Chapter 43: The Big Day

Salutations, friends. In last week’s thrilling chapter, Alex misplaced her French Maid costume and Barry made out with her until Dustin woke up from his nightmare in a convulsive fit of sobs. Then tissues spontaneously generated in Angel’s living room and he went back to sleep. Today: wedding! Bring it.


Chapter 43 – The Big Day

Angel sat next to Sting in the second pew at St. Joseph’s Church.

“Angel! You look fantastic!” he whispered, taking in Angel’s light blue dress. [did she buy it as part of a matching set with her couch?]

“Thanks! I hardly recognized you in that tux! Pretty spiffy!” she whispered back. [I do hope he’s wearing his facepaint as part of the ensemble.]

Rick and Scott Steiner found Angel and Sting and sat in the row behind them.

“Hey, Angie! Hey Stinger!”

The church was quieted and the organ sounded. Alexandra York, arm in arm with her father, entered. Her dress was exquisite. Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. A long veil and train trailed behind her. She carried a bouquet of lilacs and baby’s breath that matched her bridesmaids’ gowns perfectly [why, why, why is this the only description of their dresses?]. Her dark-tan skin was glowing, and she was smiling from ear to ear as she approached Dustin. She stepped up to the alter [sic. But when you think about it, it works as a verb too] and turned to face her husband-to-be.

The minister cleared his throat and began.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and woman in holy matrimony. Do you, Alexandra Denise York, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and health, for rich or for poor, to death do you part?”

“I do.”

“And do you, Dustin Matthew Rhodes, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for rich and for poor, to death do you part?”

“I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Dustin didn’t need to be told twice. He kissed her as he had never kissed her before. The church burst into applause. Rick Steiner whistled loudly. Scott elbowed him. Angel giggled.

“You think this is bad—at our sister Crystal’s wedding, he kept asking where to buy peanuts,” Scott said.

Everyone stood as the happy couple made their exit.


NOTES:

1) Alex’s dress: Pure white with a laced neck and sleeves. H A W T. I have an excellent picture of this in my head, but so far I haven’t found anything via google images to match it. Do let me know if any of y’all have any luck.

2) That was the shortest wedding ceremony ever. Not a bad thing. But man, why not the “speak now or forever hold your peace”? Considering the fact that at the time of writing this, the only weddings I’d ever seen were on soap operas, you would think that the Dullexandra nuptials would have been a crazy drama-infested throwdown. Alas. On a related note, has anyone ever been to an actual wedding where they say that “speak now” bit? Slice and I thought it would have been funny if the judge at our wedding said it and then stared at the crowd for a full three minutes.

3) I do not understand why I was completely incapable of writing comedy. But as evidenced by any of Rick’s “goofball antics,” I most assuredly was.

COMING UP NEXT

I didn’t know the word for “reception,” so I called it “The Wedding Party.” This chapter includes: a reference to Mysterious Brother Danny, some trademark Rick goofball antics, and a couple dozen more reasons to loathe Angel. See you next time in …

Chapter 44 – The Wedding Party