This has nothing to do with my blog, but have y'all seen any of the GI JOE trailers. Super suits? I'm wary. I read on wikipedia that it's an origin story, which leaves room for awesomeness, and that the dude playing Cobra Commander didn't try to copy the cartoon voice, which I suppose is a smart decision, but aww man, that would have been so badass. I have the 1987 cartoon movie on DVD. I do not see how any film is going to top it. Cobrilalallalallalallaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Moving right along ...
Chris has news! Angel has news! Only one of them gets to spill it in this chapter, opaquely titled ...
Chapter 38: Chris’ News
Angel stepped into the “heel” dressing room. There were only a few wrestlers in the room because it was early.
“Hey Angel,” greeted Michael “PS” Hayes. [If memory serves me correctly, the P.S. stood for “Purely Sexy.” I don’t think he was.] The Nasty Boys and Larry Zbyszko also shouted hellos.
“Hi guys. You seen Chris?”
“He said he was going to look for you,” said Jerry.
“You two kids make a real nice couple.” [someone should have told big A that before she smooched someone else, no?]
“Thanks, Brian.” Angel smiled at him and excused herself.
Out in the hall, Angel saw Chris. She called his name and he turned to her [a very important plot point]. He swept her into his arms and off the ground. “Sunshine! I got to talk to you!”
“I need to talk to you, too.”
“You first.”
“No, not here.”
“Everything OK?”
“I hope so.”
“What?”
“Nevermind. What do you want to talk about?”
“Angel, I got great news!” [why did Chris suddenly stop dropping the “have” from the “have got” constructions?]
“What is it?”
“Guess!” [brace yourself for lame “humor”]
“Umm … You cracked the JFK mystery?”
“Better.”
“You found out what was in olive loaf?”
“Better!”
“Elvis’ ghost visited you in a dream and told you where the lost Dutchman’s mine was?”
“Better – but not by much. Give up?”
“Sure.”
“I got signed for another two weeks with All-Japan!”
“Oh Chris!” exclaimed Angel. “That’s terrific.”
“I know! I’m so excited.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?!?”
“Yes! I know it’s short notice, but we’ve been negotiating for months and these next two weeks are the only time when it’s possible for Bret Hart to join me.”
“Well … I’m happy for you anyway, Chris. I know how much you love it in Japan. It sure will be lonely here without you, though.”
“I’ll be home in no time, Angel-Face. It’s only two weeks.”
“Yeah, I know … but …” suddenly Angel broke off as a thought dawned on her. “Two weeks? Chris, what about Dustin’s wedding? You’re my date!”
Chris smacked himself on the forehead with his palm. “Oh geez! Angel, I’m sorry! I’ll cancel.” [for your girlfriend’s friend’s wedding? Priorities, pal.]
“No! Oh, Chris, don’t. This is so important to you. You barely know Dustin.”
“Angelica, you can’t go alone.”
“Why not?”
Chris’ face scrunched up, as if in deep thought.
“Well … who’ll you share your buffet plate with?” [Actually, the beauty of a wedding buffet is that you don’t have to share your food with your date. So even if you’re married to a chronic Plate Infringer, you actually get to eat an entire adult portion of dinner. Not that I’m speaking from personal experience. Anyway, Chris, you should probably worry about Angel sharing something besides her buffet plate].
Angel chuckled. “Go and be happy, Chris. I’ll survive.”
“Sure?”
“Positive.”
“Angel, you are the most wonderful woman I could ever hope to feast my baby browns upon. Thanks a bajillion.”
She smiled and shook her head, then kissed his cheek.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Nevermind, Chris. We’ll talk when you come home.”
“Sure?”
“Positive.”
“De ja vouz.”
“All over again.”
----------------
NOTES:
1) What was that ending? Duh … it’s witty banter. Apologies to Yogi Berra.
2) Chris : Japan :: Marty : Flu
3) Poor unsuspecting Chris. So trusting, so devoted, so blissfully credulous. Have fun in Japan, fella. I’m sure everything will be fine stateside.
COMING UP NEXT …
What should you do when you accidentally kiss someone and then regret it? Share a chapter with that person, obviously! What salacious developments will transpire when Angel confronts Dustin about their saliva transfer? Tune in next week for …
Chapter 39 – Dustin and Angel
4 comments:
Man, if I was Alex York and I found out someone who'd RSVP'ed to my wedding and decided suddenly to cancel, I'd be pretty pissed.
BTW, my eighth-grade wrestling buddy and I decided "PS" stood for Piece of Shit.
Well, it's a buffet, so at least there won't be an empty place setting with his choice of prime rib, salmon, or chicken cordon bleu getting cold. Maybe Angel will bring a replacement date. Maybe it will be Dustin. Oh wait, he's got other plans.
You know, when I first read the phrase "wrestling buddy," I immediately pictured those plush action figures. You remember those things? My brother and I had Macho King, Ultimate Warrior, and Ted Dibiase. They were so rad. Ted and I might have had the same conversation about Hayes, but I, like Angel, never swore. I have no idea why. All of my friends thought I was a square and my parents dropped the "s" bomb to describe just about everything. Then again, I never did any drugs either, and my mom has a plastic green novelty pot-leaf necklace draped over her dressing-table mirror.
awesome, idea, Anegl! Chris won't be mad at all when he finds out your "no big deal" news involves kissing a man whose wedding he is letting you attend, alone. If she stands up and objects, I'd Love it, Sadly, I know this will not happen. Pansy.
Now how do you know that won't happen ... uhh ... ok, you're right. Alas.
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