So last week we saw deception, cheating, and boot-lacing. This week? Talking. Suck it up, folks, it's ...
Chapter 36: Bobby and Linda
Linda Eaton was one of the few people on the planet that could make Bobby laugh, and she was certainly the only one he could ever fall in love with. If he couldn’t get her back, he didn’t know what he’d do.
Now, sitting on her couch – their couch with her, he had a sudden, horrifying thought. “My marriage depends on the next thing I say.”
Linda sat next to her husband. She was pretty woman, with long, wavy auburn hair streaked with premature grey. It was silky and fine and usually worn in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. She had grayish-blue eyes and very fine features [what does that mean? I had no clue then, I have no clue now. Also, what is she wearing? I so wish I had included more outfit descriptions. Alas, I’ve never been particularly interested in clothing.] Bobby couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky he was to have her.
“What do you want to say to me, Bobby?”
“Linda, listen. Angelica and her boyfriend Chris offered to help me by talking to you, but I … I … oh, I dunno. I guess I just wanted another shot. Lin – I’ve never been good with words, but I love you with all my heart. Angelica is like the little sister I’ve always wanted. I’ve explained this all already, but … Oh forget it. You’re either gonna believe me or not, Linda. What I say really doesn’t matter.” He got up to leave.
“Bobby Lee …”
He stopped abruptly at the sound of his full name.
“I’m sorry for not believing you before. It was just …”
“You believe me now?”
“Yes.”
“We’re OK then?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, Lin, that’s all I needed to hear.”
NOTES
1) What? How was that an entire chapter? You know, I remember writing this one, and thinking that I had no clue why Linda would suddenly believe him, but that I didn’t want them to break up. So I just left it to the ellipses. Good ol’ ellipses. Implying what I’m not creative enough to say.
2) Those are some awesome communication skills you have, Boblinda. Just sweep it all under the rug. I’m sure your marriage will be fine.
COMING UP NEXT ...
I assume you all breathed a collective sigh of relief to learn that Bobby and Linda's marriage is safe. At the very least, this means that there's one less character to dissolve in tears all over Angel. Speaking of Angel, I'll bet you're wondering what would happen if she spilled her dirty secrets to Clippy. Find out next time in ...
Chapter 37 – Bobby’s Last Day
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Chapter 35: Topeka
Alllllright, ladies and gents. Trouble’s a-brewin’ here, and her name is Violet. And Asstin fans? Stuff is GOING DOWN. I hope no one is scandalized by the salaciousness of …
Chapter 35: Topeka
Chris Benoit opened his dressing room door and started to lace up his boots. He noticed movement in the corner shadows. He flicked on the lights. [he was lacing his boots up in the dark?]
“What the heck are you doing in here?” Chris exclaimed.
Violet stood. “Oh, Chris, I’m sorry! Did I frighten you?”
“No, but what are you doing in here?”
“Stunning Steve told me he’d meet me in here.”
“Austin? What’re you hangin’ around with a creep like that for?”
“I don’t’ know.” Her voice broke and tears spilled over her cheeks. “It’s just … I’ve been so lonely here, and he was so nice to me, and … and …”
Chris sighed. Here we go again. He sat next to Violet and awkwardly touched her shoulder. “C’mon, don’t’ cry, Violet. It’s not so bad. Some girls go good with creeps.”
This made her cry harder.
“Oh, geez. I didn’t mean that. I mean … Oh please don’t cry, Violet.”
She sniffled. Chris glanced down at his watch.
“Violet?”
“Yeah?”
“I hate to do this to you, but I have a match in 3 minutes and the only wrestling gear I have on is half a boot.” [why would you put your boots on before your tights?]
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh, no. No. Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault I’m slow.”
She apologized again anyway, then left.
---------
Dustin Rhodes stooped to enter Angel’s office.
“This doorway is too low.”
“You’re just too tall.”
“Hey Angel.”
“Hey, Dustin.”
“How you doin?”
“I’m OK. You?
“Just peachy.”
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Would you check this out for me?” He gestured towards a spot on his head. Angel pushed his hair away from the spot and saw a huge lump forming [I swear I didn’t mean for any of this to have any sort of erotic subtext. But wow. Or, rather, bow chicka wow wow.]
“Ooh, how’d you do that?”
“I banged my head on one of these stupid doorways.”
Angel reached for an ice pack. She pressed it against Dustin’s head.
He smiled.
“What?”
“You have the same color eyes as me.”
“Hey … you’re right.”
She leaned a little closer to adjust the pack, and it happened. No one planned it, it just happened.
Their lips met. The ice pack fell to the floor with a thud. He put his hand on the small of her back. Suddenly, both of them pulled back as if stung. They both began speaking rapidly at once.
“Oh, Dustin, listen, I …”
“Angelica, this wasn’t …”
“Neither of us meant for this to happen, right?”
“Right.” Dustin said.
“Ohh … I can’t believe what just happened.” Angel wailed.
“Me neither.”
“It was just a mistake, right Dustin? People make mistakes all the time.”
Dustin put his head in his hands [shout out, Anonymoleg!].
“Angel, I’m going to get married in a week and a half! I can’t be … oh, God.” He rose and paced, running his fingers through his hair rapidly. He stopped in the middle of the room and seized the sleeve of Angel’s uniform. “Angel, I love you as a friend and nothing more. What just happened was …”
“Meaningless.” Angel finished.
“Yes.”
“I agree. That’s exactly the way I feel.” She exhaled deeply.
“Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Should we tell …”
Dustin’s question was interrupted by a loud rapping on the door frame.
“Come in.” [come in to what? The door wasn’t closed.]
“Hey, Sunshine.” Chris greeted. “Uhh … bad time?”
“Oh, no. no.” Dustin said. “I was just leaving. See you later.”
“O---K. Something up, Angel-face?”
She avoided his eyes. “No, Chris. Listen, can we talk later, though?”
“Well, Sure. You allright?”
“Yeah. Yeah.”
“If you say so. Busy night?”
“Yeah.” (in more ways than one) [woah! Was that prescient snark?]
“Ok. See you later.”
--------------
NOTES:
1) Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SNAP!!! Violet, you were wasting your efforts. Angel the Virtuous can tank a relationship all on her own.
2) In my experience, denying any feelings that you have for someone after you have “accidentally” kissed ALWAYS works. That’s why all of the relationships I had in college were so healthy.
Hoo boy. Well, I'll bet you'd like a break from all of that intense drama. Ask and ye shall receive, because coming up next is ...
Chapter 36: Bobby and Linda.
Chapter 35: Topeka
Chris Benoit opened his dressing room door and started to lace up his boots. He noticed movement in the corner shadows. He flicked on the lights. [he was lacing his boots up in the dark?]
“What the heck are you doing in here?” Chris exclaimed.
Violet stood. “Oh, Chris, I’m sorry! Did I frighten you?”
“No, but what are you doing in here?”
“Stunning Steve told me he’d meet me in here.”
“Austin? What’re you hangin’ around with a creep like that for?”
“I don’t’ know.” Her voice broke and tears spilled over her cheeks. “It’s just … I’ve been so lonely here, and he was so nice to me, and … and …”
Chris sighed. Here we go again. He sat next to Violet and awkwardly touched her shoulder. “C’mon, don’t’ cry, Violet. It’s not so bad. Some girls go good with creeps.”
This made her cry harder.
“Oh, geez. I didn’t mean that. I mean … Oh please don’t cry, Violet.”
She sniffled. Chris glanced down at his watch.
“Violet?”
“Yeah?”
“I hate to do this to you, but I have a match in 3 minutes and the only wrestling gear I have on is half a boot.” [why would you put your boots on before your tights?]
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh, no. No. Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault I’m slow.”
She apologized again anyway, then left.
---------
Dustin Rhodes stooped to enter Angel’s office.
“This doorway is too low.”
“You’re just too tall.”
“Hey Angel.”
“Hey, Dustin.”
“How you doin?”
“I’m OK. You?
“Just peachy.”
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Would you check this out for me?” He gestured towards a spot on his head. Angel pushed his hair away from the spot and saw a huge lump forming [I swear I didn’t mean for any of this to have any sort of erotic subtext. But wow. Or, rather, bow chicka wow wow.]
“Ooh, how’d you do that?”
“I banged my head on one of these stupid doorways.”
Angel reached for an ice pack. She pressed it against Dustin’s head.
He smiled.
“What?”
“You have the same color eyes as me.”
“Hey … you’re right.”
She leaned a little closer to adjust the pack, and it happened. No one planned it, it just happened.
Their lips met. The ice pack fell to the floor with a thud. He put his hand on the small of her back. Suddenly, both of them pulled back as if stung. They both began speaking rapidly at once.
“Oh, Dustin, listen, I …”
“Angelica, this wasn’t …”
“Neither of us meant for this to happen, right?”
“Right.” Dustin said.
“Ohh … I can’t believe what just happened.” Angel wailed.
“Me neither.”
“It was just a mistake, right Dustin? People make mistakes all the time.”
Dustin put his head in his hands [shout out, Anonymoleg!].
“Angel, I’m going to get married in a week and a half! I can’t be … oh, God.” He rose and paced, running his fingers through his hair rapidly. He stopped in the middle of the room and seized the sleeve of Angel’s uniform. “Angel, I love you as a friend and nothing more. What just happened was …”
“Meaningless.” Angel finished.
“Yes.”
“I agree. That’s exactly the way I feel.” She exhaled deeply.
“Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Should we tell …”
Dustin’s question was interrupted by a loud rapping on the door frame.
“Come in.” [come in to what? The door wasn’t closed.]
“Hey, Sunshine.” Chris greeted. “Uhh … bad time?”
“Oh, no. no.” Dustin said. “I was just leaving. See you later.”
“O---K. Something up, Angel-face?”
She avoided his eyes. “No, Chris. Listen, can we talk later, though?”
“Well, Sure. You allright?”
“Yeah. Yeah.”
“If you say so. Busy night?”
“Yeah.” (in more ways than one) [woah! Was that prescient snark?]
“Ok. See you later.”
--------------
NOTES:
1) Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SNAP!!! Violet, you were wasting your efforts. Angel the Virtuous can tank a relationship all on her own.
2) In my experience, denying any feelings that you have for someone after you have “accidentally” kissed ALWAYS works. That’s why all of the relationships I had in college were so healthy.
Hoo boy. Well, I'll bet you'd like a break from all of that intense drama. Ask and ye shall receive, because coming up next is ...
Chapter 36: Bobby and Linda.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Chapter 34: A Talk with Scott
I don't even want to introduce this chapter. It's completely useless. I suggest that while you read it, you play a fun drinking game where you take a swig of your favorite beverage every time you see a set of ellipses.
Chapter 34 – A Talk with Scott
Scotty Steiner sighed with relief when the doorbell rang. He had needed to talk to her for a long time. Curt [Mr. P] had filled him in on the history of Angel in the WWF, and Scott’s head was full of thoughts and questions. He opened the door and greeted her with a hug.
“Hey Ang.”
“Hey Scott. How are you?”
“Same as last night,” he said with a half-smile. “Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head. They both sat on the couch.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Ang, it’s awful. Everything’s a mess. Marie and I had a real long talk, and for a while, everything was allright. Then she got … I dunno, weird … jealous. She just broke up with me for no reason.”
Angel looked away from him. “It’s me, isn’t it?” [good GOLLY, Angel, why must EVERYTHING be about YOU?]
“What do you mean?”
“She thinks you’re seeing me.”
Scott paused. Yeah … look, Ang, this isn’t … “
Angel cut him off. “I must be a jinx.” [I don’t think that’s exactly the word I would have selected.]
“What?”
“This is the third relationship I’ve ruined just by being friends with the men involved.” [maybe it’s not the friendship so much as the enthusiastic hugging]
“Angelica, this isn’t your fault.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. Do you … do you still love her?”
“I can’t stop. How can you stop loving someone?”
“I don’t think you can.”
“Then do you still love Marcus?”
Angel thought for a second. “I’m not sure I ever really did.” [but you went on one whole date with him!]
“Do you still love Marty?”
“I … wait … how do you know about Marty?” [you are the worst friends ever]
“Curt told me about him.”
“Oh. That’s a hard question.” She rubbed her temples for a long time as she considered it. “I do,” she whispered, in an almost disappointed tone. “I can never forgive him for what he did to me. Never. But, there’s still a piece of me that … Scott, can we change the subject?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry. Tell me about Chris.” [how about let’s not talk about her, especially considering that you were practically salivating to get her to your house so she could sort about your problems?]
“Oh, he’s just about the sweetest guy in the universe. I’m so happy with him.”
“That’s terrific. Y’know, I really thought me and Marie had that something special you and Chris seem to have found.”
“Scott, you deserve better than Marie.”
“What?”
“Think about it. How good can someone who will break up with you in a jealous rage be?”
“She wasn’t in a rage.”
“But obviously she wouldn’t listen to you when you tried to explain.”
“Well … no.”
“You’re better off without her.”
“Maybe I am … but …”
“But what?”
“I’m afraid I’ll never find anyone else to love.”
“Scott …”
“Angel, I’ll be 30 years old in three months.” [not mentally, buddy.]
“And I’ll be twenty-six in three months. What’s your point? Scotty, you’re a wonderful person. Don’t worry about life so much. Just let things happen.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Ang, thanks.” His voice fell as he spoke. “I still miss her.”
“Of course you still miss her. ‘Scuse the cliché, but broken hearts don’t mend overnight. Someone else will come along, and when she does, you’d better invite me to the wedding.”
“You’ll be the first one on my list.”
“Scott, I’m sorry, but I’d really best be on my way. I’ve got a major set of house shows to cover in Topeka.”
“Ok. Thanks for coming here, Ang. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Scott saw Angel off, feeling better than he’d felt in a long time. Maybe Angel was right. He should just let things happen. From now on, he would go with the flow.
------
NOTES
1) That was Angel’s sage advice. Let things happen? And Scott doesn’t know what he would do without her?
2) No, seriously. He’s been sighing himself into a frenzy because he desperately needed to talk to Angel. She comes over, blathers on about herself, gives him the tritest advice on record, and he’s all better???
3) I … I don’t … know … why I thought … that ellipses … were such … compelling … pieces of … punctuation.
Ok, let’s shake that chapter off …
There’s an AWESOME one coming up next. Violet skanks around and Dustin bumps his head on doorway. You won’t want to miss … Chapter 35 – Topeka
Chapter 34 – A Talk with Scott
Scotty Steiner sighed with relief when the doorbell rang. He had needed to talk to her for a long time. Curt [Mr. P] had filled him in on the history of Angel in the WWF, and Scott’s head was full of thoughts and questions. He opened the door and greeted her with a hug.
“Hey Ang.”
“Hey Scott. How are you?”
“Same as last night,” he said with a half-smile. “Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head. They both sat on the couch.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Ang, it’s awful. Everything’s a mess. Marie and I had a real long talk, and for a while, everything was allright. Then she got … I dunno, weird … jealous. She just broke up with me for no reason.”
Angel looked away from him. “It’s me, isn’t it?” [good GOLLY, Angel, why must EVERYTHING be about YOU?]
“What do you mean?”
“She thinks you’re seeing me.”
Scott paused. Yeah … look, Ang, this isn’t … “
Angel cut him off. “I must be a jinx.” [I don’t think that’s exactly the word I would have selected.]
“What?”
“This is the third relationship I’ve ruined just by being friends with the men involved.” [maybe it’s not the friendship so much as the enthusiastic hugging]
“Angelica, this isn’t your fault.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. Do you … do you still love her?”
“I can’t stop. How can you stop loving someone?”
“I don’t think you can.”
“Then do you still love Marcus?”
Angel thought for a second. “I’m not sure I ever really did.” [but you went on one whole date with him!]
“Do you still love Marty?”
“I … wait … how do you know about Marty?” [you are the worst friends ever]
“Curt told me about him.”
“Oh. That’s a hard question.” She rubbed her temples for a long time as she considered it. “I do,” she whispered, in an almost disappointed tone. “I can never forgive him for what he did to me. Never. But, there’s still a piece of me that … Scott, can we change the subject?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry. Tell me about Chris.” [how about let’s not talk about her, especially considering that you were practically salivating to get her to your house so she could sort about your problems?]
“Oh, he’s just about the sweetest guy in the universe. I’m so happy with him.”
“That’s terrific. Y’know, I really thought me and Marie had that something special you and Chris seem to have found.”
“Scott, you deserve better than Marie.”
“What?”
“Think about it. How good can someone who will break up with you in a jealous rage be?”
“She wasn’t in a rage.”
“But obviously she wouldn’t listen to you when you tried to explain.”
“Well … no.”
“You’re better off without her.”
“Maybe I am … but …”
“But what?”
“I’m afraid I’ll never find anyone else to love.”
“Scott …”
“Angel, I’ll be 30 years old in three months.” [not mentally, buddy.]
“And I’ll be twenty-six in three months. What’s your point? Scotty, you’re a wonderful person. Don’t worry about life so much. Just let things happen.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Ang, thanks.” His voice fell as he spoke. “I still miss her.”
“Of course you still miss her. ‘Scuse the cliché, but broken hearts don’t mend overnight. Someone else will come along, and when she does, you’d better invite me to the wedding.”
“You’ll be the first one on my list.”
“Scott, I’m sorry, but I’d really best be on my way. I’ve got a major set of house shows to cover in Topeka.”
“Ok. Thanks for coming here, Ang. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Scott saw Angel off, feeling better than he’d felt in a long time. Maybe Angel was right. He should just let things happen. From now on, he would go with the flow.
------
NOTES
1) That was Angel’s sage advice. Let things happen? And Scott doesn’t know what he would do without her?
2) No, seriously. He’s been sighing himself into a frenzy because he desperately needed to talk to Angel. She comes over, blathers on about herself, gives him the tritest advice on record, and he’s all better???
3) I … I don’t … know … why I thought … that ellipses … were such … compelling … pieces of … punctuation.
Ok, let’s shake that chapter off …
There’s an AWESOME one coming up next. Violet skanks around and Dustin bumps his head on doorway. You won’t want to miss … Chapter 35 – Topeka
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Chapter 33: Turning Up the Heat (Part III)
How ‘bout them Tar Heels?
Are y’all ready for the thrilling finale of this chapter? I know I am. So far, Bobby has had the lamest party ever, which he made even lamer by crying about his wife. Chris made coffee and Angel patted Bobby’s arm. It’s all uphill from here. Cue the bow chicka wow wow music, because the heat is getting turned up in …
Chapter 33: Turning Up the Heat (Part III)
Angel sat next to Chris on the couch.
“Some party,” Chris commented, handing angel a cup of coffee.
“I’m just happy we could help him.”
“You’re too nice, Angel.”
“What?”
“Nevermind.”
Angel sipped her coffee and sputtered. “Geez, Chris, what did you do to this coffee?”
“Coffee? That’s not coffee. That’s the blood of ten thousand millipedes.”
“You are disgusting.”
“Want a refill?”
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“You know Angel, we still have time to have a party of our own.”
“Oh really?”
“Uh-huh.”
He pressed his body close to hers and they shared a long, passionate kiss. Chris began to untuck her shirt from her jeans [HEY NOW!], and Angel pulled away. [that’s better.]
“What is it, Sunshine? You’ve never minded when I’ve done this before.” [was she drugged?]
“I know, Chris, and I love to have your hands caress me like that [eew], but we have to talk.”
Chris smiled. He found it charming that Angel called feeling her up being caressed. “Talk about what?”
“Chris, have you ever slept with anyone?”
“Angel …”
“No. Answer me. It’s not like I’m going to get mad.”
“Well, yeah. I lost my virginity in my second year of college.”
“Who was she?”
“Geez, Angel. Her name was Justina Foster.”
“Did you love her?”
“Yeah, I loved her. We just drifted. What’s the third degree for, huh?”
“I don’t know,” said Angel.
“Then it’s my turn. Who was your first?”
“Mr. Rogers.”
“C’mon.”
“No, really. We spelled out dirty words with letter blocks.”
“Be serious.”
“I’m a virgin.”
“I said be serious.”
“I am being perfectly serious.”
“You didn’t sleep with Marty or Marcus?”
“No.”
“Well … what are you waiting for?”
Angel smiled. “Marriage.” [10 bucks says that was a self-satisfied smile]
“Why are you bringing this up, Angel?”
“Honestly?”
“No. Lie to me.”
She ignored his comment. “Well, Chris. I’ve been wondering. Why should I lose my virginity on my wedding night when just about everyone else doesn’t give a damn about morality?” [here we go again]
“Angel, if everyone else …”
“I know, I know. If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you too.”
“Actually, Ms. Know-it-all, I was going to say ‘If everyone else plugged in a Cuisinart standing in a puddle of Kool-Aid, would you too?”
“That I would do.”
“The point is, Angel,” said Chris with a sigh, “You are your own person. Everyone is. And you should be proud of being a virgin.”
“I am … it’s just …”
“Just what?”
“Sometimes I want to give myself to you so bad.”
“Maybe you don’t have too long to wait.”
“What do you mean?”
Chris shrugged.
“You were talking about me us marrying again, weren’t you?”
“I guess I was.”
“Oh, Chris …”
“I love you, you love me …”
“You would look good in a big purple dinosaur suit.”
Chris knew Angel hated talking about getting married so he dropped the subject with a sigh. He put his hand behind her head and kissed her lightly on the lips. “I’ll love you forever, Angel. I knew that from the first time I saw your beautiful face that we were meant to be together.” He started to say more, but Angel put her finger on his lips and ran her hands through his baby-soft brown hair. He leaned close to kiss her, and the phone rang.
“Sorry, Chris,” she got up to answer it reluctantly.
“Hello?”
“Angelica?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Scott Steiner.”
“Hi Scott. How are you?”
“Not too good.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Ang, it’s a mess. You’ll be here tomorrow, won’t you?” [good golly, Scott. Co-dependant much?]
“Of course.”
Scott breathed a sigh of relief. “Great. I just needed to be sure.”
“You OK Scott?”
“Not really.”
“Hang in there.”
“Thanks, Ang.”
“Anytime.”
They said goodbye and Angel returned to Chris, who had quizzical expression on his face. “Scott Steiner,” Angel answered the question before it was asked.
“Oh?” an eyebrow arched.
“He’s my buddy.”
“Buddy?” both eyebrows arched.
Angel threw a pillow at Chris. “Stop being so jealous.”
“I can’t help it. The thought of you with another guy …”
“Revolts me,” Angel interrupted. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” she kissed him on his cheek. The phone rang again. Angel mussed Chris’ hair. “Be right back.”
“Hello.”
“Stay away from him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t go near him tomorrow.”
“Who is this?”
There was a click as the other person hang up. Angel slammed down the receiver.
“Sunshine?”
“Nevermind.”
“No, what?”
“Marie.”
“Oh, Angel.”
“Chris, I don’t want to talk about her now.”
“Sorry. Don’t let her get to you,” he stood and grabbed his coat from the nearby rack.
“Where are you off to?”
“Sorry, Sunshine. My day starts early tomorrow.” [and let’s face it, it must be at least 8:30 by now.]
“Okay,” Angel pouted. He kissed her warmly and left.
His mind was full of thoughts. Justina Foster. He hadn’t thought about her in years. Where was she now? Chris shook her head. Who could even think about Justina Foster when he had Angel?
NOTES
1) I suppose that there’s no need for me to rehash the “morality” eye-roll, but seriously. Angel. Saying that you don’t want to sleep with someone before you’re married because of morality implies that you tie equate premarital sex with immoral behavior. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, usually suggests that a person has a religious objection to premarital sex. So look, whatever, no problem with that, but seeing as how I was a completely areligious child, I’m just going to bet that Angel herself was likewise areligious. Her objection to sex, therefore, is merely a way for her to hold herself above her peers, judge others, and, perhaps, refuse to commit to anyone. My objection to sex when I wrote this was that it sounded gross. I think that’s a good attitude for 14-year-olds. I suppose my idea of “morality” also came from my mom. When I got “the talk” from my mom, she told me that people should wait until they’re married, which I now find hilarious, considering the fact that she and my father cheated on their respective spouses with each other, then divorced their spouses, shacked up with each other for a year, and then got married on my dad’s lunch break. Also hilarious: when I was 22, I told my mom that me and my long-term boyfriend weren’t sleeping together, she said, and I quote, “that’s not fair to him!” I suppose she thought she knew best, and maybe she did, because the fact that he didn’t care whether or not we slept together should have been a clue to me that something was amiss in our relationship (or that he secretly preferred the company of men, which, as it turns out, he did. But that’s another story). Uhmm … where was I? Oh yes. Angel. She’s basically just a paragon of virtue. And she needs everyone else to know that.
2) I give Angel a lot of crap for being Angel, but hey, Chris is pretty passive-aggressive about the whole marriage thing, isn’t he? Back off, bro. I mean, I can see where it would be frustrating, but dropping all of those subtle “hints” isn’t helping your case.
3) Marie is crazy. Scott is needy. Got it.
4) “Who could even think about Justina Foster when he had Angel?” Obviously you, Chris. Trouble’s a-brewin!
Coming up next …
Angel talks with Scott about his relationship problems. Angel somehow makes it all about herself. Of course.
Tune in next time for …
Chapter 34 – A Talk with Scott
Are y’all ready for the thrilling finale of this chapter? I know I am. So far, Bobby has had the lamest party ever, which he made even lamer by crying about his wife. Chris made coffee and Angel patted Bobby’s arm. It’s all uphill from here. Cue the bow chicka wow wow music, because the heat is getting turned up in …
Chapter 33: Turning Up the Heat (Part III)
Angel sat next to Chris on the couch.
“Some party,” Chris commented, handing angel a cup of coffee.
“I’m just happy we could help him.”
“You’re too nice, Angel.”
“What?”
“Nevermind.”
Angel sipped her coffee and sputtered. “Geez, Chris, what did you do to this coffee?”
“Coffee? That’s not coffee. That’s the blood of ten thousand millipedes.”
“You are disgusting.”
“Want a refill?”
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“You know Angel, we still have time to have a party of our own.”
“Oh really?”
“Uh-huh.”
He pressed his body close to hers and they shared a long, passionate kiss. Chris began to untuck her shirt from her jeans [HEY NOW!], and Angel pulled away. [that’s better.]
“What is it, Sunshine? You’ve never minded when I’ve done this before.” [was she drugged?]
“I know, Chris, and I love to have your hands caress me like that [eew], but we have to talk.”
Chris smiled. He found it charming that Angel called feeling her up being caressed. “Talk about what?”
“Chris, have you ever slept with anyone?”
“Angel …”
“No. Answer me. It’s not like I’m going to get mad.”
“Well, yeah. I lost my virginity in my second year of college.”
“Who was she?”
“Geez, Angel. Her name was Justina Foster.”
“Did you love her?”
“Yeah, I loved her. We just drifted. What’s the third degree for, huh?”
“I don’t know,” said Angel.
“Then it’s my turn. Who was your first?”
“Mr. Rogers.”
“C’mon.”
“No, really. We spelled out dirty words with letter blocks.”
“Be serious.”
“I’m a virgin.”
“I said be serious.”
“I am being perfectly serious.”
“You didn’t sleep with Marty or Marcus?”
“No.”
“Well … what are you waiting for?”
Angel smiled. “Marriage.” [10 bucks says that was a self-satisfied smile]
“Why are you bringing this up, Angel?”
“Honestly?”
“No. Lie to me.”
She ignored his comment. “Well, Chris. I’ve been wondering. Why should I lose my virginity on my wedding night when just about everyone else doesn’t give a damn about morality?” [here we go again]
“Angel, if everyone else …”
“I know, I know. If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you too.”
“Actually, Ms. Know-it-all, I was going to say ‘If everyone else plugged in a Cuisinart standing in a puddle of Kool-Aid, would you too?”
“That I would do.”
“The point is, Angel,” said Chris with a sigh, “You are your own person. Everyone is. And you should be proud of being a virgin.”
“I am … it’s just …”
“Just what?”
“Sometimes I want to give myself to you so bad.”
“Maybe you don’t have too long to wait.”
“What do you mean?”
Chris shrugged.
“You were talking about me us marrying again, weren’t you?”
“I guess I was.”
“Oh, Chris …”
“I love you, you love me …”
“You would look good in a big purple dinosaur suit.”
Chris knew Angel hated talking about getting married so he dropped the subject with a sigh. He put his hand behind her head and kissed her lightly on the lips. “I’ll love you forever, Angel. I knew that from the first time I saw your beautiful face that we were meant to be together.” He started to say more, but Angel put her finger on his lips and ran her hands through his baby-soft brown hair. He leaned close to kiss her, and the phone rang.
“Sorry, Chris,” she got up to answer it reluctantly.
“Hello?”
“Angelica?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Scott Steiner.”
“Hi Scott. How are you?”
“Not too good.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Ang, it’s a mess. You’ll be here tomorrow, won’t you?” [good golly, Scott. Co-dependant much?]
“Of course.”
Scott breathed a sigh of relief. “Great. I just needed to be sure.”
“You OK Scott?”
“Not really.”
“Hang in there.”
“Thanks, Ang.”
“Anytime.”
They said goodbye and Angel returned to Chris, who had quizzical expression on his face. “Scott Steiner,” Angel answered the question before it was asked.
“Oh?” an eyebrow arched.
“He’s my buddy.”
“Buddy?” both eyebrows arched.
Angel threw a pillow at Chris. “Stop being so jealous.”
“I can’t help it. The thought of you with another guy …”
“Revolts me,” Angel interrupted. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” she kissed him on his cheek. The phone rang again. Angel mussed Chris’ hair. “Be right back.”
“Hello.”
“Stay away from him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t go near him tomorrow.”
“Who is this?”
There was a click as the other person hang up. Angel slammed down the receiver.
“Sunshine?”
“Nevermind.”
“No, what?”
“Marie.”
“Oh, Angel.”
“Chris, I don’t want to talk about her now.”
“Sorry. Don’t let her get to you,” he stood and grabbed his coat from the nearby rack.
“Where are you off to?”
“Sorry, Sunshine. My day starts early tomorrow.” [and let’s face it, it must be at least 8:30 by now.]
“Okay,” Angel pouted. He kissed her warmly and left.
His mind was full of thoughts. Justina Foster. He hadn’t thought about her in years. Where was she now? Chris shook her head. Who could even think about Justina Foster when he had Angel?
NOTES
1) I suppose that there’s no need for me to rehash the “morality” eye-roll, but seriously. Angel. Saying that you don’t want to sleep with someone before you’re married because of morality implies that you tie equate premarital sex with immoral behavior. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, usually suggests that a person has a religious objection to premarital sex. So look, whatever, no problem with that, but seeing as how I was a completely areligious child, I’m just going to bet that Angel herself was likewise areligious. Her objection to sex, therefore, is merely a way for her to hold herself above her peers, judge others, and, perhaps, refuse to commit to anyone. My objection to sex when I wrote this was that it sounded gross. I think that’s a good attitude for 14-year-olds. I suppose my idea of “morality” also came from my mom. When I got “the talk” from my mom, she told me that people should wait until they’re married, which I now find hilarious, considering the fact that she and my father cheated on their respective spouses with each other, then divorced their spouses, shacked up with each other for a year, and then got married on my dad’s lunch break. Also hilarious: when I was 22, I told my mom that me and my long-term boyfriend weren’t sleeping together, she said, and I quote, “that’s not fair to him!” I suppose she thought she knew best, and maybe she did, because the fact that he didn’t care whether or not we slept together should have been a clue to me that something was amiss in our relationship (or that he secretly preferred the company of men, which, as it turns out, he did. But that’s another story). Uhmm … where was I? Oh yes. Angel. She’s basically just a paragon of virtue. And she needs everyone else to know that.
2) I give Angel a lot of crap for being Angel, but hey, Chris is pretty passive-aggressive about the whole marriage thing, isn’t he? Back off, bro. I mean, I can see where it would be frustrating, but dropping all of those subtle “hints” isn’t helping your case.
3) Marie is crazy. Scott is needy. Got it.
4) “Who could even think about Justina Foster when he had Angel?” Obviously you, Chris. Trouble’s a-brewin!
Coming up next …
Angel talks with Scott about his relationship problems. Angel somehow makes it all about herself. Of course.
Tune in next time for …
Chapter 34 – A Talk with Scott
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