Chapter 52: Reprocussion [sic] Discussion (Part II)

Alright, buds. It’s me again. A day late again. Many apologies. I continue to blame work. Actually, it’s not so much my job per se as it the ridiculousness of the academic job market. It’s BAD out there, my friends. BAD. Almost as bad as …

Chapter 52: Reprocussion [sic] Discussion (part II)

They shared an English Lit class in their Freshman years at Edmonton University. He perfectly recalled the first day he had caught eyes with her:

She was wearing an Edmonton Oilers tee-shirt and giant neon green bangles on her wrists. Her spirals of copper hair exploded from her head in a myriad of directions.

“Is this English Literature 101?” She had asked him, staring down at a crumpled schedule.

Chris: long-haired, sort of gawky, decked out in a Black Sabbath shirt [uhm, was his Frankie Valli shirt in the wash?] and black boots, mumbled: “I think so.”

They sat next to each other as Professor Cavanaugh entered the room. Without missing a breath, he delved right into a speech. “First of all, I loathe wasting time. I also loathe tardiness. The first portion of literature we will be studying is a portion of the works from the Shelley portion of our Anthology.”

From that day on, Justina and Chris kept a daily tally on how many times Professor Cavanaugh said “portion” in a class. They would fight to stifle giggles and kick each other under the desk. A smile stretched across Chris’ face when he thought of the day of their first big exam. Upon reading the first question, “In which portion of the play Macbeth does the first portion of blood imagery come into play,” they had both burst into uncontrollable laughter. They then sat through a lengthy lecture (containing 31 “portions”) and were given one more chance to shape up before failing the semester. [for laughing during a test? Dang]

He recalled their first “date.” He invited her to watch the Oilers game with him in the commons [sic] room. They laughed over every stupid commercial—Chris was astounded that someone else found Mr. Whipple as amusing as he. He walked her back to her dorm and they turned towards each other in the doorway. There was no awkwardness in this moment. The night surrounded them in an inky fluid. The moon caught her face in a soft, luscious light. She smiled up at him and he brought her lips [sic] down on to hers gently. She touched the back of his neck lightly and then pulled back.

“The dating portion was fun, Chris, and the kissing portion was fantastic, but we both need to study before we fail the English 101 portion of our college years.”

He looked at her and grinned. “No, cousin. I’ll to Fife.”

“What?”

“Well, Shakespeare is romantic, and that’s the only line I can remember.” [actually, this is a remarkably accurate depiction of the way most freshmen think of Shakespeare. That’s because they read Romeo and Juliet, which does not contain cannibalism, infanticide, gang rape, and mutilation. That’s Titus Andronicus. You don't read that in high school. For good reason.]

“I think you need to study more than I do. Goodnight, Christopher. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He saw her tomorrow. He saw her the next day. He saw her every day for the next four years. And then they separated with promises to stay faithful. But time had watered down their bonds – she moved to Michigan, he began his wrestling career.

And here they were now.

“Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“What ya thinking about?”

“Everything. This is so weird, Justina.”

“I know. But it was great.”

“Yeah.”

“Chris? I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh. I have … uh … an Angel.” [oh, gross]

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

“Did that really just happen?”

“I’d ask you to pinch me, but if you did, it’d probably happen again.”

She giggled. He put his socks on. [where is he going? What time is it?]

“I have to go to work, Foss.”

“Me too.”

“We’ll talk later.”

“I’m sure.”

She pinched him anyway. Just in case.

NOTES:

1) Look, folks, I’m going to out myself as a college English teacher here. Because I simply must express my incredulity: How are Shelley and Macbeth being taught in the same course? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever written.

2) I had a biology teacher who comically overused the word “portion.” I always counted. Her record was 89 “portions” in one class. It was amazing.

3) I had an English teacher who repeated the line “No cousin. I’ll to Fife” incessantly. It supposedly demonstrated Macduff’s integrity. I’m playing it for “comedy” here, of course. Apologies to the Bard.

4) Where was the "discussion" of the "reprocussions" [sic]? I guess it was more important to flex my writing muscles by overwrought descriptions of the magical night.


And alas, the answer was Mr. Whipple. No contest winners this round. But another one is coming up in chapter 55!

COMING UP NEXT:

Scott and Angel have a chat. And unlike all of their previous chats, important information is actually exchanged. And there are meltdowns. But, seeing as how Scott and Angel are involved, they are dumb meltdowns.

Tune in next time for …

Chapter 53: Company