Dissertation: DONE! That's right, ladies and gents. If all goes well, by this time a week from now, you can call me Dr. Fuzzy Octopus. (note: Please do. It'll make the last 8 years seem somehow worth it.)
Well then ... this calls for a celebration ... and I know just the thing: a 100% Angel-free chapter! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Enjoy!:
Chapter 64: Violet’s Dilemma
Chris and Angel had split. Angel seemed relatively miserable for a while there, which was, of course, fabulous, but seemed to have bounced back, and that was rather distressing. On top of all of that, Chris had shown little interest in Violet herself, which left Marie feeling bored and slightly offended. There had to be something else she could do. But Chris was not particularly interesting anymore. So instead she decided to go a different route.
And when you really came down to it, she reasoned, why the hell was she interested in Angel’s leftovers? [uhm, because that’s your M.O.?] But … it would be dangerous to keep her too far away. No—best to stay informed. But being Violet wasn’t doing anything for her anymore. Time to go back—if she could.
She laughed at that thought. Of course she could. She was Marie, Nightshade, Violet. Three in one. And she knew who to call.
------------------------
Scott sat in the diner finishing his second cup of coffee. She was late. Of course she was late. What had even possessed him to agree to meet her in the first place? This was completely ridiculous. He signaled to the waitress for the check.
And then she slid into the booth across from him.
“Hey,” she said. “Sorry I’m late. I hit some traffic on the way. Scott … you look good.”
“Thanks. You too.” This was an understatement. She had a new haircut—soft layers that framed her face, [ah, the Rachel] and wore a low-cut black top that made it difficult for Scott to keep his eyes on her face.
“Thanks for meeting me here, Scott. I’m sure your gut told you not to.”
“Hey, when have I ever listened to that? What’s up, Marie?”
“How have you been?”
“Good and bad. You know. You?”
“Same.” The waitress approached with a menu. “I’ll have an earl grey tea and a grilled cheese sandwich,” [mmm, grilled cheese sandwich.] she said, waving the menu away. “Scott, I’m just going to be blunt with you, here. I miss you. I know we had issues, and they were mostly my fault—I know I had a jealous streak—but how could I not be jealous? You are an amazing man, and I was so incredibly lucky to be yours. And I was happier with you than I’ve ever been—and I haven’t been happy since we split. I don’t expect you to just drop everything and be with me now. I just wanted to tell you.”
Scott exhaled and leaned back. “Marie. Wow. That’s … that’s a lot to process. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything right now, Scott. I just wanted to tell you how I felt.”
“Ok. I appreciate that, Marie.”
The waitress brought her food. She stirred sugar into her tea.
“I dated this one guy a couple months ago. He seemed like a gem, you know? Kind, smart, friendly. Too friendly, turns out.”
“He … cheated on you?”
“Yep,” Marie said, sipping her tea. “Caught him red-handed. Had his tongue down his secretary’s throat.” [how cliché.]
“Yikes. Sorry, Marie.”
“Yeah, thanks.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with a napkin. “Guess it happens.”
“You don’t have to tell me that,” Scott said. He folded and unfolded a corner of the placemat. [don’t you love diner placemats? They always have the best local ads on them. This one in my hometown had an ad for laser hair removal that featured the vilest “before” picture ever. It was very appetizing.]
“Scott,” Marie said, reaching for his hand. A bold move, she thought, but what do you know? It worked. He let her hand cover his. “What happened?”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. [Contain the rage, Scott. Contain the rage.] “Same old story. Boy meets girl, falls for girl, girl runs into her ex-boyfriend and screws him.” [LOL. Not.]
“Ouch. Sorry, Scott. You don’t deserve that.”
Scott shrugged and picked up half of Marie’s sandwich. She grinned at him.
“Can I?”
“Scott, would I have ordered your favorite food and not expected you to snatch half of it?” [grilled cheese sandwiches are his favorite food? What about Angel’s cookies?]
He responded by taking a bite. “So what did you to? To your ex?”
“Nothing.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“He had a $200 bottle of scotch that I might have poured down the drain and replaced with apple juice.”
“That’s pretty tame for you.”
“I know. I definitely considered going the Molotov cocktail route with the scotch, but I’ve matured.” She sipped her tea.
“Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve still got an edge.”
“I’m sure you do.” He ate the rest of her sandwich.
“Hey! You’re paying for that!” she said playfully.
“Maybe I was planning on it anyway, M.” [when did he start calling her that? Or was I suddenly too lazy to write out her whole name?]
Marie smiled.
--------------------
NOTES:
1) What, exactly, was Violet's titular dilemma? She's bored? I guess that's a dilemma. Look, Vi, I don't know if you've read any of the other chapters, but hanging out with Scott is pretty much the opposite of a cure for boredom.
2) How many of you think that Rick was hiding in the booth right behind them, perhaps wearing some sort of inconspicuous disguise, such as a fedora, trenchcoat, and Groucho Marx glasses-nose-eyebrows ensemble?
3) Earl grey tea is what Captain Picard favors. I know this because my brother is quite a fan of Star Trek and any time we are out at a restaurant, he orders "Earl Grey. Hot." in a Captain Picard voice. I guess nerdiness runs in my family. To the best of my knowledge, however, he has never written Star Trek fan fiction.
COMING UP NEXT:
Oh boy! More Chris/Justina/Barry hotel shenanigans. No, not like that.
Chapter 65: Discovery
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Chapter 63: Revelation
Hi again! Obligatory apologies. But look, folks. Once this dissertation is in the bag, I'll have ass-tons of time for this. Not only this, but also video games and television and napping and other important things that I've neglected a lot lately.
So ... where were we? Ah, yes, Barry was GETTIN IT AWN in the hotel room next to Chris and Justina, who are slowly realizing that Chris is never going to get over Angel, because she is the paragon of all virtues. And blonde. For her part, Angel is juuuuust about to call Jeff Hardy. I'll bet you can't wait to see what happens when she does.
Chapter 63: Revelation
Angel had spent the better part of the weekend mulling over her conversation with Madusa. On the one hand, she had been completely right about one thing: Angel had been thinking of her virginity as a burden—something she just wanted to be rid of so that she could move on [that’s really healthy. I hope there are some impressionable young people out there reading this.] On the other hand, move on to what? To life past Chris? Angel had no doubts that her breakup with Chris was fueling this, but she didn’t think it was out of a need for revenge. This wasn’t about Chris so much as it was about herself—her ability to decide this for herself [as opposed to what? Who else is supposed to decide that for you? Oh, I already regret asking.] But Madusa was right about one thing: [you mean one thing in addition to that first thing you mentioned?] she had to tell Jeff. And sooner rather than later. No sense driving all the way down there just to have him laugh at her, or be so freaked out that he asked her to leave [clearly the reaction you should expect from somebody you plan on sleeping with.]
So she bit the bullet. She called Jeff.
“Hey Jeff. This is Angel.”
“Hey there pretty lady.” [DAYUM he is SMOOVE]
They exchanged pleasantries, made flirtatious jokes [what, we’re not privy to them? Tragic]. Jeff was so disarmingly charming that Angel almost forgot why she had called him in the first place.
“Jeff … in all seriousness, I do have one thing I wanted to tell you before I came down next week.”
“Okay.” His tone got less playful. “Shoot.”
“Well … okay … this is going to sound really crazy, I know, but it’s something you should know, and if you don’t want me to come down because it’s too much, then just say the word.”
“What is it, Angel? Oh man … you aren’t … are you married?”
“What! No!” Angel laughed. “No!”
“Thank God. Been there. That’s a mess.”
“There went one of your fifth amendments, Hardy.” She was still in semi-hysterics.
“Hey, don’t laugh! That was a bad time for me!” But he was starting to chuckle himself. [because nothing is funnier than adultery. Oh, the hilarity!]
“I’m sure,” Angel said, collecting herself. “It’s just … well … it’s pretty much the exact opposite of what I’m going to tell you.”
“You’re … not married?”
“Correct.”
“Okay …”
“And … Jeff, I’m a virgin.”
Jeff was dumbfounded.
“Hello?”
“Uh … no, still here, Angel. Sorry, you just caught me off guard there.”
“So … look. I know it’s weird, but it’s true, and I’m not telling you this because I don’t want to come down anymore. I’m telling you this because I do. I want to come down there and … be with you.”
“Wow.”
“But like I said, I know this is weird, and if it’s too much for you to handle [then I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with you anyway, so maybe I should get to know you first … oh, wait, that’s not what she said], I understand. We can call it off.”
“No … Wow. Uhm … wow. Look, I’m not gonna lie. This is a little weird. But hey, Angel, I like you, Okay? I like you. And I think it would be cool to get to know you with your clothes on.” [that’s really romantic.]
“Jeff …”
“And …” He said, anticipating her protest, “And … if you still want to when you get down here, we’ll just … take it from there, okay?”
“Okay.” Angel smiled into the phone. “Uhm … no pressure.”
Jeff laughed. “What pressure? Not like you have anyone to compare me to.” [SNAP!]
“You’re an ass,” she said dryly, still smiling.
“I can be,” he said.
“But look, I meant what I said at brunch. I really don’t want anything serious, sex or no sex.”
“Understood. And I’m with you. Or not, as the case may be.”
“Cool. I’ll see you in a week or so, Jeff.”
“Can’t wait, Angel.”
“Me either.”
NOTES:
1) I think I need a shower. Not a cold shower. One of those chemical showers you take after you’ve been contaminated by some sort of biohazard. Jefgel is so vile.
2) I know what you’re wondering: WTF was wrong with me? Yeah, I really have no answer. My best guess is that I watched a lot of Dawson’s Creek, and that show propagated some seriously unhealthy ideas of sexuality. My other guess is that even as a college student, I had no idea how adults participated in healthy intimate relationships.
Ok then. Let’s shake that one off, shall we?
Coming up next …
Oh boy! Here comes a character I’ll be you’ve almost forgotten about. Try to figure out which one in … Chapter 64: Violet’s Dilemma
So ... where were we? Ah, yes, Barry was GETTIN IT AWN in the hotel room next to Chris and Justina, who are slowly realizing that Chris is never going to get over Angel, because she is the paragon of all virtues. And blonde. For her part, Angel is juuuuust about to call Jeff Hardy. I'll bet you can't wait to see what happens when she does.
Chapter 63: Revelation
Angel had spent the better part of the weekend mulling over her conversation with Madusa. On the one hand, she had been completely right about one thing: Angel had been thinking of her virginity as a burden—something she just wanted to be rid of so that she could move on [that’s really healthy. I hope there are some impressionable young people out there reading this.] On the other hand, move on to what? To life past Chris? Angel had no doubts that her breakup with Chris was fueling this, but she didn’t think it was out of a need for revenge. This wasn’t about Chris so much as it was about herself—her ability to decide this for herself [as opposed to what? Who else is supposed to decide that for you? Oh, I already regret asking.] But Madusa was right about one thing: [you mean one thing in addition to that first thing you mentioned?] she had to tell Jeff. And sooner rather than later. No sense driving all the way down there just to have him laugh at her, or be so freaked out that he asked her to leave [clearly the reaction you should expect from somebody you plan on sleeping with.]
So she bit the bullet. She called Jeff.
“Hey Jeff. This is Angel.”
“Hey there pretty lady.” [DAYUM he is SMOOVE]
They exchanged pleasantries, made flirtatious jokes [what, we’re not privy to them? Tragic]. Jeff was so disarmingly charming that Angel almost forgot why she had called him in the first place.
“Jeff … in all seriousness, I do have one thing I wanted to tell you before I came down next week.”
“Okay.” His tone got less playful. “Shoot.”
“Well … okay … this is going to sound really crazy, I know, but it’s something you should know, and if you don’t want me to come down because it’s too much, then just say the word.”
“What is it, Angel? Oh man … you aren’t … are you married?”
“What! No!” Angel laughed. “No!”
“Thank God. Been there. That’s a mess.”
“There went one of your fifth amendments, Hardy.” She was still in semi-hysterics.
“Hey, don’t laugh! That was a bad time for me!” But he was starting to chuckle himself. [because nothing is funnier than adultery. Oh, the hilarity!]
“I’m sure,” Angel said, collecting herself. “It’s just … well … it’s pretty much the exact opposite of what I’m going to tell you.”
“You’re … not married?”
“Correct.”
“Okay …”
“And … Jeff, I’m a virgin.”
Jeff was dumbfounded.
“Hello?”
“Uh … no, still here, Angel. Sorry, you just caught me off guard there.”
“So … look. I know it’s weird, but it’s true, and I’m not telling you this because I don’t want to come down anymore. I’m telling you this because I do. I want to come down there and … be with you.”
“Wow.”
“But like I said, I know this is weird, and if it’s too much for you to handle [then I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with you anyway, so maybe I should get to know you first … oh, wait, that’s not what she said], I understand. We can call it off.”
“No … Wow. Uhm … wow. Look, I’m not gonna lie. This is a little weird. But hey, Angel, I like you, Okay? I like you. And I think it would be cool to get to know you with your clothes on.” [that’s really romantic.]
“Jeff …”
“And …” He said, anticipating her protest, “And … if you still want to when you get down here, we’ll just … take it from there, okay?”
“Okay.” Angel smiled into the phone. “Uhm … no pressure.”
Jeff laughed. “What pressure? Not like you have anyone to compare me to.” [SNAP!]
“You’re an ass,” she said dryly, still smiling.
“I can be,” he said.
“But look, I meant what I said at brunch. I really don’t want anything serious, sex or no sex.”
“Understood. And I’m with you. Or not, as the case may be.”
“Cool. I’ll see you in a week or so, Jeff.”
“Can’t wait, Angel.”
“Me either.”
NOTES:
1) I think I need a shower. Not a cold shower. One of those chemical showers you take after you’ve been contaminated by some sort of biohazard. Jefgel is so vile.
2) I know what you’re wondering: WTF was wrong with me? Yeah, I really have no answer. My best guess is that I watched a lot of Dawson’s Creek, and that show propagated some seriously unhealthy ideas of sexuality. My other guess is that even as a college student, I had no idea how adults participated in healthy intimate relationships.
Ok then. Let’s shake that one off, shall we?
Coming up next …
Oh boy! Here comes a character I’ll be you’ve almost forgotten about. Try to figure out which one in … Chapter 64: Violet’s Dilemma
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