Y’all, I’ve been watching a lot of wrestling lately. It’s awesome. I really missed this stuff. I took a little hiatus after college because it was getting super crappy for a while. I'd pick it up here and there, but hadn't really watched with any sort of consistency until now. Slice was insanely busy at his job a few months ago, which meant lots of awesome TV-watching for me, so I got totally hooked again. I'm such a mark. And next Monday, Shaq is hosting RAW. SHAQ. I love Shaq. I don't even like basketball. But I like this commercial a lot.
Allllright. Where were we? Ah yes. Violet colluded with Arn to inform Chris of Asstin's treachery. Violet then capitalized on Chris's vulnerability by tasting his eardrum. Unfortunately for her, he came to his senses and threw her out of his room. This week: Violet turns to Plan B while drinking an outdated 90's beverage.
Chapter 46 – Scheming
Violet hurled the hotel Bible across the room [see? Eeeeevil.] Stupid blonde bitch [GASP! EEEVIL!] She’s got her boyfriend wrapped around her sweet little finger. Well, that’s alright. Angel might be pretty, but Violet thought she lacked sorely in the brains department. She knew what had to be done. Her trump card had to be played – soon.
Violet picked up the phone and dialed the number she had looked up weeks ago.
“Hello?” A young female voice said.
“Yes, Hello. This is Gillian Carter from Self Magazine. I’m conducting a survey of 18 to 30 year old females and the men they’re interested in. Do you have time for our survey?”
“Well … sure.”
“Great. Could I please have your first name – for reference.”
“Justina.”
“Hi, Justina. Are you currently involved with a member of the opposite sex?”
“Yes, I am.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how serious would you say your relationship is right now?”
“Oh gosh, we just met, really. I’d say about … six and a half.” [6.5? Even though you just met? Well, I suppose that’s an improvement over Angel and Marcus, who went from making googly eyes at each other to being in love in like, fifteen minutes.]
“Is he older or younger than you?”
“He’s a few years older.”
“Would you describe him as a blue-collar or white-collar worker?”
“Ohh … that’s tough. I’m not sure.”
“Well, if you don’t mind answering, what does he do for a living?”
Justina giggled. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Try me.”
“He’s a professional wrestler. Of all things!”
Violet’s mouth hung open. She recovered quickly. “Oh really? I’m quite a fan of professional wrestling myself. Strictly off the record, of course, anyone I’d know?”
“Well, maybe. Ever hear of the Steiner brothers?”
Violet was struck into silence.
“Ms. Carter?”
“Oh … uh, yes. Yes. I’ve heard of them. I was just stunned. You see, they are my absolute favorite wrestlers on earth! So tell me … which one?”
“Scotty. He’s such a doll.”
Violet cleared her throat. “Well, thank you, Justina, for your time.”
“Oh, sure, no problem.”
They said their good-byes. Violet poured herself a [wait for it! wait for it!] Cappio. They always helped her to think. A plot was being born in her head.
She snickered and took a long sip. Hurt Scott and Angel at the same time. Oh, this would be fun. Maybe then she could have Chris to herself. She actually sort of liked him. Loyal, kind, and adorable. Violets’ snickers [mmm, snickers] turned into gales of laughter. This was too sweet.
NOTES:
1) Well, no one guessed Cappio. Hey, I told you it was a toughie! I'm just glad that there was a youtube clip to prove that I didn't make it up. Never fear, I'll have another contest soon. I've got a burning desire to share my VHS collection with others.
2) Let's review Violet's Evil Scheme as presented in this chapter: she calls Justina and asks her random questions. And ... that's it. What kinds of questions were those? Blue collar or white collar? It's not like Vi knew she was dating Scott Steiner. Let's say hypothetically that instead of dating Scott, Justina was dating a claims adjustor named Todd. How would that information have helped Violet in the slightest? What's that you're saying? Plot contrivance? Oh, yes, that explains everything.
3) Gillian Carter ... yes, that's an X-Files reference. I was an equal-opportunity nerd.
COMING UP NEXT ...
Angel has a stupid conversation with a character I'll be you've already forgotten about and will promptly forget again after the chapter is over. If that doesn't sound exciting, I don't know what does!! Tune in next time for ...
Chapter 47 - Friendly Advice
3 comments:
my next guess was going to be ecto-cooler just for your personal knowledge.
Violet is just EVIL. And Justina is a wimp- who says yes to one of those surveys??? And what kind of short survey was that?
Dun dun dunnnnnn!
Heh, I thought I was getting a shout-out from an adolescent Fuzzy Octopus: I'm a market researcher named Jill (Jillian). Last name's obvious, right?
Amy - Ecto-Cooler! Sweet!! That's a good guess, but I think Violet is a little too sophisticated (or EVIL) for a juicebox. And yes, that was indeed a short survey. Most of the surveys I've been suckered into include a painfully long "Rate your deli counter experience at Food Lion from one to five, where one is completely unsatisfied, two is somewhat unsatisfied, three is neither satisfied nor unsatisfied, four is somewhat satisfied, and five is completely satisfied." And then You have to sit through that entire scale description for every single question. Gosh!
Carters - Holy cosmic connection, Batman! Have you ever called up ladies to them ask what color their significant other's collar was? If so, were you doing it to advance an evil scheme?
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