Chapter 9: Reunited

So this is the one that inspired me to share. It's bad. It's got terrible dialogue, of course, but it's also got some awesome pacing. I had characters make and act on rash decisions -- such as travelling across the country to find a friend's long-lost girlfriend -- in a matter of seconds. Trying to find a bathroom, however, took a considerably longer time.

Enjoy!

Chapter 9: Reunited

A lonely and depressed Brutus Beefcake sat in his dressing room staring at an old photograph. A knock came from his door.
“Come in” he said.
“25 minutes til the Barber Shop, Brutus” said Anjel.
“Thanks” he said in an empty and sad voice. [gee, he seems a bit down]
Angel closed the door.
“What’s wrong Brutus?” she asked softly.
“I found this old picture of my girlfriend Laurie Traynor” Brutus said handing the photo to Anjel. Laurie was pretty. She had short brown hair and big blue eyes.
“What happened to her?” asked Anjel.
“We had just finished high school. We were both aspiring hair stylists. We really loved each other and I was going to ask her to marry me. Vince McMahon came one day and asked me if I wanted to consider professional wrestling. Laurie knew how much this meant to me and told me to go for it. I asked her to come with me, but her life was in San Francisco she couldn’t leave, but she said to live out my dream. I still remember the day I left, we were both crying when I boarded the train …” he broke off and tears filled his eyes.
Anjel hugged him for a long time. Brutus really needed that. He wiped his eyes.
“Thanks, Anjel.” He said, “Can I have a few minutes to think?” he asked
“Sure,” said Anjel and closed the door softly behind her.
Poor Brutus! His story had almost made Anjel cry. She went ino to check on Marty who had the flue and a 102 degree temperature [sick again?!?]. She told him Brutus’s story and he agreed that something had to be done
Marty assured Anjel that he would be fine on his own so Anjel booked a flight to San Francisco. When she looked in the phone book and found-

Laurel Traynor
76 Viking Ave

Anjel hopped a cab and rang the doorbell of 76 Viking Ave. A young woman with shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes opened the door [see? Time passed. Her hair grew.]
“Are you Laurie Traynor?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know a man named Brutus Beefcake?”
“Oh, my God. Brutus. Please Come in.”
Anjel told Laurie the entire story from who she was to the talk she had with Brutus.
They booked a flight to Washington, where Wrestling Challenge was.
“Do you think he’ll recognize me?” asked Laurie.
“I’m positive” said Anjel and knocked on Brutus’ door.
“Come in”
“Brutus I’ve got someone who might cheer you up.” said Anjel and motioned for Laurie to go in. She closed the door behind Laurie.
“Laurie.”
“Brutus.”
“They moved a stop toward each other and embraced. Oh how good it felt to hold Laurie again!
--
Chapter 2 [a chapter within a chapter? Sure, why not?]

“Laurie … how did you … Where …” Brutus started.
“Just hold me, Brutus,” she said.
He did just that.
“I really missed you.” Laurie said.
“So did I.”
“When that lady came to my door …”
“Whoa. What lady?” Asked Brutus.
“She was a blonde … her name was Angelica … no … Angela? I don’t remember. I was so occupied with the though to seeing you again.” answered Laurie. [guess they didn’t talk much on the plane.]
“Anjel?” asked Brutus.
“Yes. Who is she … oh no! Not your wife?” asked Laurie.
“No. No. Just a very wonderful friend.” said Brutus
“That was a pretty long trip. Is there a bathroom nearby?” asked Laurie.
“straight down the hall” said Brutus.
“Thanks” said Laurie and left
Brutus sat down to think. “Anjel … what she did for me. She is so ….. I …. How can I thank her?”
Brutus had never had someone care about him so much. To think of what Anjel did is amazing. She has got a good heart. What a great friend. [hurl]
He walked 2 doors down to Marty’s dressing room since no one answered the knock at Anjel’s. Anjel answered Brutus knock.
“Shh Marty’s finally asleep.” [thus eliminating any further participation in the story] she whispered
“Anjel … you … I … Thank You.” said Brutus and hugged her.
“Anything for a friend.” whispered Anjel. She wiped a tear of joy welling up in her eye away.

Notes:

1) I obviously didn’t have a clue as to the actual function of a dressing room. Marty has the flu, but he’s in his dressing room? Brutus has a photo of an ex-girlfriend in his dressing room? I guess I just figured they were like apartments, and each wrestler had his/her own.

2) Anjel is seriously intrusive. Back off, lady.

3) I had a serious problem with dialogue tags. And adverbs. And ellipses. And vital discussions of where the bathroom is.

This story isn’t over. There’s a sequel coming up soon. There will be lots more egregious crying and ridiculous dialogue. And a pretty awesome break-up scene.

But first … Chapter 10: “Two Faces” – Wherein we meet Mr. Perfect, who also has a serious allergy. WTF was wrong with me?