Chapter 63: Revelation

Hi again! Obligatory apologies. But look, folks. Once this dissertation is in the bag, I'll have ass-tons of time for this. Not only this, but also video games and television and napping and other important things that I've neglected a lot lately.

So ... where were we? Ah, yes, Barry was GETTIN IT AWN in the hotel room next to Chris and Justina, who are slowly realizing that Chris is never going to get over Angel, because she is the paragon of all virtues. And blonde. For her part, Angel is juuuuust about to call Jeff Hardy. I'll bet you can't wait to see what happens when she does.

Chapter 63: Revelation

Angel had spent the better part of the weekend mulling over her conversation with Madusa. On the one hand, she had been completely right about one thing: Angel had been thinking of her virginity as a burden—something she just wanted to be rid of so that she could move on [that’s really healthy. I hope there are some impressionable young people out there reading this.] On the other hand, move on to what? To life past Chris? Angel had no doubts that her breakup with Chris was fueling this, but she didn’t think it was out of a need for revenge. This wasn’t about Chris so much as it was about herself—her ability to decide this for herself [as opposed to what? Who else is supposed to decide that for you? Oh, I already regret asking.] But Madusa was right about one thing: [you mean one thing in addition to that first thing you mentioned?] she had to tell Jeff. And sooner rather than later. No sense driving all the way down there just to have him laugh at her, or be so freaked out that he asked her to leave [clearly the reaction you should expect from somebody you plan on sleeping with.]

So she bit the bullet. She called Jeff.

“Hey Jeff. This is Angel.”

“Hey there pretty lady.” [DAYUM he is SMOOVE]

They exchanged pleasantries, made flirtatious jokes [what, we’re not privy to them? Tragic]. Jeff was so disarmingly charming that Angel almost forgot why she had called him in the first place.

“Jeff … in all seriousness, I do have one thing I wanted to tell you before I came down next week.”

“Okay.” His tone got less playful. “Shoot.”

“Well … okay … this is going to sound really crazy, I know, but it’s something you should know, and if you don’t want me to come down because it’s too much, then just say the word.”

“What is it, Angel? Oh man … you aren’t … are you married?”

“What! No!” Angel laughed. “No!”

“Thank God. Been there. That’s a mess.”

“There went one of your fifth amendments, Hardy.” She was still in semi-hysterics.

“Hey, don’t laugh! That was a bad time for me!” But he was starting to chuckle himself. [because nothing is funnier than adultery. Oh, the hilarity!]

“I’m sure,” Angel said, collecting herself. “It’s just … well … it’s pretty much the exact opposite of what I’m going to tell you.”

“You’re … not married?”

“Correct.”

“Okay …”

“And … Jeff, I’m a virgin.”

Jeff was dumbfounded.

“Hello?”

“Uh … no, still here, Angel. Sorry, you just caught me off guard there.”

“So … look. I know it’s weird, but it’s true, and I’m not telling you this because I don’t want to come down anymore. I’m telling you this because I do. I want to come down there and … be with you.”

“Wow.”

“But like I said, I know this is weird, and if it’s too much for you to handle [then I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with you anyway, so maybe I should get to know you first … oh, wait, that’s not what she said], I understand. We can call it off.”

“No … Wow. Uhm … wow. Look, I’m not gonna lie. This is a little weird. But hey, Angel, I like you, Okay? I like you. And I think it would be cool to get to know you with your clothes on.” [that’s really romantic.]

“Jeff …”

“And …” He said, anticipating her protest, “And … if you still want to when you get down here, we’ll just … take it from there, okay?”

“Okay.” Angel smiled into the phone. “Uhm … no pressure.”

Jeff laughed. “What pressure? Not like you have anyone to compare me to.” [SNAP!]

“You’re an ass,” she said dryly, still smiling.

“I can be,” he said.

“But look, I meant what I said at brunch. I really don’t want anything serious, sex or no sex.”

“Understood. And I’m with you. Or not, as the case may be.”

“Cool. I’ll see you in a week or so, Jeff.”

“Can’t wait, Angel.”

“Me either.”

NOTES:

1) I think I need a shower. Not a cold shower. One of those chemical showers you take after you’ve been contaminated by some sort of biohazard. Jefgel is so vile.

2) I know what you’re wondering: WTF was wrong with me? Yeah, I really have no answer. My best guess is that I watched a lot of Dawson’s Creek, and that show propagated some seriously unhealthy ideas of sexuality. My other guess is that even as a college student, I had no idea how adults participated in healthy intimate relationships.

Ok then. Let’s shake that one off, shall we?

Coming up next …

Oh boy! Here comes a character I’ll be you’ve almost forgotten about. Try to figure out which one in … Chapter 64: Violet’s Dilemma