NOTE: If you have not yet done so, please read the introduction. Otherwise, you'll take this seriously. And that would be sad.
For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to write résumés for the wrestlers and their managers. These “résumés” look more like those surveys you get in your inbox every three hours when you’re 15 or know a 15 year old.
I’m pretty sure any employer who asked for a résumé that looked like these would be investigated.
Enjoy!
(Full) Name (of manager): Charlotte “Anjel” Theodosia
(Full) Name (of wrestler): Martin Jannetty
Date of Birth (of manager): 7/22/69 [that’s Shawn Michaels’ birthdate. I think that’s an early attempt at irony on my part.]
Date of Birth (of wrestler): 2/3/67 [ok, I had to guess at his age, but that’s totally his real birthdate. Wikipedia it if you don’t believe me. But you should. I had pretty much every WWF trading card memorized.]
Height (of manager): 5’7 ½“ [interestingly enough, that’s exactly how tall I am today! How prescient of 11-year old me!]
Height (of wrestler): 5’ 11”
Allergies (of manager): none
Allergies (of wrestler): daisies – hay fever [I can’t believe he revealed this secret!]
fears (of manager): heights
fears (of wrestler): hospitals
hometown (of manager): Roseberry, Idaho
hometown (of wrestler): Columbus, Georgia
personality (of manager): caring, sweet, yet not whiny, sense of humor, happy stands up for what she believes in, smart, patient
personality (of wrestler): nice, kind, loyal [I added this word later in blue pen], loves fun, patient, you don’t want to be his enemy, soft-spoken, funny, shy, friendly, trusting
best friends (of manager): Marty Jannetty
best friends (of wrestler): Charlotte Theodosia [ugg. You two need to get out more]
physical features (of manager): blond hair bluish green eyes; wears red or yellow, smiles a lot, fair skin, slight build; nice figure [like one of the Wakefield twins, but a walking advertisement for McDonald’s?]
physical features (of wrestler): reddish brown hair; blue-gray eyes; bright colored clothes; slightly tanned; good build; no facial hair
Where did manager and wrestler meet? Barber Shop – Jan 12, 1992. Marty received medical attention from Anjel.
Manager’s sex – F [there’s actually a check box, but I don’t know how to make one here]
Sum up of relationship between wrestler + manager: Care for one another IMMENSELY. Nothing can break them up. Devoted to thier job and each other.
Goals: Intercontinental title belt
Worst enemy: Shan Micheals (see Misc.) Rick Martel
Misc.- Shawn Micheals used to be best friend
other friends: (wrestler) Brutus Beefcake
other friends= (manager) Brutus Beefcake Mr. Perfect [added in pen later. You’ll meet him soon]
Notes:
1) Roseberry, Idaho? It’s totally a real place. I had a set of encyclopedias in my room and would spend hours looking at maps for some reason. I really liked potatoes when I was little, so I thought Idaho was some sort of paradise. Consequently, I looked at the Idaho map a lot. Roseberry just sounded like a nice name for a town.
2) The Barber Shop isn’t, like, a Hair Cuttery. It was an interview segment hosted by Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. (don’t worry; you’ll meet him soon). The break-up of The Rockers formally occurred when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannetty and threw him through the plate glass window of the Barber Shop. It was pretty awesome. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure some of the missing pages explains this incident via flashback. If memory serves me correctly, Anjel is some sort of EMT or something and she gives Marty first aid after the incident. Then (I don’t remember how), she becomes his manager.
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