chapter 29: Mail
Angel had been away from home for two weeks. Mrs. Camaletti had been getting all of her mail for her. [well that’s a thrilling way to start a chapter]. On Mrs. Camaletti’s hall table, there were 4 letters declaring that Angelica Kerris could win 10 million dollars, 5 bills, a letter from the American Red Cross, a small envelope with a gold foil stamping, and another letter. [are y’all taking notes?]
Curious, she opened the small one first. The letter was an engraved invitation to … Dustin’s wedding! Finally! Oh, this was exciting. What would she wear? While her mind happily raced, the postmark on the other letter caught her eye. Silver Lake, Michigan.
“What’s that little vixen want now?” she said aloud. [seriously? She said that out loud?]
Angel read Marie’s letter.
Angel –
You make me sick. You weren’t content to just steal Mr. P. from me, you’re after Scotty too. Well forget about that. I’ll stop you—no matter what it takes.
~ Marie
Angel shook her head sadly and said out loud: “That woman is insane.”
The phone rang and Angel screamed. “I’ve got to learn to control myself,” she reprimanded herself.
“Camaletti residence.”
“Yes, this is the electric company. Is your refrigerator running?” [LOL. Not.]
“Old joke, Rick,” she laughed.
“Got me, Angie.” Rick Steiner said.
Angel had left Mrs. Camaletti’s phone number on her answering machine. She was glad Rick had called. Marie’s letter had upset her, and Ricks’ cheerful personality was just what she needed.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Okay. And you?”
“Bout the same.” [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]
“Good to hear. How’s Scott?”
“Not good. That’s mainly why I’m calling.” [so you can interfere in his life again because it’s not as if he’s an adult or anything and after all, you’ve known him for a whole, like, couple months]
“Oh? What’s the matter?”
“It’s Marie.”
“I figured as much. Did they break up?”
“No. But things aren’t good. I was wondering if you’d talk to Scotty Boy about this.”
“Me? Rick, I think I’d be the last one he’d want to talk to. This is practically all my fault.”
“Curt said you’d take the blame for this,” Rick said, more to himself than Angel. [you mean that she’d make it all about herself?]
“Mr. P? You’ve spoken to him?”
“Yeah. We’re good friends.”
“Scott too?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Hasn’t Mr. P. spoken to Scott about Marie?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“And Scott still wants to talk to me about this?”
“Yeah, why?”
“It’s just confusing, that’s all.”
“Yeah, why?” [oh just stick a spork in my pancreas]
“Rick!” Angel cried, feigning annoying playfully.
“Sorry. I couldn’t help it.”
“So will you talk to my brother?”
“Of course.”
“Good. We’ll be in Minnesota Friday. Is that OK?”
“No. Sorry. Chris and I are throwing Bobby a going-away-again-party.”
“Chris?”
“Chris Benoit. He’s my boyfriend.” [my characters are the worst communicators ever.]
“Oh. How ‘bout Saturday?”
“Fine with me.”
“We’re at the Capri Hotel. Know where it is?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. See you then.”
“Rick?”
“Yeah, Angie?”
“Give Mr. P. my phone number, will you?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks. Bye, Rick.”
“Seeya Angie.”
NOTES
1) So Angel’s Best Friend Ever, Mr. P., doesn’t even have her phone number??? No wonder it’s such a tragedy when people move. Out of sight, out of contact. Except for Rick Steiner, who calls Angel all the time so that she can talk some AngelSense into Young Scott’s life. What a good friend. Who apparently doesn’t even know that Angel has been dating Chris for several chapters now.
2) Could there have been less action in this chapter?
3) What is Marie’s deal, you ask? Why is she sending stupid letters to Angel? Remember, sending letters is her m.o. Too bad this one didn’t have anthrax inside it. I’ve heard that Angel was allergic to that. Anyhoo, don’t worry. We haven’t heard the last from Angel’s arch nemesis.
COMING UP NEXT:
Bobby seems upset but won't tell anyone why and Angel and Dustin talk about sex. Hawt. Join us next time for ...
Chapter 30: Something's On His Mind
Chapter 29: Mail
Angel had been away from home for two weeks. Mrs. Camaletti had been getting all of her mail for her. [well that’s a thrilling way to start a chapter]. On Mrs. Camaletti’s hall table, there were 4 letters declaring that Angelica Kerris could win 10 million dollars, 5 bills, a letter from the American Red Cross, a small envelope with a gold foil stamping, and another letter. [are y’all taking notes?]
Curious, she opened the small one first. The letter was an engraved invitation to … Dustin’s wedding! Finally! Oh, this was exciting. What would she wear? While her mind happily raced, the postmark on the other letter caught her eye. Silver Lake, Michigan.
“What’s that little vixen want now?” she said aloud. [seriously? She said that out loud?]
Angel read Marie’s letter.
Angel –
You make me sick. You weren’t content to just steal Mr. P. from me, you’re after Scotty too. Well forget about that. I’ll stop you—no matter what it takes.
~ Marie
Angel shook her head sadly and said out loud: “That woman is insane.”
The phone rang and Angel screamed. “I’ve got to learn to control myself,” she reprimanded herself.
“Camaletti residence.”
“Yes, this is the electric company. Is your refrigerator running?” [LOL. Not.]
“Old joke, Rick,” she laughed.
“Got me, Angie.” Rick Steiner said.
Angel had left Mrs. Camaletti’s phone number on her answering machine. She was glad Rick had called. Marie’s letter had upset her, and Ricks’ cheerful personality was just what she needed.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Okay. And you?”
“Bout the same.” [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]
“Good to hear. How’s Scott?”
“Not good. That’s mainly why I’m calling.” [so you can interfere in his life again because it’s not as if he’s an adult or anything and after all, you’ve known him for a whole, like, couple months]
“Oh? What’s the matter?”
“It’s Marie.”
“I figured as much. Did they break up?”
“No. But things aren’t good. I was wondering if you’d talk to Scotty Boy about this.”
“Me? Rick, I think I’d be the last one he’d want to talk to. This is practically all my fault.”
“Curt said you’d take the blame for this,” Rick said, more to himself than Angel. [you mean that she’d make it all about herself?]
“Mr. P? You’ve spoken to him?”
“Yeah. We’re good friends.”
“Scott too?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Hasn’t Mr. P. spoken to Scott about Marie?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“And Scott still wants to talk to me about this?”
“Yeah, why?”
“It’s just confusing, that’s all.”
“Yeah, why?” [oh just stick a spork in my pancreas]
“Rick!” Angel cried, feigning annoying playfully.
“Sorry. I couldn’t help it.”
“So will you talk to my brother?”
“Of course.”
“Good. We’ll be in Minnesota Friday. Is that OK?”
“No. Sorry. Chris and I are throwing Bobby a going-away-again-party.”
“Chris?”
“Chris Benoit. He’s my boyfriend.” [my characters are the worst communicators ever.]
“Oh. How ‘bout Saturday?”
“Fine with me.”
“We’re at the Capri Hotel. Know where it is?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. See you then.”
“Rick?”
“Yeah, Angie?”
“Give Mr. P. my phone number, will you?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks. Bye, Rick.”
“Seeya Angie.”
NOTES
1) So Angel’s Best Friend Ever, Mr. P., doesn’t even have her phone number??? No wonder it’s such a tragedy when people move. Out of sight, out of contact. Except for Rick Steiner, who calls Angel all the time so that she can talk some AngelSense into Young Scott’s life. What a good friend. Who apparently doesn’t even know that Angel has been dating Chris for several chapters now.
2) Could there have been less action in this chapter?
3) What is Marie’s deal, you ask? Why is she sending stupid letters to Angel? Remember, sending letters is her m.o. Too bad this one didn’t have anthrax inside it. I’ve heard that Angel was allergic to that. Anyhoo, don’t worry. We haven’t heard the last from Angel’s arch nemesis.
COMING UP NEXT:
Bobby seems upset but won't tell anyone why and Angel and Dustin talk about sex. Hawt. Join us next time for ...
Chapter 30: Something's On His Mind
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Chapter 15: Letting Go
Sorry for the long break there ... coming down off of turkey and fretting about my lack of job offers and whatnot. Anyone know anyone looking to hire people who will transcribe horrible fan fiction from the early '90's? No?
Anyhoo ... we've got another crapfest on tap here. This chapter is chock-full of bizarre sanctimoniousness, insipid advice and non-confrontational confrontations. Sound enticing?
Chapter 15: Letting Go
"Hey Bob," said Chris as he entered the St. Paul Palace dressing room.
"Hey. How was your date."
"Well, it started out horrible. First I got us lost, and we had to go back to her place and order pizza, but the Pizza Parlor was closed, so she had to make sandwiches. Then, as if things weren't bad enough, I had a major allergy attack."
"From what?"
"Her cat."
"That's rough."
"You said it. Things brightened up after that, though. We stayed up and talked for about five hours [do all of my characters carry stopwatches around with them?]. Then we kissed an incredible kiss and I went home."
"That's good."
"I hope she thought so too."
-------- [woah. that was thrilling]
Angel was enjoying her day off. Being the head nurse was grueling, but rewarding.
She couldn't get Chris off of her mind. Their conversation had been terrific, but that kiss, that kiss had put him over the top.
The phone rang. She answered it. The voice on the other end was frantic and depressed [can it be both?], but unmistakible.
"Scotty? What's the matter?"
"Ang, Marie and I are back together."
"That's great! So what's wrong?"
"Last night, we went all the way." [wow. wow.]
"Really? How is Rick taking it?" [seriuosly? 1) why are you assuming he knows and 2) why are you assuming that it's any of his effing business and 3) is that seriously your first reaction? woah.]
"Oh Ang. He won't talk to me. He has no respect for me anymore. I know this might be putting you out of your way, but please, will you come talk to him?" [WTF?]
"Of course. Where are you?"
"Minneapolis. The Degado hotel. Room 614."
"I'll be there."
"Thank you. I'll never forget this, Ang."
----
Angel knocked on room 614's door. Rick Steiner opened it.
"Angie!?! What are you doing here?"
"Rick, can we talk?"
"Sure. Sit down."
They sat. "Rick, Scotty told me ..."
"Sorry, Angie, I dont' want to talk about Scott. So if Scott sent you here to do that, please leave."
"Rick, your brother loves you more than anyone in the universe."
"Sure." he said sarcastically.
"Do you know how upset he is?"
"Does he know how upset I am?"
"Yes. Rick, your respect means the world to Scott."
"Well he sure isn't earning it."
"Scott is a grown man. He can decide what he wants to do with his life." [AMEN]
"Then why didn't he come to me himself to talk?"
"Would you have listened to him?"
Rick was silent. Angel clasped his hand.
"Rick, you've got to let go of Scott. He knows what he's doing. He loves you."
Rick looked down. "It's hard to let go, Angie."
"I know."
"Where is Scotty? I want to talk to him."
"In his room." [screw carpooling, Amy - they're not even sharing hotel rooms!]
"Thank you, Angie."
Rick got up and left the room. Angel followed, but did not go into Scott's room. She told Rick to say goodbye to Scott for her, and left.
Scott was praying that Angelica got through to his brother. His prayers were answered. Rick came in and apologized and they had a long brotherly hug. His problems were over -- for now.
NOTES:
1) Wow. Y'all ... I'm sorry. That was intensely bad.
2) I can't think of a single character who doesn't need a good punch in the solar plexus. Preferably with a fist full of quarters. Isn't that what Scotty Flamingo (later Johnny Polo, later Raven) used as a weapon? I wish my last name were Flamingo.
COMING UP NEXT ...
Some super syrupy love garbage. Yes, there is mention of a moonlit beach. And oldies. And something egregious. Return if you dare for ...
Chapter 16: Deeper In Love
Anyhoo ... we've got another crapfest on tap here. This chapter is chock-full of bizarre sanctimoniousness, insipid advice and non-confrontational confrontations. Sound enticing?
Chapter 15: Letting Go
"Hey Bob," said Chris as he entered the St. Paul Palace dressing room.
"Hey. How was your date."
"Well, it started out horrible. First I got us lost, and we had to go back to her place and order pizza, but the Pizza Parlor was closed, so she had to make sandwiches. Then, as if things weren't bad enough, I had a major allergy attack."
"From what?"
"Her cat."
"That's rough."
"You said it. Things brightened up after that, though. We stayed up and talked for about five hours [do all of my characters carry stopwatches around with them?]. Then we kissed an incredible kiss and I went home."
"That's good."
"I hope she thought so too."
-------- [woah. that was thrilling]
Angel was enjoying her day off. Being the head nurse was grueling, but rewarding.
She couldn't get Chris off of her mind. Their conversation had been terrific, but that kiss, that kiss had put him over the top.
The phone rang. She answered it. The voice on the other end was frantic and depressed [can it be both?], but unmistakible.
"Scotty? What's the matter?"
"Ang, Marie and I are back together."
"That's great! So what's wrong?"
"Last night, we went all the way." [wow. wow.]
"Really? How is Rick taking it?" [seriuosly? 1) why are you assuming he knows and 2) why are you assuming that it's any of his effing business and 3) is that seriously your first reaction? woah.]
"Oh Ang. He won't talk to me. He has no respect for me anymore. I know this might be putting you out of your way, but please, will you come talk to him?" [WTF?]
"Of course. Where are you?"
"Minneapolis. The Degado hotel. Room 614."
"I'll be there."
"Thank you. I'll never forget this, Ang."
----
Angel knocked on room 614's door. Rick Steiner opened it.
"Angie!?! What are you doing here?"
"Rick, can we talk?"
"Sure. Sit down."
They sat. "Rick, Scotty told me ..."
"Sorry, Angie, I dont' want to talk about Scott. So if Scott sent you here to do that, please leave."
"Rick, your brother loves you more than anyone in the universe."
"Sure." he said sarcastically.
"Do you know how upset he is?"
"Does he know how upset I am?"
"Yes. Rick, your respect means the world to Scott."
"Well he sure isn't earning it."
"Scott is a grown man. He can decide what he wants to do with his life." [AMEN]
"Then why didn't he come to me himself to talk?"
"Would you have listened to him?"
Rick was silent. Angel clasped his hand.
"Rick, you've got to let go of Scott. He knows what he's doing. He loves you."
Rick looked down. "It's hard to let go, Angie."
"I know."
"Where is Scotty? I want to talk to him."
"In his room." [screw carpooling, Amy - they're not even sharing hotel rooms!]
"Thank you, Angie."
Rick got up and left the room. Angel followed, but did not go into Scott's room. She told Rick to say goodbye to Scott for her, and left.
Scott was praying that Angelica got through to his brother. His prayers were answered. Rick came in and apologized and they had a long brotherly hug. His problems were over -- for now.
NOTES:
1) Wow. Y'all ... I'm sorry. That was intensely bad.
2) I can't think of a single character who doesn't need a good punch in the solar plexus. Preferably with a fist full of quarters. Isn't that what Scotty Flamingo (later Johnny Polo, later Raven) used as a weapon? I wish my last name were Flamingo.
COMING UP NEXT ...
Some super syrupy love garbage. Yes, there is mention of a moonlit beach. And oldies. And something egregious. Return if you dare for ...
Chapter 16: Deeper In Love
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Chapter 13: Marie
While things are looking potentially sunny for Angel on the romance front, I'm sure we all recall the tension in Scott Steiner's love life. He and his girlfriend Marie got into a huge fight and if it weren't for Angel's sage wisdom, he'd probably have dissolved into a puddle of tears. So what does fate have in store for Scott and Marie? Read on, fearless audience. Read on.
Chapter 13: Marie
The phone in Rick and Scott Steiner's home rang twice before Scott could pick it up. He expected it to be Crystal, his sister [?], but it wasn't.
"Scotty?"
"Marie?"
They both began to speak at the same time.
"Scott, I'm ..."
"Marie, Let's ..."
"You first."
"No, you."
"Ok. Scotty, please forgive me. I can't live without you. I acted like a jerk, exploding at you like that. It was just that ... "
"I know Marie. If I were you, I'd be fed up with me too. I'll try to stop doing it, I promise. [uhm, that's the opposite of the problem, Scott.] Life without you has been sheer hell."
"Come over tonight."
"Sure. I'm free at nine."
"I'll be ready."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Scotty hung up feeling like his heart would burst. He had never been so happy. Marie was his again.
"What was that all about?" asked Rick, entering the living room.
"It was Marie. I've got a date for tonight."
"Wow. What a co-inky-dink, me too."
"With who? Carla?"
"No. We broke it off. Janie's my date [that's an oblique reference to Dion's song "The Wanderer." Soooo lame]. Black hair, grey eyes."
"Gees! You go through girls faster than water."
"Hey, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
"I guess."
"I know." said Rick, opening the door. Both Steiners left for their matches.
As Scott drove to the Lansing Coluseum, he wondered how he would be able to break the news to Rick. He didn't know if he'd be able to stop himself and Marie from going too far.
NOTES:
1) Break the news to Rick? How about telling him to mind his own freaking business. It's your life, dude. And at least you're in a committed (?), loving (?) relationship. He's apparantly a serial dater whose main goal is to prevent his adult brother from having sex? WTF?
2) Yes, this chapter was lame. But it advances an important plot point: Marie and Scott are back together again. What's that? You didn't care one lick about Smarie? I can't imagine why.
Well ... speaking of dynamic relationships ... what's going on with Chris and Angel? I think the next chapter, "Chris and Angel" will touch on that subject. So tune in next time for ... Chapter 14: Chris and Angel. BONUS: The triumphant return of the beloved allergy trope.
Chapter 13: Marie
The phone in Rick and Scott Steiner's home rang twice before Scott could pick it up. He expected it to be Crystal, his sister [?], but it wasn't.
"Scotty?"
"Marie?"
They both began to speak at the same time.
"Scott, I'm ..."
"Marie, Let's ..."
"You first."
"No, you."
"Ok. Scotty, please forgive me. I can't live without you. I acted like a jerk, exploding at you like that. It was just that ... "
"I know Marie. If I were you, I'd be fed up with me too. I'll try to stop doing it, I promise. [uhm, that's the opposite of the problem, Scott.] Life without you has been sheer hell."
"Come over tonight."
"Sure. I'm free at nine."
"I'll be ready."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Scotty hung up feeling like his heart would burst. He had never been so happy. Marie was his again.
"What was that all about?" asked Rick, entering the living room.
"It was Marie. I've got a date for tonight."
"Wow. What a co-inky-dink, me too."
"With who? Carla?"
"No. We broke it off. Janie's my date [that's an oblique reference to Dion's song "The Wanderer." Soooo lame]. Black hair, grey eyes."
"Gees! You go through girls faster than water."
"Hey, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
"I guess."
"I know." said Rick, opening the door. Both Steiners left for their matches.
As Scott drove to the Lansing Coluseum, he wondered how he would be able to break the news to Rick. He didn't know if he'd be able to stop himself and Marie from going too far.
NOTES:
1) Break the news to Rick? How about telling him to mind his own freaking business. It's your life, dude. And at least you're in a committed (?), loving (?) relationship. He's apparantly a serial dater whose main goal is to prevent his adult brother from having sex? WTF?
2) Yes, this chapter was lame. But it advances an important plot point: Marie and Scott are back together again. What's that? You didn't care one lick about Smarie? I can't imagine why.
Well ... speaking of dynamic relationships ... what's going on with Chris and Angel? I think the next chapter, "Chris and Angel" will touch on that subject. So tune in next time for ... Chapter 14: Chris and Angel. BONUS: The triumphant return of the beloved allergy trope.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Chapter 11: Rick and Scott's Party
USA had a Monday Night Raw 800th episode special on last night. Good stuff! Got to see clips of all my old faves from back in 1993, not to mention a chance to check out Cody Rhodes. Dustin's little bro has some killer abs, y'all.
Moving right along!
Here comes an amazing display of needless moralizing to what was an audience of uno (me), not to mention another glimpse into the world's lamest party scene ... someone get some milk for Angel's cookies, it's ...
Chapter 14: Rick and Scott's Party
Angel arrived at the party a little after 5:00 PM. She was wearing a wine colored silk blouse and a black miniskirt [WHAT?!? That trollop!]. She pulled her shining hair into a long braid.
Sting greeted her and his eyes lit up when he saw the cookies she'd brought. [ahem]
When she stepped inside, she immediately noticed that it was smaller than the last bash. She knew everyone there, Ricky Steamboat, Dustin Rhodes, Missy Hyatt, and Ron Simmons. "Where are the Steiners?" she asked Sting after greeting everyone.
"In the kitchen. Scotty wanted to use the phone for a sec."
They came out and when they saw her both of their faces shiowed happy recongition.
"Angie! It's been too long!"
"Hi, Ang."
She hugged them both and congratulated them. "Thanks Angie. Speaking of congratulations, did you hear about Dustin?"
Angel nodded. "Isn't it wonderful? I'm so happy for him."
Sting and Missy were chatting while the others were listening to Dustin talk about his fiance [zzzzz]. Rick went over to join them, but Scott said that he wanted to hang back. Angel decided to keep him company.
"Hey, I heard about you and Marcus."
"Who hasn't?" she half-smiled.
"I didn't think he was that sort of person. How are you doing?" he asked as they sat on a couch.
"I'm much better, thanks. I guess I've gotten over it. I'll never forgive him, though. He hurt me pretty bad."
Scott looked down at the floor. Angel touched his huge shoulder lightly.
"Scott, are you allright?" He sat up and nodded. A rap song came on. Angel wrinkled her nose. Scott saw this and smiled. "Don't like rap?"
She shook her head. "I love doo-wop. 'Tonite, Tonite' by the Mello-Kings is my favorite. Or mabye the 5 Satins with 'In the Still of the Night'." [rock on, young me, rock on.]
Scott hung his head again, and then put his face in his hands [here we go!].
"What did I say? What's wrong, Scotty?" she asked gently.
He sat up again, this time drawing in a long breath. He took his face from his hands and apologized. "I'm just having some problems with my girlfriend and 'In the Still of the Nite" by Boyz II Men is our song. Or maybe it's 'was' our song." He drew in another breath.
"If you want to talk to someone about it, I'm here."
"Thanks, Ang. It's easy to talk to a brother like Rick because he's my best friend, but this subject is very hard to discuss with him. I think I do need to talk to you. It's hard to talk to Sting or Dustin because we're so far apart most of the time." [as opposed to Angel, who lives in his garage?]
"Go ahead when you're ready."
"Well this whole fight is about one thing. This may sound silly, but I don't want to have sex until I'm married."
"That's not silly. I feel the same way."
"Really? We're a dying breed, Ang." [maybe because you're not reproducing?]
"I know. I'll respect whatever other people feel, but I suppose I'm kind of old fashioned. It's kind of a morality issue, I guess."
"I sure wish Marie felt that way, you see, every time we start getting a little too far too fast, I'd stop and ask her to slow down. I guess I did that one too many times last night, because she told me I had stepped over the line. Then she screamed at me to get out and leave her forever. I must have sat and cried for six hours last night. I love her so much. Life without her has become unbearable, oh god, here I go again." he said as a tear rolled down hes cheeck. [about time] Angel picked up his hand and squoze it.
"Why can't you talk to your brother about this?"
"Well, he made a mistake a long time ago, and doesn't want his little brother to make the same mistake [huh?]. Every time Marie and I start up, I get one step closer to losing my virginity. If Rick knew that, he'd lose all respect towards me." [!!!]
"Your borther's respect means a lot to you, doesn't it?"
He nodded.
"Scotty, did Marie love you."
"That's what she told me, why?"
"Well, I'll bet she's feeling as sad as you are right now. She was probably upset last night, but deply regretting what she said to you now."
"You really think so?"
"Yes. Love is the strongest force on earth, and you and Marie have plenty of it. You'll pull together."
"Ang, you're an inspiration and a good friend. Thank you." he gave her a hug.
Scotty went over to talk to Dustin. She was about to go join him when Missy Hyatt stopped her. "Hi Missy."
"Hi Angel. Look, I want to apoligize to you. I've been acting pretty rotton to you lately."
"Thanks, Missy. That's allright."
"Can you beileve what that Creep Marcus Bagwell did to us? Got your eyes on anyone else?"
"Not yet."
"Well stay away from Johnny Gunn. He's mine."
"No problem."
"See ya later!" she bubbled.
Wait till Madusa hears this! [hears what?] thought Angel as she walked over to Dustin, Rick, and Scott. They talked for a while, then Dustin had to elave. He said good-bye to everyone and congratulated his friends tha Steiners, who congratulated him back. Soon after that, the party ended. Angel and the Steiners traded phone numbers so they could stay in touch. Sting thanked her for the cookies and she thanked him for inviting her [compelling drama here].
As angel drove home, she felt better than she had felt in a long time. She hoped this happy streak would last.
NOTES
1) Let me just tell you how convinced I was that Boyz II Men's rendition of "In the Still of the Night" was going to get my generation into oldies: super convinced. Oh well. And maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but I still think the 5 Satins' version is better.
2) So apparantly, Scott is of the same mindset as our pristine Angel when it comes to amorous relations. I really don't know who is the most ridiculous when it comes to sex: Angel, Scott, or Rick. Ok, yes I do: it's Rick. Angel's at least got her weird notion of "morality," which makes zero sense to me, because it doesn't seem like her "morality" derives from any sort of religious ideal or, say, the fact that she has some sort of super-communicable STI that can be spread even with condoms. I mean, if you don't want to have sex before you get married, whatever, that's cool, but saying it's because of "morality" really doesn't explain anything, unless, of course, you're 13 and don't know how to understand or express your burgeoning ideas about sexuality, so you make your fan fiction characters equally clueless. Aaaanyhoo, Rick is out of control obsessed with Scott's sex life. Maybe if Scott were, like, a teenager? But they're two grown men! Yikes! WTF is your problem, Rick? You're seriously creepy. Scott, man, make your own decisions!
3) Marie sounds pretty intense. Hmm ... Marie ... where have we heard that name before?????
4) Angel gives the dumbest advice ever. I'm pretty sure you could get more insight from a dollar store greeting card.
5) Why isn't Alex invited to any parties? Or any other girls, for that matter?
Wow. Ok.
So Angel seems like she's in a pretty good place right now. She's getting cried on left and right, she's buried the hatchet with Missy Hyatt. But you know what she's missing? That's right .... lurv! Will she find it when she meets ... Chapter 12 - Bobby's New Partner? Tune in next time to find out!
Moving right along!
Here comes an amazing display of needless moralizing to what was an audience of uno (me), not to mention another glimpse into the world's lamest party scene ... someone get some milk for Angel's cookies, it's ...
Chapter 14: Rick and Scott's Party
Angel arrived at the party a little after 5:00 PM. She was wearing a wine colored silk blouse and a black miniskirt [WHAT?!? That trollop!]. She pulled her shining hair into a long braid.
Sting greeted her and his eyes lit up when he saw the cookies she'd brought. [ahem]
When she stepped inside, she immediately noticed that it was smaller than the last bash. She knew everyone there, Ricky Steamboat, Dustin Rhodes, Missy Hyatt, and Ron Simmons. "Where are the Steiners?" she asked Sting after greeting everyone.
"In the kitchen. Scotty wanted to use the phone for a sec."
They came out and when they saw her both of their faces shiowed happy recongition.
"Angie! It's been too long!"
"Hi, Ang."
She hugged them both and congratulated them. "Thanks Angie. Speaking of congratulations, did you hear about Dustin?"
Angel nodded. "Isn't it wonderful? I'm so happy for him."
Sting and Missy were chatting while the others were listening to Dustin talk about his fiance [zzzzz]. Rick went over to join them, but Scott said that he wanted to hang back. Angel decided to keep him company.
"Hey, I heard about you and Marcus."
"Who hasn't?" she half-smiled.
"I didn't think he was that sort of person. How are you doing?" he asked as they sat on a couch.
"I'm much better, thanks. I guess I've gotten over it. I'll never forgive him, though. He hurt me pretty bad."
Scott looked down at the floor. Angel touched his huge shoulder lightly.
"Scott, are you allright?" He sat up and nodded. A rap song came on. Angel wrinkled her nose. Scott saw this and smiled. "Don't like rap?"
She shook her head. "I love doo-wop. 'Tonite, Tonite' by the Mello-Kings is my favorite. Or mabye the 5 Satins with 'In the Still of the Night'." [rock on, young me, rock on.]
Scott hung his head again, and then put his face in his hands [here we go!].
"What did I say? What's wrong, Scotty?" she asked gently.
He sat up again, this time drawing in a long breath. He took his face from his hands and apologized. "I'm just having some problems with my girlfriend and 'In the Still of the Nite" by Boyz II Men is our song. Or maybe it's 'was' our song." He drew in another breath.
"If you want to talk to someone about it, I'm here."
"Thanks, Ang. It's easy to talk to a brother like Rick because he's my best friend, but this subject is very hard to discuss with him. I think I do need to talk to you. It's hard to talk to Sting or Dustin because we're so far apart most of the time." [as opposed to Angel, who lives in his garage?]
"Go ahead when you're ready."
"Well this whole fight is about one thing. This may sound silly, but I don't want to have sex until I'm married."
"That's not silly. I feel the same way."
"Really? We're a dying breed, Ang." [maybe because you're not reproducing?]
"I know. I'll respect whatever other people feel, but I suppose I'm kind of old fashioned. It's kind of a morality issue, I guess."
"I sure wish Marie felt that way, you see, every time we start getting a little too far too fast, I'd stop and ask her to slow down. I guess I did that one too many times last night, because she told me I had stepped over the line. Then she screamed at me to get out and leave her forever. I must have sat and cried for six hours last night. I love her so much. Life without her has become unbearable, oh god, here I go again." he said as a tear rolled down hes cheeck. [about time] Angel picked up his hand and squoze it.
"Why can't you talk to your brother about this?"
"Well, he made a mistake a long time ago, and doesn't want his little brother to make the same mistake [huh?]. Every time Marie and I start up, I get one step closer to losing my virginity. If Rick knew that, he'd lose all respect towards me." [!!!]
"Your borther's respect means a lot to you, doesn't it?"
He nodded.
"Scotty, did Marie love you."
"That's what she told me, why?"
"Well, I'll bet she's feeling as sad as you are right now. She was probably upset last night, but deply regretting what she said to you now."
"You really think so?"
"Yes. Love is the strongest force on earth, and you and Marie have plenty of it. You'll pull together."
"Ang, you're an inspiration and a good friend. Thank you." he gave her a hug.
Scotty went over to talk to Dustin. She was about to go join him when Missy Hyatt stopped her. "Hi Missy."
"Hi Angel. Look, I want to apoligize to you. I've been acting pretty rotton to you lately."
"Thanks, Missy. That's allright."
"Can you beileve what that Creep Marcus Bagwell did to us? Got your eyes on anyone else?"
"Not yet."
"Well stay away from Johnny Gunn. He's mine."
"No problem."
"See ya later!" she bubbled.
Wait till Madusa hears this! [hears what?] thought Angel as she walked over to Dustin, Rick, and Scott. They talked for a while, then Dustin had to elave. He said good-bye to everyone and congratulated his friends tha Steiners, who congratulated him back. Soon after that, the party ended. Angel and the Steiners traded phone numbers so they could stay in touch. Sting thanked her for the cookies and she thanked him for inviting her [compelling drama here].
As angel drove home, she felt better than she had felt in a long time. She hoped this happy streak would last.
NOTES
1) Let me just tell you how convinced I was that Boyz II Men's rendition of "In the Still of the Night" was going to get my generation into oldies: super convinced. Oh well. And maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but I still think the 5 Satins' version is better.
2) So apparantly, Scott is of the same mindset as our pristine Angel when it comes to amorous relations. I really don't know who is the most ridiculous when it comes to sex: Angel, Scott, or Rick. Ok, yes I do: it's Rick. Angel's at least got her weird notion of "morality," which makes zero sense to me, because it doesn't seem like her "morality" derives from any sort of religious ideal or, say, the fact that she has some sort of super-communicable STI that can be spread even with condoms. I mean, if you don't want to have sex before you get married, whatever, that's cool, but saying it's because of "morality" really doesn't explain anything, unless, of course, you're 13 and don't know how to understand or express your burgeoning ideas about sexuality, so you make your fan fiction characters equally clueless. Aaaanyhoo, Rick is out of control obsessed with Scott's sex life. Maybe if Scott were, like, a teenager? But they're two grown men! Yikes! WTF is your problem, Rick? You're seriously creepy. Scott, man, make your own decisions!
3) Marie sounds pretty intense. Hmm ... Marie ... where have we heard that name before?????
4) Angel gives the dumbest advice ever. I'm pretty sure you could get more insight from a dollar store greeting card.
5) Why isn't Alex invited to any parties? Or any other girls, for that matter?
Wow. Ok.
So Angel seems like she's in a pretty good place right now. She's getting cried on left and right, she's buried the hatchet with Missy Hyatt. But you know what she's missing? That's right .... lurv! Will she find it when she meets ... Chapter 12 - Bobby's New Partner? Tune in next time to find out!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Chapter 3: Sting’s Party
Welcome back to another action-packed chapter of the life and times of the world's least interesting protagonist. Hold on to your red bell peppers, it's ...
Chapter 3: Sting’s Party
Although Angelica hardly ever fussed about what to wear [which nurse’s uniform is a purer white?], she found herself doing just that now. She had never been on the cutting edge of fashion, she always just bought comfortable clothes she thought looked nice on her. [what an iconoclast]
She finally settled on an apricot tee-shirt with a slight v-neck, and black denim shorts. She tucked the shirt into the shorts and puffed it out. She left on her pair of white open toe sandals and tied her hair into a French braid. [HAWT]
She seldom wore makeup, but when she was little, she had to wear nail polish to stop her from biting her fingernails. Even though she was completely over that habit, Angel still liked to paint her fingernails, and sometimes her toenails too. She removed all of the neon–green nailpolish she had applied on her fingernails and put on some clear. After a final check in her half-length mirror, she was ready to go. [woman, a full-length mirror would have perhaps convinced you to change your shoes, at the very least]
When she arrived at the party, the music was on loud. She wrinkled her nose in distaste. She didn’t like modern music at all [autobiography, here we go]. Doo-wop was her thing. She’d take the Mello-Kings or the Passions over the Red Hot Something Peppers or that guy, Iced Tea, or Lemonade, or whoever.
Sting answered the doorbell. When she looked in she recognized a few faces. Dustin Rhodes, Missy Hyatt, Marc Bagwell, and Ron Simmons. Oh, there was 2 Cold Scorpio!
“Hi Sting!” she said, handing him a box and hugging him.
“Hi Angel. Glad you could make it! What’s in the box?” he inquired, shaking it.
“Chocolate chip cookies. Hope you don’t mind. I baked them this afternoon.”
“Thanks a lot. I’m sure they’re delicious.” He said happily. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I had a home made chocolate chip cookie” [me either. Mmm.]
He led her into the party and introduced her to the people she didn’t know. The last people they came to were Rick and Scott, the Steiner Brothers.
“Rick, Scott, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Angelica Kerris, and if you’ll excuse me, the chips need refilling. See ya later.”
“So, Angelica, what do you do in the WCW?” asked Scott.
“I’m a first-aid nurse. I used to work in the WWF, but, uh …. I ran into some …. uh, problems.”
“Got a nickname, Angelica?”
“Angel.”
“Can I call you Angie?” asked Rick.
“Sure.” She said smiling. She looked at them both. She had seen them before, in pictures and on TV, but in person, they were incredible. Scot was tall and very muscular. He had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. His older brother, Rick, was a little bit shorter and stouter. He had brown eyes and short brown hair. He had a moustache that extended down to the base of his chin. They were both clad and T-shirts and jeans, but Rick was also wearing one of those headbands that had springy antennae on them. [oh, what a nut!]. Both seemed nice.
Scott thought that Angelica, no, he’d call her Ang, was very pretty, Nice figure, gorgeous blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair. If he didn’t already have a girlfriend …… stop thinking that, Scott, he told himself. Do you want this thing to work out with Marie or not?
Unlike Scott, Rick took his first impressions of people from their personalities. Rick thought that Angie was pretty friendly, although she was a bit … normal. Wait a minute … scratch that …
“Hey, great toenail polish.” He said sincerely.
Quickly, Angel looked down at her feet. She was still wearing her neon green toenail polish! [OMG! party fowl!]
“Oh … uh, thanks. I didn’t quite plan to be wearing it, but thanks anyway.”
“Hey, it’s you, Angie.” He said, laughing.
Scott rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you guys around later.” He said.
“Where ya goin’ Scotty?” asked Rick.
“I’m just gonna mingle for a while” he said, walking away.
“Hey, here comes Dustin!”
Dustin Rhodes walked up to both of them. His blonde hair was combed back. His blue eyes glittered. Jeans and a T-shirt covered his muscular, yet lanky figure.
“Hey Rick, hey Angel.” He gave Rick a quick hug and bent over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Rick raised his eyebrows. Angel elbowed him and giggled. “I see you two have met.”
“Yeah. Hey, Sorry to cut this conversation short, but I’m gonna find Scott. Catch you guys later.”
“Bye!” said Angel. It was amazing. She had just met him about ten minutes ago and she already felt like an old friend. [huh?]
“Angel, can we go and talk somewhere?”
“Sure, Dustin, is everything ok?”
“Well, not really.” [uh oh … I smell something that rhymes with flegregious flying] They both walked to a couch in a corner away from the loud noise of the party. “You see, I’ve gotta talk about it to someone, or I feel like I’m going to explode. You understand?” They sat down.
“I’ve got the same feelings. So what’s wrong?”
“Well,” he said with a sigh, “You probably know by now that Barry [that’s his tag team partner, Barry Windham] and I have been going through some rough times. We’ve had our share of fights before, and some of them were pretty bad, but we always seemed to bounce back from them. This time, though, we’re not bouncing very well. The fights just get worse and worse. We can hardly look at e ach other without one of us starting something up. It hasn’t gotten physical, but I’m really afraid that one day it might. Barry and I were closer than brothers. I don’t’ want to see our friendship end like this. to think of all the good times we’ve had …” he looked off and his eyes clouded with tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Said Angel, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Dustin, your friendship with Barry isn’t over. Something is bound to happen to change things.” She said softly.
“You’re right, Angel, I just hope that that something isn’t bad.” He hugged her and thanked her, and then went off to see if Scorpio wanted to give him that dance lesson he had promised now [good golly]. Somehow, Angel just couldn’t picture Dustin dancing like 2 Cold Scorpio.
Meanwhile, Rick had finally caught up with Scotty. He was in the kitchen, on the telephone. Rick caught up the tail end of their conversation.
“Marie … Marie, stop it! You know how I …. Fine then! Allright … me too … OK bye.”
“You guys get into another fight?” Asked Rick, spring antennae bobbing.
“Yeah” Scott said shaking his head and exhaling in disgust. “I just called her to ask her what time to pick her up and we got into that!”
“What do you mean? What were you two fighting about?”
“Oh nothing that big,” he said quickly.
Angel decided to check out the munchies. She grabbed a red bell pepper stick. They were her favorite veggie. Oh wait, they had seeds. They were a fruit. While she thought about it, Missy Hyatt came up to the table to grab some Chips.
“Hi Missy.” Angel said.
“Oh … hi.” Said an unethused and frosty-sounding Missy Hyatt. She quickly moved away from Angel. Geez! What’s with her? She thought. Marcus was walking towards her.
“Hey, Angel. Come here often?” asked Marc in his rich, melodious voice. She was so beautiful, especially tonight. Her outfit hugged every curve [?!? She’s wearing a t-shirt tucked into black denim shorts!]. Her long legs tapered into white sandals and …
“Hey … nice toenail polish” he said sarcastically.
“Thanks” she said sourly. She looked down at her watch and frowned. “Sorry to cut this short, Marc, but Bill Watts wants me at the Missouri Omni by 7:00 and if I’m gonna make it there, I’d better leave now.”
“Wait—before you go. There’s something I’ve got to give you.”
He drew her near to him and kissed her passionately.
“Bye.” He said.
“See you later!” said Angel. That was one of the most incredible moments of my life, thought Angel as she said goodbye to everyone. Marcus prayed that Missy didn’t see that. She’d kill him! [dunt dunt DUNNNN!]
NOTES:
1) when will Angel stop marveling over the fact that the wrestlers she meets are muscular? They’re EFFING WRESTLERS.
2) Scott has a girlfriend named Marie … hmm … where have we read that name before? Look out, Scott!
3) What kind of a craptacular party was this? There are chips, cookies, and red bell peppers, but no booze. Also, it’s in full swing well before 7 PM? This sounds like a birthday party for … wait for it … a middle schooler. I was so lame that I couldn’t even imagine parties cooler than the ones I’d been to in seventh grade. Actually, now that I think about it, I got invited to some rockin’ bar mitzvahs that put Sting’s fete to shame. Shout out to Adam Glassman … yours was the best. Here’s to hoping that your name is common enough that no one googles you and comes across this page. Potential employers of Adam Glassman, please know that he’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and you should totally hire him even though he invited the author of this pabulum to his bar mitzvah.
COMING UP NEXT: Angel and Bobby have a hideously boring conversation in which we learn more of her fascinating backstory and she rewrites history a little bit. Dustin treats us to an extended monologue in which he discusses the details of his troubles with Barry. Odds of him holding himself together enough to manage not to cry: 0 to 1. Join us next time for …. Chapter 4: The Omni
Chapter 3: Sting’s Party
Although Angelica hardly ever fussed about what to wear [which nurse’s uniform is a purer white?], she found herself doing just that now. She had never been on the cutting edge of fashion, she always just bought comfortable clothes she thought looked nice on her. [what an iconoclast]
She finally settled on an apricot tee-shirt with a slight v-neck, and black denim shorts. She tucked the shirt into the shorts and puffed it out. She left on her pair of white open toe sandals and tied her hair into a French braid. [HAWT]
She seldom wore makeup, but when she was little, she had to wear nail polish to stop her from biting her fingernails. Even though she was completely over that habit, Angel still liked to paint her fingernails, and sometimes her toenails too. She removed all of the neon–green nailpolish she had applied on her fingernails and put on some clear. After a final check in her half-length mirror, she was ready to go. [woman, a full-length mirror would have perhaps convinced you to change your shoes, at the very least]
When she arrived at the party, the music was on loud. She wrinkled her nose in distaste. She didn’t like modern music at all [autobiography, here we go]. Doo-wop was her thing. She’d take the Mello-Kings or the Passions over the Red Hot Something Peppers or that guy, Iced Tea, or Lemonade, or whoever.
Sting answered the doorbell. When she looked in she recognized a few faces. Dustin Rhodes, Missy Hyatt, Marc Bagwell, and Ron Simmons. Oh, there was 2 Cold Scorpio!
“Hi Sting!” she said, handing him a box and hugging him.
“Hi Angel. Glad you could make it! What’s in the box?” he inquired, shaking it.
“Chocolate chip cookies. Hope you don’t mind. I baked them this afternoon.”
“Thanks a lot. I’m sure they’re delicious.” He said happily. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I had a home made chocolate chip cookie” [me either. Mmm.]
He led her into the party and introduced her to the people she didn’t know. The last people they came to were Rick and Scott, the Steiner Brothers.
“Rick, Scott, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Angelica Kerris, and if you’ll excuse me, the chips need refilling. See ya later.”
“So, Angelica, what do you do in the WCW?” asked Scott.
“I’m a first-aid nurse. I used to work in the WWF, but, uh …. I ran into some …. uh, problems.”
“Got a nickname, Angelica?”
“Angel.”
“Can I call you Angie?” asked Rick.
“Sure.” She said smiling. She looked at them both. She had seen them before, in pictures and on TV, but in person, they were incredible. Scot was tall and very muscular. He had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. His older brother, Rick, was a little bit shorter and stouter. He had brown eyes and short brown hair. He had a moustache that extended down to the base of his chin. They were both clad and T-shirts and jeans, but Rick was also wearing one of those headbands that had springy antennae on them. [oh, what a nut!]. Both seemed nice.
Scott thought that Angelica, no, he’d call her Ang, was very pretty, Nice figure, gorgeous blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair. If he didn’t already have a girlfriend …… stop thinking that, Scott, he told himself. Do you want this thing to work out with Marie or not?
Unlike Scott, Rick took his first impressions of people from their personalities. Rick thought that Angie was pretty friendly, although she was a bit … normal. Wait a minute … scratch that …
“Hey, great toenail polish.” He said sincerely.
Quickly, Angel looked down at her feet. She was still wearing her neon green toenail polish! [OMG! party fowl!]
“Oh … uh, thanks. I didn’t quite plan to be wearing it, but thanks anyway.”
“Hey, it’s you, Angie.” He said, laughing.
Scott rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you guys around later.” He said.
“Where ya goin’ Scotty?” asked Rick.
“I’m just gonna mingle for a while” he said, walking away.
“Hey, here comes Dustin!”
Dustin Rhodes walked up to both of them. His blonde hair was combed back. His blue eyes glittered. Jeans and a T-shirt covered his muscular, yet lanky figure.
“Hey Rick, hey Angel.” He gave Rick a quick hug and bent over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Rick raised his eyebrows. Angel elbowed him and giggled. “I see you two have met.”
“Yeah. Hey, Sorry to cut this conversation short, but I’m gonna find Scott. Catch you guys later.”
“Bye!” said Angel. It was amazing. She had just met him about ten minutes ago and she already felt like an old friend. [huh?]
“Angel, can we go and talk somewhere?”
“Sure, Dustin, is everything ok?”
“Well, not really.” [uh oh … I smell something that rhymes with flegregious flying] They both walked to a couch in a corner away from the loud noise of the party. “You see, I’ve gotta talk about it to someone, or I feel like I’m going to explode. You understand?” They sat down.
“I’ve got the same feelings. So what’s wrong?”
“Well,” he said with a sigh, “You probably know by now that Barry [that’s his tag team partner, Barry Windham] and I have been going through some rough times. We’ve had our share of fights before, and some of them were pretty bad, but we always seemed to bounce back from them. This time, though, we’re not bouncing very well. The fights just get worse and worse. We can hardly look at e ach other without one of us starting something up. It hasn’t gotten physical, but I’m really afraid that one day it might. Barry and I were closer than brothers. I don’t’ want to see our friendship end like this. to think of all the good times we’ve had …” he looked off and his eyes clouded with tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Said Angel, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Dustin, your friendship with Barry isn’t over. Something is bound to happen to change things.” She said softly.
“You’re right, Angel, I just hope that that something isn’t bad.” He hugged her and thanked her, and then went off to see if Scorpio wanted to give him that dance lesson he had promised now [good golly]. Somehow, Angel just couldn’t picture Dustin dancing like 2 Cold Scorpio.
Meanwhile, Rick had finally caught up with Scotty. He was in the kitchen, on the telephone. Rick caught up the tail end of their conversation.
“Marie … Marie, stop it! You know how I …. Fine then! Allright … me too … OK bye.”
“You guys get into another fight?” Asked Rick, spring antennae bobbing.
“Yeah” Scott said shaking his head and exhaling in disgust. “I just called her to ask her what time to pick her up and we got into that!”
“What do you mean? What were you two fighting about?”
“Oh nothing that big,” he said quickly.
Angel decided to check out the munchies. She grabbed a red bell pepper stick. They were her favorite veggie. Oh wait, they had seeds. They were a fruit. While she thought about it, Missy Hyatt came up to the table to grab some Chips.
“Hi Missy.” Angel said.
“Oh … hi.” Said an unethused and frosty-sounding Missy Hyatt. She quickly moved away from Angel. Geez! What’s with her? She thought. Marcus was walking towards her.
“Hey, Angel. Come here often?” asked Marc in his rich, melodious voice. She was so beautiful, especially tonight. Her outfit hugged every curve [?!? She’s wearing a t-shirt tucked into black denim shorts!]. Her long legs tapered into white sandals and …
“Hey … nice toenail polish” he said sarcastically.
“Thanks” she said sourly. She looked down at her watch and frowned. “Sorry to cut this short, Marc, but Bill Watts wants me at the Missouri Omni by 7:00 and if I’m gonna make it there, I’d better leave now.”
“Wait—before you go. There’s something I’ve got to give you.”
He drew her near to him and kissed her passionately.
“Bye.” He said.
“See you later!” said Angel. That was one of the most incredible moments of my life, thought Angel as she said goodbye to everyone. Marcus prayed that Missy didn’t see that. She’d kill him! [dunt dunt DUNNNN!]
NOTES:
1) when will Angel stop marveling over the fact that the wrestlers she meets are muscular? They’re EFFING WRESTLERS.
2) Scott has a girlfriend named Marie … hmm … where have we read that name before? Look out, Scott!
3) What kind of a craptacular party was this? There are chips, cookies, and red bell peppers, but no booze. Also, it’s in full swing well before 7 PM? This sounds like a birthday party for … wait for it … a middle schooler. I was so lame that I couldn’t even imagine parties cooler than the ones I’d been to in seventh grade. Actually, now that I think about it, I got invited to some rockin’ bar mitzvahs that put Sting’s fete to shame. Shout out to Adam Glassman … yours was the best. Here’s to hoping that your name is common enough that no one googles you and comes across this page. Potential employers of Adam Glassman, please know that he’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and you should totally hire him even though he invited the author of this pabulum to his bar mitzvah.
COMING UP NEXT: Angel and Bobby have a hideously boring conversation in which we learn more of her fascinating backstory and she rewrites history a little bit. Dustin treats us to an extended monologue in which he discusses the details of his troubles with Barry. Odds of him holding himself together enough to manage not to cry: 0 to 1. Join us next time for …. Chapter 4: The Omni
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